


Speeding Towards Disaster

by SuchASeeweedBrain



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Formula One, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Kyle/Alex BroTP, M/M, No Aliens, Slow Burn, lots of swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-29
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-09-29 16:20:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 72,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20438933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuchASeeweedBrain/pseuds/SuchASeeweedBrain
Summary: Alex was going to be the youngest World Champion in Formula One history. He was going to make it happen, or, at least, that was the plan. Leave it up to his new teammate to make his life (and his goal) much more difficult. Who the hell does he even think he is? With his stupid hair and his stupid eyes and that ridiculous smirk. Alex hated him. Well, that's what he kept telling himself at least.orMalex as competing Formula One drivers.





	1. Had to have high hopes for a living

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! It's me! I'm back! After my last two multi-chapter fics I took a nice long break as I went on holiday and let my wrist heal after I broke it. 
> 
> Now it's time for me to start a new AU, because god knows I love them. I should say that I know some stuff about Formula One, but I'm not an expert. I mostly watch it because one of the drivers currently in F1 is from my country and everyone loses their shit everytime he gets a podium. I like keeping up with it, but as I said, not an expert, so this may not be 100% realistic. But to be honest, it's all fiction anyways, so I'm just going to do it. 
> 
> I have not really written a full on enemies to friends to lovers story before, but I feel like it's going to fit them so perfectly in this, and I'm excited to try this out. I have a vague outline of where I'm going with this, and I've pretty much written the second chapter already, but my uploads will not be every day like I did with Treacherous. I'm starting school soon and I just won't have the time. 
> 
> So, enough babbling, thank you so much for joining me on this next adventure!

Left, right, left, right, left, right, he just kept repeating it to himself. As long as he kept moving his legs and as long as he kept moving forward he’d keep getting closer to where he needed to be. He did what his father had always told him to do when he was scared, just keep his foot on the gas.

‘Alex, good to see you.’ He nearly walked right into Kyle, while his cheery greeting shook Alex from his thoughts.

‘Fucking hell Valenti.’ Alex mumbled, tugging at the sleeves of his jacket.

‘Come with me.’ Kyle was not deterred by Alex’s mood, he never seemed to be. ‘First day of testing, are you excited?’ Kyle asked as Alex started to follow him, he was going in a slightly different direction Alex had been going.

‘Do I look excited?’ Alex asked, trying to keep the bite from his tone. Kyle grinned at him.

‘You look like you haven’t slept in three days.’ He shrugged. ‘But that’s how you usually look at the start of the season. I think you might be the only driver that gets more rested as the season goes on.’

‘You know I can’t shut off my brain in the off-season.’ Alex said, tucking his hands in his pockets, the soft lining of the jacket always made him feel more settled.

‘I know.’ Kyle said easily. Alex realized he was being lead to the main entrance, not the side door the drivers usually used. ‘The new guy is here.’

‘Is that why you’re making me take the long way around?’ Alex asked, Kyle grinned slyly.

‘Maybe?’ He said, drawing out the word.

‘I thought he wasn’t coming in until tomorrow, transportation problems or something?’ Alex asked as Kyle pushed the door open and motioned for Alex to go in first.

‘That was what they thought, but apparently his manager pulled some strings and managed to get him here.’ Kyle shrugged, indicating he wasn’t sure how. Alex hummed. He didn’t really care much. As far as he was concerned, the guy was just another opponent to beat, just one that happened to be driving the same colour car.

‘Alex, finally dragged your ass out of bed, huh?’ Maria looked far too happy for someone who _had_ to still be jetlagged.

‘It’s nine in the morning, what do you mean “finally”?’ Alex mumbled as he hugged her. She laughed in his ear, making him flinch.

‘You look awful.’ She said, much more genuinely concerned. She left her hands on his shoulders as she leant back and studied him more closely.

‘Can you two stop telling me how terrible I look? I _know,_ okay?’ Alex said, frowning again. ‘Can I just go meet the new guy, make uncomfortable small talk and then do the thing I’m actually here for?’

‘Yes Sir.’ Kyle saluted half-heartedly and Alex pointedly ignored the pang in his stomach. Luckily the sick feeling disappeared quickly.

Kyle and Maria flanked him as they walked towards the entrance desk, the one Alex had been trying to avoid.

‘Hey Alex!’ Charlie, who worked the counter at the Red Bull testing facility, always looked at Alex like he was the best thing since sliced bread or something, it made Alex uncomfortable.

‘Hey Charlie. How was your off-season?’ Alex asked, because he was nothing if not friendly (even if he had to force himself to be, and his smile was almost painful).

‘Good! How was yours? Do anything fun?’ It wasn’t like Charlie noticed. She always barrelled right over Alex’s forced politeness like she truly didn’t notice Alex wanted to turn and run.

‘Not really, just the same old boring stuff.’ Alex tried to end the conversation as quickly as possible. He didn’t miss how Charlie completely ignored Kyle and Maria.

‘Ah, Kyle.’ Mister Valenti came walking from the hallway that lead further into the building. ‘I see you found Alex.’

‘Yep, he was just coming in, as I predicted.’ Kyle grinned at his father, the team boss of Red Bull Racing.

‘Good to see you Alex, ready for the season?’ Mister Valenti came over to shake his hand. Alex felt a genuine smile spread over his face.

‘I’m always ready for the season.’

‘Good, because with these new engine upgrades, we’re really going to give Mercedes and Ferrari a run for their money.’ Mister Valenti said, setting a firm hand on his shoulder and guiding him down the hallway.

‘I’m looking forward to it.’ Alex said as he was lead past the gigantic trophy case in the lobby. He had no trouble finding his own trophies, three gold ones, three silver and five bronze. He was planning on adding _at least_ five more to that this year.

‘I’ll introduce you to your new teammate and then we can get started, we’ll show you two the cars and we’ll get working on the sims.’ The simulators were a huge part of their preparation. It allowed them to learn the tracks and try out the car on the tracks without actually having to be there. Alex still preferred the feeling of an actual car under him, but the sim was a good secondary option.

They turned into the cafeteria where all the mechanics and anyone else on site got their food and drinks. The coffee machine there was legendary, for making the brews absolutely boiling hot. The only person around that didn’t need to set aside their drink to cool for at least five minutes before daring to take a sip was Maria, but she was Maria.

There were three people waiting there, one was fiddling with the Coffee Machine of Death. The woman was tall, blonde and had an upturned nose. She was dressed like she had money and loved rubbing it in your face. Alex almost felt underdressed in his jeans. The first guy was not that remarkable, brown haired, generally handsome, looking annoyed. The one that turned around triumphantly with a paper cup of coffee in his hands was the one Alex recognized. Similar in height and build to Alex, but with messy curls and a crooked nose.

‘I wouldn’t do that if I were you.’ Alex warned as he brought the freshly brewed cup up to his mouth. He blinked and stared at Alex. ‘Unless you want to burn the whole inside of your mouth.’ Alex shrugged. Mister Valenti chuckled.

‘Yes, Alex is right. Our machine makes it hot, very hot.’ He lead them closer to each other and motioned for the curly haired one. ‘Alex, this is Michael Guerin. Michael, this is Alex Manes.’ Alex reached out and shook his hand, grip firm just like his father taught him.

‘Yeah, I know who he is. Youngest race winner in Formula One history and all.’ Guerin shrugged. ‘Nice to meet you.’

‘Yeah, nice to meet you too. Formula Three World Champion, congratulations on that.’ Alex said, polite was good. Polite and distant.

‘Thanks, but I’m aiming a little higher now, Formula _One_ World Champion sounds good too.’ Guerin smiled annoyingly and with a confidence that made Alex want to punch something. He was the new guy, _Alex_ was going to win. _Alex _would be aiming for the title this year, not him.

‘We’ll see about that.’ Alex smiled.

‘Ah, aiming to also become the youngest _World Champion_ in Formula One history huh?’ Guerin asked, he was fucking teasing him, what a dick.

‘I figured I could add it to the list.’ Alex shrugged. Casual. Casual, polite and distant. Guerin actually laughed and turned to his two people that were watching their interaction.

‘See, I told you he was going to be funny.’ Alex hated him. Guerin pointed at the woman and looked back at Alex. ‘This is my sister, and manager Isobel Evans.’ Then he pointed at tall, dark and frowny and added. ‘And that’s my brother Max. He’s not staying long, he has a job to get back to.’ Alex figured this was the point where he should introduce “his people”.

‘This is Maria DeLuca, my manager and this is Kyle Valenti, he runs our training schedule.’

‘With an iron fist.’ Kyle added and Alex made a face.

‘Sure, buddy.’

‘Whatever you say Kyle.’ Maria added with a grin. They both knew Kyle had a hard time saying no to Alex, and he used it to his advantage.

‘Okay, nice to meet you all.’ Guerin turned to Mister Valenti. ‘Are we ready to get started?’

‘Yes I think we are. Maria, are you staying here?’ Mister Valenti asked.

‘Yes, I’m not really in the mood to watch Alex play Mario Kart for three hours.’ Maria said and Alex rolled his eyes, it was the familiar tease she liked to pull out every once in a while, especially around new people. Isobel laughed.

‘That’s a good one. I think I’m going to have to stay here too, if you don’t mind Michael?’ Guerin simply waved her off and followed Mister Valenti alongside Alex.

‘So, that’s a running joke then?’ Guerin asked, his eyes were drifting around the hallway, taking them in.

‘The Mario Kart thing? Yeah, we put her in the sim once, it turned out she was equally terrible at both.’ Guerin laughed and Alex wanted to hit himself. Casual, polite and distant. He wasn’t sticking to his own rules. It was true though, Maria had crashed the virtual Formula One car almost as often as she drove her Mario Kart car off the track.

‘Well I shouldn’t really laugh, my brother always used to ask me “Why can’t you drive the speed limit, Michael?” so I was just like, well it’s clearly something I’m good at, so let’s make it into my job!’ Guerin said cheerfully and Alex needed a second to let that sink in. 

‘Wait, you- you used to break the law all the time by speeding and that made you decide to try to become a Formula One driver?’ Alex asked, trying to make sense of it.

‘Pretty much.’ Guerin shrugged. Alex truly wasn’t sure what to do with that information.

‘That’s-‘ ridiculous. ‘I’m-‘ really not sure what to do with this. ‘You know what, whatever. Fine.’ It wasn’t important. Distance, he didn’t need to know or understand Michael Guerin.

‘Alright boys, your cars for this year.’ Mister Valenti said with a sweeping gesture as he lead them into the workshop. The cars weren’t finished yet, but Alex could see it, _feel_ it. The pressure of the G-force, the thrill that ran through his body right before the lights went out, he could hear the roar of the engine. He smiled. Alex walked closer. He knew the one on the left would be his, the number 11 was already marked on the dark blue nose. Alex did a lap around it, tracing the sleek lines with the tips of his fingers. A warmth settled in his stomach. He was so ready for the season to start.

Mister Valenti allowed him to drool over the car for a few minutes as he talked to Guerin about something, Alex didn’t pay attention. He walked over to one of the mechanics.

‘Hey Karl, everything coming along okay?’ Alex asked. The mechanic looked up, his blue eyes were bright as ever, the corners crinkling as he saw who it was.

‘Alexander!’ He exclaimed, joy clear through his German accent. He dropped whatever he’d been working on and pulled Alex into him for a hug. His grip was strong even though Alex could see he’d lost weight since last year. He was truly getting older. His hair was whiter and he looked more tired. 

‘You look like you’ve been working too hard.’ Alex said, going for something stern. Karl waved him off. ‘You know you can delegate right? That’s what you have all those young guys for, to do the heavy lifting.’

‘They do not know what they are doing.’

‘Teach them.’ Alex said. ‘If you work yourself into an early grave, who’s going to make sure I win the championship this year?’ He teased.

‘Early grave? Child, I’m an old man.’ Karl said, setting a hand on Alex’s shoulder.

‘I’m twenty years old, I’m not a child.’ Alex fought not to pout.

‘You are to me.’ Karl said with a smile. ‘I will try to work less, if you promise me some more trophies this year.’

‘Of course. Like I said, I want the big one this year.’ Alex held out a hand for Karl to shake. The man gave him an amused look, but shook his hand.

‘Take care of yourself, Alex.’ Karl said, squeezing his hand a little tighter. ‘I can get you the car, but you need to drive it. Keep your head on straight.’ Alex knew exactly what he meant by that. Don’t let your father get in your head. Alex knew his smile tightened, but he nodded firmly.

‘Alex?’ Mister Valenti called. ‘Time to get to the sim.’ Alex nodded.

‘Alright. See you later Karl.’

Mister Valenti lead them to the Simulation room next. It was an incredibly complicated machine. Set up to allow them to practice all Formula One tracks. Let their brains get used to 300 km/h again, without the risk of them crashing a ten million-and-then-some car.

‘Alright, Alex. You go first, it’ll give me a chance to fill Michael in on how we do things around here.’ Mister Valenti headed for the man controlling the simulator. Guerin made a face at him.

‘So, you’re up first, huh?’

‘Get used to it.’ Alex smiled as he settled himself into the seat. Guerin made a noise that might have been a laugh.

‘I’ll get used to seeing you in my rear-view mirrors.’ Guerin countered. Alex made himself laugh.

‘Sure, keep telling yourself that.’ He made eye-contact right before Guerin left the room. ‘The only way you’ll be seeing me in your rear-view mirrors is if I’m lapping you.’ Alex didn’t wait to see or hear his reaction, he simply focussed on the screen and set his hands on the controls. His feet had already found the pedals.

They started with Australia. It wasn’t his favourite track, but it was the opening race, so it made sense to start with that. Australia was not the most favourable track for their Red Bulls either, it was a track build too much in favour of top-speed. Even with their engine upgrades, the Mercedes were still faster on a straight line.

‘Good, Alex. Fastest lap yet.’ Mister Valenti’s voice sounded as Alex finished another lap, it brought his total up to 20. ‘Alright, Michael’s turn.’ Alex freed himself from the machine. He managed not to throw Michael a self-satisfied smile as they passed each other. Alex joined mister Valenti in the “control room”.

‘I don’t mind a little rivalry between the two of you, but remember that we’re ultimately on the same team.’ Mister Valenti said the moment Michael started on his first lap. Alex looked at him with a frown.

‘I know that.’ He did, know that. He knew that Red Bull ultimately wanted the team to win. Red Bull wanted the team to win the Constructors Championship, the title for the team with the most combined points. For that to happen both drivers had to score as many points as possible. Team work.

But, Alex would have been lying if he said he wouldn’t drive Guerin off the road if it meant he became World Champion. If it came down to it, Alex would do whatever necessary to end up on the top step, teammate or not. He was certain that mister Valenti knew that, deep down. That was probably why he said it.

Mister Valenti sighed, but didn’t say anything else. Alex watched Guerin’s lap times as they gradually went down. He hated to admit it, but he was _good._ He clearly needed a little time to adjust to the new speed and the new mechanics, but he was at his core, a good driver. He didn’t quite get his time down to where Alex’s was, but he got closer than Alex was comfortable with.

‘You’re good.’ Guerin said as they were heading back to the cafeteria for some lunch. Alex frowned at him. That did not seem like something he should only be realizing now.

‘Thanks?’ Alex asked.

‘Was that a question?’ Guerin asked with a raised eyebrow.

‘Was that you fishing for compliments?’ Alex countered, tilting his head. Guerin laughed again, it was a surprisingly nice sound.

Alex was also going to now spend as little time around him as possible, because that was a Bad Thought. Alex clenched his jaw as he saw that Maria was still sitting at a table with Isobel, chatting happily. Luckily Kyle entered the cafeteria at the same time as Alex. He seemed to take one look at Alex and headed right for them.

‘Hey Alex, we should talk about your training schedule.’ Kyle said as he reached them, Guerin looked uncertain. ‘We’ll go over yours later.’ Kyle assured Guerin. ‘You go relax while you have lunch, Alex is used to my insistent babbling.’ Guerin just nodded and headed over to where his sister was laughing with Maria.

‘Thank you.’ Alex said as they headed for the sandwiches.

‘You looked overwhelmed.’ Kyle shrugged as he grabbed a plate and scooped up what seemed like random foods.

‘He’s a dick.’ Alex muttered, grabbing one of the pre-made salads with chicken.

‘No, he _has_ a dick.’ Alex send his filthiest look towards Kyle. They put their food down on a table in the far corner of the cafeteria, giving Alex as much space from Guerin as possible.

‘Fuck you Valenti.’ Alex said, as blankly as he could manage.

‘No, you want to fuck-‘ Alex lunged for him and Kyle made a noise far too close to a squeak. He slapped his hand over Kyle’s mouth.

‘Shut up Valenti.’ Alex laughed. He couldn’t help it. Kyle had the uncanny ability to make him laugh, even when he didn’t want him to. Kyle struggled against his grip and they ended up in a far too childish mini wrestling match. Until Maria cleared her throat loudly and raised a pointed eyebrow from the other side of the room.

‘Boys. Can we behave, or do I have to come over there?’ Alex tried not to look like a middle school kid getting told off by a teacher, but by Maria’s sparkling eyes, he didn’t succeed very well. Also, Kyle looked very much like eight year old Kyle had looked. Guerin was looking at them with a strange look on his face, Alex tried not to let the uncomfortable feeling crawl up his back.

‘We can behave.’ Alex assured her and as she turned back to Isobel and Guerin, he leaned towards her, glancing at her before seemingly asking her a question.

‘What about him bothers you so much?’ Kyle asked, drawing Alex’s attention away from Guerin. Alex sighed and looked at his friend. They’d known each other for so long, literally since diapers, he knew lying to Kyle was a lost cause.

‘He’s fucking _charming_, K. He’s attractive, charming and a fucking good driver. He’s snarky and funny and I _need_ to hate him, but I’ve known the guy for three hours and I already know I’m not going to be able to. I’m fucked.’ Alex kept his voice low, this was for Kyle’s ears only. ‘I want to win it all this year. I _need_ to win it all this year.’ Kyle watched him carefully for a few seconds.

‘What are you going to do?’

‘Avoid him as much as possible. Keep him at arm’s length.’ Alex shrugged helplessly. ‘I can’t let him get in my head.’

‘That’s going to be tough, you know how much Red Bull likes to make their drivers do stupid challenges together at every track.’ Kyle was right, he usually was. Red Bull was very good at the social media stuff. Every week, they would have their drivers do some silly challenge in the country they were at for the race. The last few years they hadn’t been much of a problem. Alex genuinely hated Wyatt Long and Long had hated Alex in return, but they’d played it civil for the camera’s. They had been able to pass their genuine snipes off as banter between teammates.

It was both a blessing and a curse when Long had left to go drive for Renault.

A blessing because Alex could stop pretending to tolerate the man. A curse because it had brought Michael Guerin into his life.

‘I know it’s going to be tough, but I can do it. Polite, distant and casual.’ Alex summoned up. Kyle sighed.

‘Good luck with that.’ He smiled softly at Alex, it was supposed to be comforting, probably. ‘Just know that the media team and the blogs are going to eat up that banter you two have going on.’ Alex groaned.

‘Oh god, the _blogs_.’ Kyle laughed, that barking sound he only made when Alex truly surprised him. He only made it when he couldn’t control the burst of laughter, he hated making that sound, that was why Alex took particular pleasure in getting him to make the noise, obviously.

‘You’re an asshole.’ Kyle hiccupped as Alex smirked at him.

‘Are you just realizing that?’ Alex asked, grin still firmly on his face. Kyle was about to respond when his father interrupted them. Time for Alex and Michael to get back to work. Alex felt a little more solid, a little more centred as he went back to training. He’d accepted this wasn’t going to be easy, but he’d also made up his mind. He wasn’t going to let Michael Guerin ruin this season for him. He wasn’t going to let one good-looking guy get in the way of him becoming World Champion. He refused to let him, he could get through this season without caring about Michael Guerin. If only he’d known how fucking wrong he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty, and we're off! This was kind of my introduction into the world and into Alex's mindset. They seem fairly okay around each other at this point, I know, but that'll change soon enough. As in like, next chapter soon. 
> 
> Thanks for reading and comments always make me squeal with delight!


	2. Shooting for the stars when I couldn't make a killing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things change between Michael and Alex. Not necessarily for the best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey ya'll, ready for things to get a little (or a lot) more tense between the boys? No? Oh. Um. Well.... I've got some bad news for you.  
And Kyle and Alex are my favourite besties, so if Kylex is your BroTP you're in the right place.   
Alex has a minor anxiety attack in the early stages of this chapter, I don't think it's super intense or anything, but if you're sensitive to that kind of thing maybe tread carefully.  
Oh also, for now, I'm getting my chapter titles from High Hopes, by panic! at the disco. I love that song.

Kyle was a saint. He managed to keep Alex separated from Guerin for almost their entire week of training and testing in Austria at the Red Bull factory. Today, however, was the first day that they’d actually be able to take the cars out, onto the track. No more sims, no more watching the car slowly being assembled in the garage, it was time to drive. Alex felt like he was vibrating out of his skin.

‘Alex, buddy, you need to breathe.’ Kyle said, a small laugh in his voice. Alex was aware of the camera on him, but he still flipped Kyle off without looking at him. His eyes were firmly fixed on his car as the mechanics rolled it onto the track. The Red Bull media team would be filming their first time out on the track with the cars. Fans always loved getting an early glimpse of the action.

‘Make sure to tell me what is off, yes?’ Karl managed to draw Alex’s eyes away from the car.

‘Of course.’ Alex said as he tapped the in-ear he was already wearing, it would allow him to talk to the garage while on the track.

‘Hey Manes.’ Guerin’s voice over Karl’s shoulder drew his attention. Alex blinked at him twice.

‘What the fuck are you wearing?’ Alex asked, horrified. Guerin was wearing what looked like a tracksuit made of shiny white material. He looked like a fucking douche. A handsome douche.

‘Oh come on.’ Guerin grinned at him like he knew exactly how awful he looked, and revelled in it. ‘I’m pretty sure Eminem was wearing this the other day.’

‘What the actual flying fuck.’ Alex said running his hand over his face. He really wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry. ‘Did you lose a bet? You lost a bet didn’t you?’ Guerin shrugged. He totally lost a bet.

‘Oh come on Alex, I’ve got style.’ Guerin tried to say it seriously, but he couldn’t contain his grin. The camera guy had his lens pointed squarely at the two of them.

‘Style?’ Alex said incredulously.

‘Yeah, the float like a butterfly, sting like a bee kind of style.’ Alex made a face at him. ‘Game recognizes game.’

‘Right, well, why don’t you float after Karl, butterfly. I’ve got a car to drive.’ Alex said and Guerin laughed, loudly and genuinely. It made his stomach do some sort of weird flip.

‘Alright, fine.’ Guerin held his hands up in surrender and moved off the track, following Karl. Kyle gave Alex a knowing look before following them into the pitlane. Alex sighed, he needed to focus. He walked over to the car, greeted the mechanics, grabbed his helmet from the seat and put it on. He set his hands on the edges of the cockpit and let his body slide into the seat. Smooth. He settled his hands on the controls.

‘Ready?’ One of the mechanics asked and Alex felt himself grin. He gave the guy a thumbs up. The mechanic repeated the gesture and headed off the track.

‘_Alright Alex, whenever you’re ready.’ _Mister Valenti’s voice sounded in his ear. Alex forced himself to take a deep breath before starting the car. The engine roared to life. It was an experience Alex had never gotten used to, and probably would never get used to. The power of the car under him, around him, was insane. It was like the car was just _begging_ to go. Pleading for Alex to let it do what it was made for. Alex set the car in gear.

‘Ready?’ He asked.

‘_Ready._’ Mister Valenti confirmed.

Alex let the car take off. He took it easy the first lap, passing on information to the garage as he felt the car pull in certain situations, drift in certain corners. It still felt off balance. On the long straight, he pushed the car as fast as he dared. At least the brakes felt solid.

‘_Okay, push the next lap as hard as you can.’ _Mister Valenti said. ‘_Just watch those left hand turns. Do not crash the car.’_

‘Got it.’ Alex said and when he crossed the start/finish line he did a full lap of pushing the brand new car as hard as he dared. He nearly lost control of it on a slight left-hand turn when the wheels suddenly lost traction, but he managed to keep the car out of the barrier. When he’d straightened the car back out, he could feel his heart race.

‘_You good?’ _

‘Shit, yeah. I’m good.’ Alex said, making himself focus on the next turn. Turns tended to follow each other quickly at 100 mph.

‘_Alright, put it in the pits after this next lap. This was a good first test run. Nice driving Alex.’_ Alex took another turn and swallowed away the lump in his throat.

‘Got it.’ Alex confirmed. When he drove the car into the pitlane, he needed to force himself to actually stop the car. This was the part he hated. Stopping. Coming down off of an adrenaline high was not fun. Driving made him feel like he was flying, stopping made him feel heavy, slow.

‘Nice save.’ Guerin’s voice was the first one he heard when he freed himself from the car. He hadn’t even taken off his helmet yet.

‘Tires lost traction, it’s a little floaty.’ Alex said when he managed to undo the clasp. ‘Be ready for that.’ He took off the helmet. He wasn’t sure why he even said that. Guerin could figure it out on his own. Alex didn’t care what he did, or how he did.

‘Thanks.’ Guerin smiled but it was not genuine at all. Alex titled his head.

‘You’re nervous.’ Alex stated with a what he was sure was a slightly teasing smile. Guerin’s eyes widened. Then Guerin clenched his jaw and frowned. For the first time Alex saw him as something other than confident and grinning.

‘I’m not nervous. I’m focussed, on kicking your ass.’ It came out much sharper than any of their banter had been. Alex had struck a nerve. Alex raised his hands in a surrendering gesture.

‘Alright, relax. I was just saying-‘

‘Well don’t. I don’t need you to pretend you care. Go cry to your daddy about your floaty car or something.’ Alex blinked at him. He swallowed. What the hell was this? Had they not been bantering thirty minutes ago? Alex was aware he hadn’t exactly been super welcoming, but he had just been avoiding Guerin, he hadn’t been nasty. Bringing up his dad was a low blow. “Alex Manes only got that seat because of his dad”? That shit was old news.

‘Well fuck you then.’ Alex snapped. ‘Next time I’ll just let you put the fucking car into the barrier, see if I care.’ Alex turned around and headed towards the garage, leaving Guerin behind. ‘Fucking asshole.’

Alex avoided going to see the engineers right away. He needed a second. He headed down an empty hallway. His anger and the crash off his adrenaline high were not a good combination. He felt like he could feel his blood rushing through his veins. Fast and hot and burning and too fast. Like his skin was trying to move three feet to the right. He felt like someone had their hands on his chest and was pushing down, opposite the rhythm of his heart. Like hands closing slowly around his neck.

His dad was going to come for him.

He let himself slide down the wall.

‘Alex?’ Kyle’s hand settled on his shoulder and Alex realized his breathing did not sound like it was supposed to. His hands were shaking where he’d wrapped them around himself. He felt like he was trying to hold himself together. ‘Alex, buddy, you need to breathe.’ Kyle’s voice settled over him like a blanket. He latched onto it like it was a lifebuoy.

‘What’s happening?’ Alex managed.

‘I think you’re having some sort of a anxiety attack.’ Kyle said, he still sounded deadly calm. ‘Just try to match your breathing to mine.’ It wasn’t as easy as Kyle made it sound, but he tried. He tried to think of things that made him feel calm. The sound of rain on the roof of a trailer, the smell of engine grease, the feeling of a laptop under his fingers, Kyle’s snorting laughter, Maria’s fond eyeroll, the sound of Liz’ awful karaoke. ‘Good.’ Kyle said and Alex realized his breathing had, in fact, matched Kyle’s.

‘Fuck, that sucked.’ Alex breathed out.

‘Yeah, it looked like it sucked.’ Kyle said. His hand was still settled on Alex’ shoulder. ‘We should get you something to drink.’ Kyle pulled Alex to his feet and he suddenly felt really embarrassed. He could feel the heat in his cheeks, crawling down his neck.

‘Sorry for freaking out.’ Kyle frowned at him.

‘Don’t apologize.’ He said firmly. ‘Just tell me what happened, and tell me if it ever happens again.’ He looked at Alex from the corner of his eye as they headed towards Alex’s room. ‘At least, I assume you don’t want to tell the team?’ Alex felt his eyes widen.

‘No. We don’t tell the team. I’m fine.’ Alex went for firm, but it ended up coming out much more panicked than he’d planned.

‘I’m good with that, as long as you _promise _to tell me if it happens again.’ There was a weight behind that statement. Kyle and Alex took their promises very seriously, had ever since they were just kids.

‘I promise.’ Alex said.

‘Pinkie promise?’ Alex rolled his eyes, but hooked his pinkie around Kyle’s as they stopped in the hallway.

‘Pinkie promise.’ Alex said blankly.

‘Good.’ Kyle released Alex’ hand and pushed inside Alex’s room. Both drivers had a room for them at their home track, it made things easier when they spend a lot of time there during the pre-season. It made it feel more like home. Kyle grabbed a bottle of water from the mini-fridge and hand handed it to Alex. ‘Drink, sit down and tell me what happened.’ Alex rolled his eyes, but did as he was told.

‘Well, I’ve told you about that awful feeling I get when I stop driving, right?’ Alex asked and Kyle nodded. ‘Well, it’s always worse when we first start up again, like my brain needs to adjust. It needs to become normal again.’ Alex tried to explain it, but it was always hard for people who didn’t drive to understand. ‘And today, right after I came from the car, Guerin showed up. I was just saying that he needed to be careful because the car was kind of floaty, and he snapped at me. It pissed me off. I think it was that combined with… plummeting adrenaline levels, I guess?’ Alex wasn’t a doctor, clearly.

‘What do you mean he snapped at you?’ Kyle asked. Alex didn’t even really remember what was said, all he really remembered was that Guerin had made him unreasonably angry for some (probably insignificant) reason.

‘I don’t really remember, I was probably being unreasonable or something.’ Kyle frowned at him.

‘First of all, you were probably not being unreasonable.’ Kyle said firmly. ‘Maybe it had something to do with Guerin’s brother?’

‘Why would it have something to do with Officer Grumpy?’

‘He called while we were watching you drive. I couldn’t really hear what it was about, but it didn’t sound like too friendly of a conversation.’ Kyle shrugged. Alex took a sip from the water bottle. ‘Still doesn’t mean he should be taking it out on you, but it might explain something.’

‘He just snapped at me, I shouldn’t be freaking out every time someone snaps at me, K.’ Alex said, the annoying feeling of dread settled in his stomach.

‘Alex.’ Kyle sounded tired. ‘Tell me what you have going on in your life right now?’

‘What?’

‘List the things you’re worried about right now.’ Kyle said. ‘Don’t think about it, just tell me.’ Alex blinked at him.

‘I’m worried about the car, about winning races, winning the championship, you and your dad, Maria’s mom, my father, everyone finding out my secrets, not being good enough, Guerin being better than me and-‘

‘See.’ Kyle said, setting a hand on Alex’s shoulder, he took a shuddering breath. ‘You’ve got a lot of shit going on. You have a lot on you mind. It’s not weird for it to become too much at some point.’ 

Alex took a deep breath.

‘You’re a good friend, Kyle.’

‘O, I know.’

‘Okay.’ Alex dragged out the word. ‘Dickhead.’

‘Oh please, you love me.’ Kyle smirked at him. It was true, Kyle was as close to a brother as Alex had. He was more like a brother than Alex’s actual brothers, which was kind of sad when he thought about it.

‘Yeah whatever Valenti.’ Alex made himself drink half the bottle before he got up. ‘I should go talk to the engineers.’ Before Alex could get out of the door it opened. Mister Valenti came walking in and he did not look happy.

‘Alex.’ He said in a tone he didn’t use often. ‘I thought I told you that I expected you to be mature about this whole deal with Guerin?’ Alex felt himself recoil at the sharp tone the normally gentle man was using.

‘What are you talking about, dad?’ Kyle asked with a frown as he stood up.

‘Guerin nearly drove his car into the barrier at the exact same spot you did. Could you not just have told him what happened with your laps?’

‘But-‘

‘Come on Alex, you’re the experienced one here. Start acting like it.’

‘I did!’ Alex snapped. Mister Valenti raised his eyebrows. Alex closed his mouth quickly.

‘Alex did tell him the car was floaty as fuck. It’s not his fault Guerin didn’t listen.’ Kyle stepped in. ‘Guerin is the one who snapped at Alex for no reason.’

‘Kyle. Stay out of this. Alex can speak for himself.’ Mister Valenti said. ‘You work for the team, you can’t choose a side like this.’

‘But-‘

‘I’m sorry.’ Alex interrupted, he felt like his heart was trying to crawl up his throat. He avoided mister Valenti’s eyes. ‘I will do better.’ Mister Valenti sighed deeply.

‘You know I care about you Alex, but I need you to be the professional one here.’ Fan-fucking-tastic. ‘Guerin is a bit of a loose cannon, but he’s a good driver. The fans are going to love his gung-ho attitude, so try to keep things civil between you two okay, just like you did with Long.’

‘Oh, so Guerin just gets to be a dick and Alex just has to deal with it? Great strategy dad.’ Kyle said sarcastically. His father sighed and rolled his eyes.

‘For now, you go talk to your mechanics and I’ll go talk to Michael.’ He said to Alex, he gave Kyle one final stern look before heading out of the room.

When the door closed behind his father, Kyle set a hand on Alex’s shoulder.

‘Deep breaths, dude.’

‘This asshole is getting me yelled at now.’ Alex said with a clenched jaw. He hated it when mister Valenti was disappointed in him. It was almost worse than when his own dad was mad at him, probably because he _expected_ Alex to do stupid things. With mister Valenti it always felt like he expected Alex to be better. ‘Do you think he just “forgot” to mention I had actually warned him about the car?’

‘I don’t know man. He’s really not himself today.’ Alex gave Kyle a look. ‘Oh come on. I know you’ve decided you must hate him, but he’s usually not that bad. But today, ever since that call with his brother, he’s been a giant dick and that should be said as well.’ Kyle sighed. ‘This morning he was fine. He made a bet with Liz that he could solve one of her calculations yesterday and he lost and then this morning he did actually show up in the most awful thing that he could find.’

‘Oh, so that’s what the awful tracksuit was about huh?’

‘Yeah. Lost a bet.’

‘I knew it.’ Alex said, mostly to himself.

‘Let’s just get you to talk to some engineers and get some food in you.’ Kyle said, setting his hands down on Alex’s shoulders heavily as he pushed him towards the door.

‘Ugh, fine.’ Alex whined.

Alex spend thirty minutes attempting to explain to the engineers what exactly the car had felt like. That was always super hard, because sometimes Alex couldn’t find the words to convey exactly what he felt. It was frustrating as hell, but luckily, after three years, the mechanics knew how to read Alex.

‘Alright, we’ve got it.’ Justin said, giving Alex a quick thumbs up. ‘It’ll be better tomorrow.’ He promised before heading back towards the bay where the cars were.

‘Thanks guys!’ Alex called after them. He stood there for a second, the garage was now quiet around him. It was nice. It didn’t last long.

‘Way to be a fucking tattletale Manes.’ Guerin’s snide comment interrupted Alex’s peace. ‘Already bitching about me to the team boss huh?’ Alex clenched his jaw.

‘What the fuck are you going on about Guerin?’ He asked, turning around. It was truly remarkable how quickly they’d gone from civil acquaintances to mortal enemies.

‘I just got chewed out by Valenti because apparently, you warned me about the car being off and I didn’t listen?’ Guerin snapped, his hands were set annoyingly on his hips.

‘I did. I warned you about the car being off.’ Alex crossed his arms over his chest. ‘It’s not nice right? Valenti’s disappointment? It’s kind of like me getting yelled at by our team boss because you were a fucking dick that didn’t listen to me when I told you the fucking car was floaty on left-hand fucking turns.’ Alex snapped. ‘I warned you, asshole, you didn’t listen, not my fucking problem. I’m not here to save your ass.’

‘I don’t need you to.’

‘Well then stop bitching at me and own up to your bullshit.’ Alex snapped. ‘Jesus fucking Christ what is up with you man?’ He added, because Kyle did have a point.

‘Nothing, why does everyone keep asking me that?’ Guerin threw his hands sharply into the air. Alex clenched his jaw. ‘Why don’t you just leave me the fuck alone?’ It was strange. When Guerin’s voice cracked over the final word, he heard something suspiciously close to desperation in the words. Suddenly, Alex felt an unwelcome wave of worry.

‘Have you eaten at all today? Did you not sleep? Did someone run over that awful garb you were wearing this morning?’ Alex tried to sound a little more legitimately concerned, but judging by the glare Guerin threw his way, it didn’t work.

‘Fuck you, Manes.’ Guerin said before turning sharply and walking away.

Alex sighed. That went well. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, Michael wasn't having a good day. There's a story behind that, but because it's from Alex's POV, you can't know yet. Sooooorry. 
> 
> Comments make me squeal with delight!


	3. Didn't have a dime, but I always had a vision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for the opening race of the season!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty, I've decided I'm going to try to upload every other day, I'm not making any promises though, some chapters come easier than others. 
> 
> Oh and DNF stands for Did Not Finish. This can be due to a crash or problems with the car. If there's any other F1 terms I use that you don't understand, let me know, I'll try to explain. (or you can ask our all knowing deity called Google)

Things didn’t really get much better after that day. In fact, they just got worse. Guerin had apparently decided that their one ginormous-ly horrible day was the norm from that point forward. Not that Alex really made an effort to get things back to their neutral acquaintance status, like they’d been before the Day It All Went To Hell. Alex was nothing if not stubborn, and he wouldn’t let Kyle’s sighs or looks get to him.

If Guerin wanted to get back on better terms, he was going to have to apologize for being a giant dick first, and from what he understood, that was not happening. So that was that.

It didn’t even really matter. Alex did not care about what Guerin thought of him.

Most people in the garage were now aware that Alex and Guerin didn’t really get along all that well, so they avoided putting them in the same space, to avoid the tense silences. The main problem was, that the video of their first test drive had done super well. Their banter before everything went to shit had been a hit and now the media team expected them to deliver more of it.

So here they were, in Melbourne, Australia, sitting in a car with Maria, Isobel and their social media guru Jenna. She was a no-nonsense, just-do-what-I-tell-you-to-do kind of person, and while Alex generally appreciated her attitude, her stubbornness to make it seem like Alex and Guerin got along like it had seemed in that first video, was somewhat annoying.

‘Alright you two, ready to put on your big boy pants?’ Jenna asked as she parked the car, they were near a beach, it seemed.

‘Yes of course, miss Cameron.’ Guerin said with the worst fake smile Alex had ever seen.

‘Wow, if that’s the best you’ve got this is going to be a disaster.’ Alex said as he undid his seatbelt and threw his door open.

‘Oh please, Manes, I’m going to act the hell out of this.’ Guerin replied as he slammed his door shut. Alex snorted as he exited the car. The warmth felt like a blanket falling over him, especially after being in the airconditioned car for close to an hour. He opened his mouth to reply. 

‘Okay.’ Maria said in a warning tone. ‘How about you two treat this exactly like that.’

‘What?’ Alex asked.

‘You two insist on making everything a competition? Let’s treat these shoots as a competition. Convince me you two don’t actually hate each other. If you can’t be convincing enough I’ll….. get Kyle to make you guys run laps.’ Maria decided.

‘Laps? Am I back in high school?’ Guerin asked, Alex was half tempted to ask if he’d actually gone to high school, just to be a dick.

‘You know Kyle wouldn’t do that to me, he loves me.’ Alex said with a smug smile that had Maria clench her jaw in the way that spoke of pain in Alex’s future. Maria had sharp elbows.

‘Yeah, what _is _the deal with the two of you, because it’s not fair if you’re dating _our_ trainer-‘

‘_Woah_, hold up there.’ Alex interrupted whatever Guerin was trying to say there. ‘Kyle and I are not _dating_. He’s like my brother.’ Alex feigned a shiver of disgust, just to make his point. He wasn’t exactly going to mention that shirtless Kyle had been his moment of “oh man, I’m gay”, but that was it. He loved Kyle, but he’d also seen _way_ too much of Kyle to actually like him like that.

‘Okay, if you two could get in character.’ Jenna said, just seriously enough that both of them got quiet. The van with their camera crew arrived shortly after and Alex settled against a bench and listened to Maria and Isobel chatting as the crew unpacked efficiently.

It was weird. Guerin hadn’t really seemed disgusted by the idea that Alex and Kyle might be dating, in fact he’d been more annoyed than anything. Annoyed because it was apparently “unfair”. Alex wasn’t necessarily hiding the whole gay thing, but during the period he wasn’t under his father’s watchful eye, he was simply too busy to think about anything but racing. When the hell did he have time to find someone he liked, much less think about coming out and the consequences of that. Nah, he enjoyed keeping all of the prying eyes out of his private life.

‘Alright, Michael, Alex, go stand over there.’ Jenna’s voice broke him from his thoughts. He blinked as his eyes refocussed. Apparently he’d been staring blankly at a seagull for the last five minutes, awesome. Alex did as he was told. He went and stood near a wooden railing, the beach behind him. ‘A little closer together please, neither of you has cooties, I promise.’ Alex rolled his eyes but stepped close to Guerin. They were now at that distance where they weren’t touching, but Alex could just _feel_ Guerin near him.

Jenna made a motion for the crew to start rolling. She raised her eyebrow at Alex.

‘Hello and welcome to Australia.’ He said cheerfully. He could pretend, he was good at that. ‘We’re here at a beach about forty minutes outside of Melbourne, and apparently we’re here to do some sort of activity?’ He ended the sentence on a question mark, because no one had actually told him what they were doing here today.

‘God, please tell me we’re not going to have to do some sort of sprints through the sand?’ Guerin whined. Alex swallowed his first biting remark.

‘Yes Jenna, _please_ tell me we’re not going to have to do that?’ He made sure to match his pout to Guerin’s. Behind the camera, Jenna rolled her eyes.

‘You two are getting a surfing lesson today!’ She said cheerfully. Clearly, Jenna was also good at pretending.

‘We’re surfing?’ Guerin asked.

‘That’s what she _just_ said.’ Alex said, but he made sure to laugh at the end, so it was fine.

‘Yes, you’re surfing today, so first you need to change into appropriate attire.’ Jenna said, she paused. ‘Alright, now look at each other, look back at the camera and then snap your fingers, we’ll do a cut there.’ Alex shrugged, glanced at Guerin, who made a face and then in a moment of strange synchronicity they snapped their fingers at the exact same time. Jenna raised her eyebrows. ‘Okay, nice. Now go change.’ 

‘Change into what?’ Alex asked. It was good he had fast reflexes, because he just managed to catch the wetsuit Maria threw at his head.

‘This, you idiot.’

‘When your _own people_ call you an idiot, it might be a sign.’ Guerin said in a low voice. Alex didn’t even bother turning towards him before responding.

‘We’ll see who the idiot is when we get in the water.’ Alex wasn’t necessarily super confident in his ability to do this, but he would die before he let Guerin see that.

‘Yeah whatever. Do we really have to wear these? Don’t you want me to show off my abs for the internet?’ Guerin grinned and wiggled his eyebrows.

‘I’m not in the business of prostituting minors, Guerin.’ Jenna said blankly.

‘I’m twenty, I’m not a minor.’

‘Can you drink?’

‘I can in this country.’ Guerin smirked. Jenna rolled her eyes.

‘Just put on the wetsuit, Guerin.’

As it turns out, putting on a wetsuit was not easy. It took both of them five minutes to wrangle the things on. For guys who wore full body suits for their job, it was kind of embarrassing. These things were tight though. When Alex emerged from the tiny dressing room he’d been shoved into and headed onto the beach, Maria whistled and Alex could feel his cheeks heat up.

‘God dammit Maria, shut up.’ He muttered. He was saved from any more embarrassing comments by Guerin also showing up.

Fuck.

Who allowed him to have such nice shoulders? Why the fuck did he need to have such a slim waist? Why, to all that is holy, could you see the outline of his abs in that thing?

‘We should get him a hair tie or something, that mess he calls hair is going to get in his face.’ Alex was really proud of the level way that sentence came out.

‘Hey man, at least I don’t spend thirty minutes every morning styling my hair, like some people around here. I prefer sleeping. Plus, girls love the curls.’ There was that stupid smirk again.

‘Well, you could wash it a _little _more often.’ Isobel piped up from where she’d settled on a towel (where did she get that?) on the sand.

‘See!’ Alex grinned. ‘Even your sister agrees.’

‘Is, you’re supposed to be on my side.’ Guerin said with a betrayed look. She simply shrugged, pushed her sunglasses further up her nose and turned to watch the waves.

‘Okay boys.’ Jenna called, she came walking over to them through the sand with possibly the most Australian looking guy Alex had ever seen. Tall and tanned with brown hair that was sun-bleached at the tips. ‘This is Shane, he’s going to be giving you a surfing lesson today. Behave and listen to what he says.’

‘Hi there guys.’ Shane said as he came over to shake their hands. Alex didn’t want to embarrass himself in front of this guy, or the internet, so he did in fact focus on what he was telling them. It seemed like Guerin was in the same mindset, because he didn’t make any snarky comments during Shane’s explanation either.

First, he made them do the movement of standing up while on dry land, their boards laying on the sand. It didn’t seem that hard. Well, it didn’t seem that hard until they got in the water.

‘Um, so, are there like, sharks here?’ Alex asked as they paddled a short way out into the water. The temperature was actually nice, which was good because Alex hated any sort of cold, especially cold water.

‘Usually not this close to the shore.’ Shane said as he motioned them to a stop, turned his board easily (how did he do that?) and sat up facing the shore. ‘And we haven’t seen a shark along this stretch of beach in about sixteen months, so I wouldn’t worry about it.’ Sixteen months didn’t seem like that long at all.

‘I was kind of hoping you were going to say sixteen _years_ there man.’ Guerin piped up from the other side of Shane. Alex couldn’t help it. He laughed.

‘I was kind of thinking the same thing.’

‘Well, at least you two agree on _something_.’ Shane said with a laugh. ‘I was kind of expecting more snark to be honest.’

‘I’ve been focussed on not falling off this thing and making myself look like a fool-‘

‘Good luck with that.’ Guerin murmured, Alex ignored him.

‘-the snarky comments will come when he fails _spectacularly_ at this.’

‘Oh just you wait, I’m going to be awesome.’ Guerin said confidently, but Alex wasn’t a complete idiot, he could read the nerves in Guerin’s shoulders.

‘Alright, by all means, show me what you got.’ Alex sat back on the board and made a lazy hand motion. Guerin looked at him with narrowed eyes for a few seconds, then he pushed his shoulders back, clenched his jaw and looked at Shane.

‘Go ahead, mate.’ Shane shrugged.

Guerin took a deep breath and as the swell of a small wave approached, he followed the step by step plan Shane had taught them. Well, he followed it right up until the “and then you stand up” part. Instead of surfing smoothly to the beach, Guerin wobbled and then face-planted into the water.

Alex would have laughed, but it was his turn next, so he held back on that. If he actually nailed this now, _then_ he’d laugh, and rub it in Guerin’s face for the rest of time.

‘Alright, you’re up.’ Shane grinned at him when Guerin’s head popped up out of the water.

Alex was _this_ close to doing it. He really was. He got his feet set as the wave picked him up, straightened up, and for a second he had it.

Then he wobbled and ended up flopping into the water. He went under and for a second there was nothing but the immense silence of the water around him. It didn’t last. The second Alex’s head popped up above the water he could hear Guerin laughing. Alex pushed his hair off his forehead.

‘That was just great!’ Guerin called sarcastically from the beach.

‘I didn’t see you do much better dickhead.’ Alex called as he grabbed his board and made his way to the shoreline. ‘I was definitely up there for longer than you were.’ He said when he was able to slide off his board and have his feet touch the sand.

‘In your dreams, Manes.’ Guerin said as he walked over to him.

‘Let’s ask the expert.’ Alex said as both of them turned to watch Shane surf easily towards them. Show-off.

Shane turned out to be a giant tease. He told them over and over that they were pretty much equal, even when Alex was _clearly_ staying on longer. Even when Guerin almost made it all the way and Alex was in the water within seconds he assured them they were both doing “great”. Alex would have been annoyed, but it was actually kind of fun. He liked being in the water, the sun was nice, he was learning a new skill and he could barely hear Guerin’s annoying voice over the sound of the waves. He was almost sad when it was over.

‘God there is sand in places sand _should not_ be.’ Guerin groaned after they’d turned in their boards and thanked Shane.

‘Ugh, Guerin.’ Alex whined. ‘That is information I did not need.’

‘What? You’re not interested in the state of my ass?’ Guerin asked, raising his eyebrows comically.

‘No, why the fuck would I care about the state of your ass?’

‘I don’t know, it’s pretty nice.’ Guerin said, twisting his body awkwardly to try and look at his own butt. Alex rolled his eyes.

‘So humble.’ He sighed, ignoring the fact that he was right. He was also ignoring that this was about the friendliest they’d acted towards each other (while the cameras were off) since the Day It All Went To Hell. The silence stretched just a little too long, they shared a glance, Guerin seemed to have realized the same thing.

‘We should go find Jenna, see if we can take these things off yet.’ Guerin said awkwardly, tugging at the collar of the wetsuit.

‘Yeah, I’m about ready to take this off.’ Alex agreed quickly. Apparently things got awkward when you realized you might actually kind of like your mortal enemy. It didn’t matter much, because when they were around other people again, Guerin went right back to being a dick.

‘Hey Jenna!’ He yelled loudly when they could see the crew again, several of the innocent people just hanging out on the beach looked up. ‘Can we take these off yet? Manes has sand in his ass!’ He yelled just as loudly.

‘What the fuck Guerin.’ Alex felt his cheeks flame up. ‘_You_ said you had sand in your ass, you dickbag.’ Alex wanted to punch him, but a mom with two small kids was already looking at him disapprovingly. ‘Sorry.’ He added to her. She shook her head and looked away. Guerin just smirked at him.

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’ Alex was about to snap back something nasty, but Maria narrowed her eyes at him, so he didn’t.

That didn’t mean he didn’t silently fume in the backseat the whole way back to their hotel. After a long shower and several rounds of breathing exercises, Alex felt more centred again. His phone dinged at him from the nightstand. He reached over to grab it.

Kyle Valenti: _Everything good?_

Sometimes he was convinced Kyle had mind reading abilities, or at least some sort of psychic connection to Alex, because he always seemed to know when something was off.

_Yeah, I’m fine. Guerin’s still a dick._

Kyle Valenti: _Of course he is. Ready for the free practice tomorrow?_

_More than ready. _

Kyle Valenti: _Good, get some sleep._

He didn’t sleep all that bad. He woke up with the familiar spark of excitement in his stomach. Fridays were the days that the drivers were allowed to practice on the track. It was really just an excuse to gather data on the cars and try out the settings before qualifying the next day. If you didn’t know the track by this point, you were fucked anyway.

That was the main thing about going over a track at 300 km/h, you didn’t have much time to think about what corner was coming next, which was why drivers practiced them so often they could drive them in their sleep.

Alex had to share a car with Guerin as they headed to the track, but that was fine, Alex had headphones on and was listening to his race-weekend playlist. It was mostly an excuse not to have to talk to too many people. Race weekends were a weird mixture of everyone wanting something from you, and everyone leaving you alone to “concentrate”. Over the years, Alex had learned to just be firm in what you needed, after all, on Sundays everyone expected _you_ to drive them to a podium.

‘Morning guys.’ Alex said as he headed into the garage and took off his headphones and let them hang around his neck. There was a chorus of greetings from around and under the car.

‘Morning Alex.’ Karl approached him, the car looked like it usually did on FP days. The wings and wheels weren’t attached yet, but Alex wasn’t worried. ‘Ready to rock and roll?’ Alex laughed.

‘Of course. Ready to get this season going, finally.’ Alex said and Karl set a hand on his shoulder.

‘Good. I am happy you are excited.’ He gestured vaguely at the other mechanics. ‘The boys have been working hard. We will do some tests with the front wing this morning.’ Alex nodded.

‘Got it.’

‘Alex, good morning.’ Mister Valenti came walking into the garage. ‘Time to get changed. FP1 starts in 30 minutes.’

‘On it.’ Alex knew this routine by heart now.

He remembered how stressed he’d been his first time here. Seventeen years old, didn’t even have a driver’s license (he’d been a little busy winning karting world championships) and shaking like a leaf. He’d made it through that weekend on pure determination. Now, three years later, it was kind of weird to find himself the veteran. A twenty year old as the veteran driver of your team, it seemed crazy. Luckily for him Jim Valenti had always believed in him and stood by him. Even when he DNF’ed on almost 50% of his races in his second season. He was the one to suggest that having his father there on race weekends wasn’t actually helping. He’d been the first one on the radio to congratulate him when he won his first race.

When Alex reappeared with his racing suit half way on, the car was looking a lot more like a car. The front wing was now on and Alex could see the wheels being rolled towards the car. He slipped his arms into the sleeves and shrugged the suit the rest of the way on. He left the zipper down around his belly button for now.

‘Five minutes, Alex.’ He nodded in the direction of the voice. He put on his helmet and the HANS (head and neck support), zipped up his suit and slipped on his gloves. By God he was excited. He couldn’t stop himself from jiggling his leg. When mister Valenti came into the garage, he laughed.

‘Alright, get in there.’ He said and Alex grinned behind his helmet. Several of the mechanics laughed and Alex felt several pats on his back as he climbed into the car. He made sure it was all clear before starting the engine. The roar of the car was like greeting an old friend.

‘Good?’ One of the mechanics, Connor, leant over the cockpit. Alex gave him a thumbs up in return.

‘_Alright Alex, radio good?’ _Mister Valenti’s voice sounded in his ears.

‘Yep, all good.’ Alex confirmed.

‘_Alright, we’ve got green light, so start off with the installation lap.’_

‘Got it.’ Alex checked if he was clear one more time before setting the car in gear and driving it from the garage into the pitlane and then out onto the track. The sun was bright as all hell and Alex was glad for his visor. The installation lap was basically just a check of all major systems. Suspension, gear box, power unit and the brakes, just a little test run to make sure Alex wouldn’t blow up the car when he started pushing it.

‘_Alright Alex, the readings look good. Do another slow lap and then a fast one. Both Ferrari’s are on the track now._’ Mister Valenti warned him.

‘Copy.’ Alex replied.

They let Guerin out just before they brought Alex back in to change the front wing so he could test out something new they’d tried out in the wind tunnel. The new wing felt great on the car, it felt more steady, more like all four wheels were securely on the ground. Better downforce. Alex relayed as much to the garage and before he knew it FP1 was over. They agreed that they wouldn’t have Alex out for FP2, he’d just do a final test in FP3 on Saturday morning before qualifying.

Kyle generally let Alex be on race weekends, unless he felt like something was off. Alex’s brain was so busy with the race that he generally didn’t even really miss him, but for some reason, by Saturday night, Alex really felt like he needed to talk to him. He’d been hounded by reporters after qualification, it seemed like he wasn’t the only one that thought he could really make an impact this year. He’d qualified fourth, which was a pretty good spot for them, especially on this track. Guerin would be starting right behind him on the grid in sixth. All Alex would have in front of him, if nothing weird happened during the start, was the two Mercedes and a Ferrari. He could deal with that.

‘Hey dude.’ Kyle answered his phone after two rings.

‘Hey K.’

‘Nice driving in Quali’s today.’ He could hear some sort of cartoon in the background as Kyle talked.

‘Thanks, fourth is a good spot for tomorrow.’ Alex agreed.

‘Yeah, you aiming for a podium?’ Kyle asked.

‘I’m always aiming for a podium.’ Alex said. ‘The Mercedes are probably going to take one and two, but three is up for grabs.’

‘Alex Manes aiming for third? I thought that was not a concept you were familiar with.’ Alex rolled his eyes. 

‘I’m a realist Kyle.’

‘I kind of think you’re a pessimist to be honest, buddy.’

‘What?’ Alex made a insulted spluttering sound. ‘I’m not a pessimist, I totally see the positives in life!’

‘Really. When?’

‘Well- um- I… Shit.’ Kyle’s laughter, however annoying, made him smile. ‘Alright, alright, fine. I’m not the most optimistic person ever, but I’m not that bad, am I?’

‘Nah bro, I’m just yanking your chain. You’re gonna get that podium tomorrow. I can feel it in my bones.’ Kyle said and Alex really hoped he was right. Starting of the season with a podium would be ideal.

‘Yeah, yeah, whatever. I’m going to get some sleep.’

‘Alright, see you tomorrow.’

Lights out. Alex was off. He had 58 laps to get the car to where it needed to go. The car felt _good_, more responsive and faster than last year. Overtaking the Ferrari wasn’t easy, but Alex had never been one to go for easy. If there was a corner people said you couldn’t overtake, Alex would try it anyways if he saw an opening. When his stomach clenched with nerves, he just put his foot on the gas. He didn’t push the Ferrari off the track. He didn’t. His nose was ahead and the other guy yielded. So, the asshole complained about it to the stewards, but whatever, Alex didn’t get a penalty, and he _did_ get a third place finish. Suck on that Ferrari.

Alex stood politely as God save the Queen played. Mercedes had in fact taken the first two places, but Alex had snagged the first podium for Red Bull that season. The champagne was awful, Alex hated it, but he pretended to take a sip for the pictures, he mostly just sprayed it in the direction of his crew, who hollered at him loudly. He didn’t see Guerin until he joined the crew to take a picture with the P3 sign and his new trophy.

‘A real dick move on the Ferrari. Nice driving.’ Guerin said as they passed each other. He looked sweaty, but happy. They clasped their hands together quickly, there were still camera’s everywhere after all. He wasn’t sure how to read Guerin’s tone. He wouldn’t consider the first part a compliment, it was a clean racing move, but the second part sounded somewhat genuine.

‘You too.’ Alex decided on. Guerin had finished in P5. ‘If you want some champagne, I’m sure the bottle is around here somewhere.’ He decided to add. ‘Fifth isn’t bad for your first race.’ He made sure to give it just a little bit of bite. Just because he was high on his first podium of the season, didn’t mean he was going to go all soft on Guerin.

‘Fuck you, Manes.’ Guerin said, but it didn’t carry all that much heat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, alright, not quite as hostile as last chapter, but not exactly friendly either. At first I was thinking I'd do a chapter per race, but then I realized /how many/ races there are and pfff, that's probably not going to happen. 
> 
> Also, Alex being 17 when he drove his first Formula One race is based off a real person! My fellow countryman, Max Verstappen, was 17 when he started driving for Torro Rosso, Red Bull's development (eh sort of) team. He was promoted to Red Bull a while later and he immediatly won that race. He's a bit of a trouble maker, but I love it.


	4. Mama said, fulfil the prophecy, be something great

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bahrein leaves Alex a little shaken, but he isn't sure why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I'm sticking to my schedule so far! My sister was my sound board for this chapter, so thaaanks asshole for letting me jabber at you about characters and backstories and if this did or did not make sense. 
> 
> Thank you all so much for your encouragement so far! It really motivates me to keep going!

Bahrein was in the middle of the desert. The days were hot as hell and while Alex generally enjoyed the heat, the tires of a Formula One car did not. Also, for the comfort and safety of the crew in the garages, they were all airconditioned, well, they should have been.

Alex was standing outside the Red Bull garage with his arms crossed, over to their left was the Renault garage, outside of which Long, his former teammate and giant dickhead, was complaining to a steward.

‘O come on, it’s not _that_ hot in there, they can work just fine! I need to get these practice laps in.’ Long said.

‘What is that sound?’ Maria’s voice sounded from behind him.

‘Stupidity.’ Alex sighed. When Maria stayed quiet, he looked over at her, she seemed confused. ‘Oh, you mean _that_ sound?’ Alex asked, pointing at the loudly whining air-conditioning unit. ‘That’s the air-conditioning.’ Maria laughed but tried to stifle it behind her hand, Long looked over suspiciously. ‘The air-co is broken and because of the heat the teams aren’t allowed to work in the garage, safety reasons. I think they might cancel FP1.’

‘Okay, would that be a problem?’ She asked.

‘It’s not ideal, but we’ll manage.’ Alex shrugged.

‘Okay, let me know if there’s anything I can do for you.’ She smiled. ‘Make sure to get out of the sun soon, we don’t need you to get a heatstroke or something.’

‘Yeah, I will.’ Alex promised and Maria headed off in the direction of the driver’s lounge. Alex could have been there as well, there _was_ air-conditioning there, but Guerin was also there. They hadn’t filmed a video for the channel this week, so there hadn’t really been any more awkward or snappy interactions, but Alex still didn’t want to go look for them either.

‘Holy shit, why is it so fucking warm here?’ Speak of the Devil.

‘Because we’re in the middle of the desert?’ Alex said blankly.

‘Well yeah duh, but still it’s like, warm enough to melt rubber.’

‘Did you just say “duh”? What are you, a teenage girl?’ Alex asked with a raised eyebrow. Guerin rolled his eyes.

‘If I were a teenage girl, I wouldn’t be here.’ Guerin said. ‘Haven’t you heard? Women can’t drive.’ His tone was so dry, this was clearly something he’d heard some old, rich asshole say. At least, Alex sure as fucked hoped it was. ‘Unless, of course, her daddy was an old friend of a Formula One team boss.’ Alex narrowed his eyes.

‘Seriously?’ He asked, he could feel the annoyance crawl under his skin.

‘You want to tell me, with a straight face, that you’d have gotten that seat at seventeen if your dad hadn’t known mister Valenti since high school?’ Guerin asked with a truly bitchy look on his face.

‘I won my first Formula One race at barely eighteen. I may have gotten that seat because my dad knew mister Valenti, but _my driving_ kept me the seat.’ Alex said. He’d gotten enough of this bullshit over the years. Yeah, alright, he knew his dad had pulled strings to get him in at seventeen, he wasn’t an idiot. But if he’d been a disaster, Red Bull would have gotten rid of him three seasons ago.

‘I’m just making sure you remember.’ Guerin shrugged annoyingly.

‘If you’re trying to get in my head, it’s not going to work.’ Alex tightened his grip on his arm. They were still crossed tightly over his chest.

‘I’m not trying to get in your head. In fact, I couldn’t care less about what you’re doing.’ Guerin crossed his arms as well.

‘Really? So why exactly did you feel the need to come over here and start talking to me?’ Alex asked, tilting his head.

‘Maybe I just came over here to check on the air-conditioning.’ Guerin replied haughtily.

‘Maybe I’d like for you to fuck off now.’

‘Maybe I don’t care.’

‘Maybe your dick is so small because God decided to shove two thirds of it into your personality.’

‘Wow.’ Guerin said with raised eyebrows. ‘That’s a good one. I kind of like it. Except, that would have had a lot more impact if you’d actually _seen_ my dick, which you haven’t, so that’s like, half burn points, man.’

With anyone else, Alex would have laughed. Instead, he just sighed deeply and walked away. He didn’t have time to accidentally like Guerin, he was too busy being annoyed at him and kicking his ass during races.

‘Alex Manes.’ Uh oh.

‘Yes Maria?’ She only ever used his full name when he was in trouble.

‘Why the hell are you hiding?’ She asked, hands set on her hips.

‘I’m not hiding.’ Alex said, wrapping his arms around his knees.

‘Oh so you’re just sitting in the corner of the garage because…?’

‘Maybe I just wanted a little peace and quiet.’ Alex was aware he sounded defensive.

‘Alex, I’ve known you for a long time, this is what you do when you’re trying to avoid someone.’ Alex made some sounds that were technically supposed to be words. ‘What was that?’ Maria asked patiently. He stared at his knees.

‘I don’t want to see Guerin’s gloating face.’ Alex mumbled. He expected Maria to get angry, tell him to man up, but she just sighed instead. She sounded sad. It made Alex’s head snap up. Maria pushed lightly against his knee and Alex scooted over in his corner so she could wriggle herself into the space next to him.

‘Alex, sweetie.’ She said softly. It always made him feel overly emotional when she called him sweetie. ‘You’re scared of him. I understand.’

‘I don’t know…’

‘I know you don’t know.’ She said with a soft laugh. ‘Listen, at the risk of sounding creepy, I’ve been watching you two interact. To be honest, I think neither of you dislikes the other as much as you’d like to have us believe.’ She sighed deeply. ‘I know hating him seems like the easiest option, and maybe right now, it is, but this isn’t where your story ends.’

‘You know I don’t believe in your fortune telling stuff.’

‘Yeah, yeah, you’re a non-believer. That doesn’t change what I know.’ She smiled at him. ‘You’ll be just fine Alex Manes, sure, Guerin is starting on the second row and you’re starting on the third. It wasn’t your day, you had some setbacks, but you’ve come back from much further down the grid. I’m not worried about you, and you shouldn’t be either.’

‘I’m not worried.’

‘Then why won’t you face Guerin?’ Alex opened his mouth and then closed it again.

‘Yesterday he brought up the whole “you only got this seat because of your dad” thing and I know that if I see him now, he’s going to bring that shit back up and I don’t need those thoughts in my brain right now.’ Alex said, he could feel Maria tense next to him.

‘That little shit.’

‘It’s not like he knows how fucked up my relationship with my dad really is.’ Why the hell was he defending him anyways.

‘I don’t care, he brings up your dad again, tell me and I’ll go have a chat with him.’ Maria said, her face said that she would absolutely kill Guerin and bury the body in the desert if Alex asked her to.

‘Maria, I don’t need you to fight my battles for me.’ Alex said, nudging his shoulder against hers.

‘You’ve fought enough battles, Alex. Sometimes it’s okay to let other people look out for you.’ She patted his knee and then wriggled herself back out of the corner. She stood in front of him, brushed off her jeans and schooled her face into a steady expression. ‘Alright, I have shit to do and you need to find your determination and be the badass racing boy I know you are. So, get up, drink something and listen to some 80s rock or something.’ Alex laughed.

‘Alright, alright, I’ll go and pretend to have my shit together.’

‘Good, and go talk to Kyle, he was looking for you earlier.’ Maria said before heading off. Alex pushed himself onto his feet. Why did everything always have to be so complicated? His qualification had been fine, not great and certainly not the best he’d ever done, but he hadn’t crashed and he was still in the top 6, that’s where he needed to be. So why was he so shaken by Guerin getting to start in 3rd while he had to be back in 6th? The difference wasn’t even really that big, it was just one row back. Still it had felt like a slap to the face.

Shake it off.

He went to look for Kyle. He wasn’t hard to find. He was talking to his dad in one of the back area’s of the garage. Alex approached as mister Valenti walked away.

‘Alex.’ Kyle said cheerfully. ‘I was looking for you.’

‘Yeah Maria told me as much. What’s up?’ He asked.

‘Remember that girl I was talking to the other day?’ Alex frowned but nodded. ‘Well I called her and we’re going on a date!’ Kyle said happily, Alex just blinked at him.

‘That’s it? K, I thought there was something important going on.’

‘My love life isn’t important to you?’ Kyle put a hand over his heart dramatically. ‘Great best friend you are.’ Alex sighed.

‘I didn’t mean it like that you idiot.’ He lightly punched Kyle’s shoulder. ‘Of course I’m happy for you, she seemed nice, and she was hot too.’ Kyle made a face at him. ‘What?’

‘Hot?’ Alex glanced over his shoulder. No one.

‘K, buddy, I’m gay, not blind.’ Alex said while trying to hide his smile. ‘I know she’s attractive, I just don’t want to sleep with her.’

‘You don’t want to sleep with who?’ Alex fought not to tense up completely as Guerin’s voice sounded from behind him. Why did he keep doing that? And where the fuck did he come from?

‘My date.’ Kyle said when it was clear Alex wasn’t about to answer. He turned so he could see Guerin in his peripheral vision, but he kept his eyes on Kyle. He didn’t want to deal with Guerin’s face. 

‘Well yeah, that seems like bad form. Sleeping with your best friend’s date is kind of a no-go.’ Guerin’s voice sounded like he had that annoying grin on his face.

‘How would you know that, you don’t have friends.’ Alex said. In retrospect, that was probably not fair, and too far. He’d feel bad about it later. It was just instinct. He wanted Guerin away from the subject, he didn’t want to give Guerin any ammo. Letting him find out Alex wasn’t straight was like giving the guy a rocket launcher. So he lashed out.

It was a little painful, how Guerin actually flinched a little. He pulled himself together quickly though, almost quick enough that Alex didn’t notice. He grinned and shrugged.

‘Nah, friends are just a lot of effort for minimal rewards, man.’ Guerin shrugged again, just a little too casual. ‘As much fun as this has been, I’ve got to go. I want to catch some Z’s before I start _from the second row_ tomorrow.’ And there it was. Alex rolled his eyes.

‘Yeah, get some sleep, you’ll want to be awake so you can see me pass you on the first lap.’

‘Ha, I’ll believe it when I see it, Manes.’ Guerin threw back over his shoulder as he walked away. When he was out of sight and presumably earshot Kyle’s hand landed on his shoulder.

‘Jeez Alex, you’re lucky he has some sense of humour, I would have punched you in the throat.’ Alex blinked at him. Did, did Kyle not see what Alex saw? Did he miss the flash of hurt?

‘Well, I would have deserved it, it was kind of a low blow.’ Alex said.

‘Yeah, it kind of was.’ Kyle squeezed his shoulder, he was grinning now. ‘Still going for the #1 bitch award?’

‘Please, you know I’d win that by a landslide.’ Alex shrugged of his hand and he started to head out of the garage, smiling at Kyle’s laughter behind him.

The race was kind of a shitshow. There was a crash in the second lap, no one was hurt but it got a lot of debris on the track, so they had to drive behind a safety car while they cleaned up the track. By then Alex had already moved to fifth, behind Guerin, who had lost a spot at the start. When they were released from behind the safety car, Alex immediately overtook Guerin around the outside and planned to start hunting for the Ferrari in third. However, things weren’t that easy, Guerin stuck close, close enough that Alex kept having to check his mirrors. It was annoying.

‘_Alex don’t push it.’_ Mister Valenti said over the radio. He knew exactly what it was about. If Guerin managed to actually challenge him for his fourth place, don’t get too aggressive. Don’t push him off the track. He was just being cryptic because these radio calls could be broadcasted.

‘Yeah, yeah, I got it.’ Alex replied as he pushed the car to its top speed on the finishing straight.

There was another crash, one that luckily didn’t require another safety car, and two other cars that blew up their engines. Alex wasn’t involved with any of it. He kept Guerin behind him for 53 more laps. He finished fourth, which he hated, with Guerin only a small second behind in fifth, which he also hated. It was uncomfortably close. He still beat him, but his focus had been behind him so much that he hadn’t managed to catch the Ferrari in front of him. Apparently it sucked having a capable teammate.

‘So Alex, a good day for Red Bull. How did you feel about the race?’ A reporter asked, shoving his obnoxiously green microphone at Alex’s face.

‘Yeah it was a good day for the team. The car felt good, not quite optimal yet, but really good. The race was a bit chaotic, but luckily both Gue-Michael and I managed to stay out of trouble and get points for the team.’ Alex stumbled only a little over Guerin’s name.

‘Yes, did you think, at any point, that Guerin would be able to catch you?’ The same reporter asked. How was he supposed to answer that without sounding like a dick?

‘He sure as hell kept me on my toes, that’s for sure.’ Alex said vaguely.

‘Were there any team orders involved with your battle?’ Alex frowned.

‘Not that I know of.’ He answered before pointedly looking at the next reporter, hoping for a different line of questioning.

‘China is up next week, how do you see your chances there?’ Thank God the next reporter moved on, but Green Mic Guy had put a tiny seed of doubt in Alex’s brain. Had mister Valenti told Guerin not to try and pass Alex in order to not risk a crash?

‘China should be fun, we are definitely driving for a podium there. It’s always a fun race and I’m looking forward to it.’ Alex said, his media training had certainly paid off over the years. All tracks were fun and great and he was always looking forward to it and he was sure it was going to be fun and whatever other diplomatic bullshit he could come up with.

‘Any thoughts on the championship standings so far?’ Another guy asked. Alex shrugged.

‘It’s the second race of the season so, not really.’ Jenna touched his shoulder, that was his que to leave. ‘Thanks guys.’ He said as a formality. Because one of the most important things he’d learned from mister Valenti was that you always wanted to keep the reporters on your good side. Jenna lead him away from the microphones.

‘So, that went well.’

‘Yep, I didn’t say anything incriminating. Another win for me.’ They had turned interviews into somewhat of a game, every time reporters didn’t manage to trip him up and get him to say anything bad, was a win for Alex.

‘For China, we’re doing the “how well do you know your teammate” video. Do a little research please. Make sure you at least know when and where he was born, I’d hate to have you get every question wrong.’ Jenna said as they headed towards the garage so Alex could get his stuff.

‘Thanks Jen.’ Alex meant it too. They weren’t technically supposed to be informed of what they were doing ahead of time, but she was right, if they both got all questions about the other wrong, it’d be somewhat difficult to explain.

‘Yeah whatever, just make sure your acting is on point.’ Jenna waved him off. ‘I’ll tell Guerin the same.’ Alex gave her a thumbs up and went to find his stuff.

He felt jittery as the driver took him back to the hotel. More jittery than last week. Weird. Usually he calmed down as the season progressed, he generally didn’t get worse.

‘Good race?’ The driver asked in near accent-less English, distracting him from his self-analysis.

‘Yeah, a bit messy, but fourth isn’t bad.’ Alex said. Next to him, Maria was absorbed in her phone, she seemed to be texting someone.

‘You drive like the devil is chasing you, boy.’ Alex must have looked a little confused because the man laughed. ‘That is a good thing.’ Alex smiled.

‘Ah, thank you.’ Silence fell over the car after that. When they exited the car at the hotel, the air outside had finally cooled down a little. As they headed into the hotel, Maria finally emerged from her phone.

‘How are you feeling?’ She asked, the question was heavy and honest. No lying. They entered the elevator, Maria hit the button.

‘A little wound up. Otherwise fairly okay.’ Alex said as the doors closed. ‘One of the reporters suggested something that’s been nagging at me though.’

‘What did he say?’

‘He asked if there were team orders involved with Guerin not passing me. If the team had told him not to fight me for fourth.’ Alex said, just repeating it out loud made sometime clench in his stomach. If he hadn’t beaten Guerin straight up…

‘I didn’t hear anything like that but, if you want to be sure, you should ask mister Valenti.’

‘Wouldn’t that make me seem insecure though?’ Alex asked. The last thing he wanted was for mister Valenti to think, that Alex thought, that Guerin was better than him. Maria titled her head.

‘I’m not sure. I don’t think so, but we don’t always agree on these things.’ She shrugged. ‘You could ask Kyle?’ Alex thought about that for a second.

‘Yeah, that might be a good call. I’ll ask tomorrow, on the plane.’ Alex exited the elevator the moment the doors opened, they always made him feel a little queasy.

‘Ah yes, where you sit next to you plane buddy _Kyle _and leave me to fend for myself.’ Maria said dramatically. It was an old argument, an argument that they’d been having for almost as long as they’d been working together, hell almost as long as they’d _known_ each other.

Maria was a few years older than him and Liz, but that hadn’t really mattered. He grew up with Kyle, met Liz in kindergarten and they met Maria by accident when he was twelve and she’d just moved into town, they’d been like the four Musketeers ever since.

After high school Liz went to be a science genius, but she hung out around the Red Bull engineers whenever she could (always ready to learn something new), Maria studied Journalism and then became Alex’s manager (a bit of a leap but she was _good_ at handling him, so no one cared) and Kyle went and studied something complicated with “physical” in the title and became his official trainer.

Liz had gone back to school before Australia, but they’d been texting in their group chat. He’d been reliably informed that she was fine, she hadn’t blown anything up (yet) and she was totally graduating this year.

‘You know, your silence is hurtful. You could at least _try _to convince me you love me more than you love Kyle.’ Maria said as they approached her room, Alex was just a few doors down.

‘Sorry.’ Alex flinched, he hadn’t realized he’d been quiet for so long. ‘I was just thinking back to how we met.’

‘You mean when you and Liz, at twelve years old, helped me figure out the math problems I was crying over in the back corner of the local diner?’ She smiled fondly at the memory. ‘God I was such a mess.’

‘_Yeah_, but, look at you now.’ Alex said, giving her a teasing push with his elbow. She set her hand on his arm and with a grin, pushed him in the direction of his own room.

‘Get some sleep, punk.’

‘See you tomorrow.’ Alex waved before sliding the key card from his pocket and opening the door.

When he’d gotten ready for bed and he’d crawled under the pillows, he still couldn’t quite shake the uncomfortable feeling in his stomach. He tried to fall asleep, but his mind kept running in circles. Did the team intervene in the race today? Had he beaten Guerin fair and square? Was he really the better driver or was it just the team looking out for the team? And why couldn’t he get the hurt look on Guerin’s face out of his mind?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can't get his sad face out of your head because you like him, idiot! 
> 
> Nah, I'm kidding, Alex is a confused boy. But that's okay, he'll figure it out. Eventually. 
> 
> Comments make me squeal with delight!


	5. Go make a legacy, man of his destiny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex plays "how well do you know your teammate?" and the boys share their first positive experience, sort of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Back again! Thank you all so much for your support. It motivates me so much!  
If you want to, you could come yell at me on my Tumblr: Daffietjuh
> 
> Little heads up, I might miss my opload on Sunday and update Monday instead, I've got a really busy weekend and I might not finish the chapter. 
> 
> Also a little info for this chapter (thanks Google for explaining this muuuuch better than I ever could):
> 
> DRS: Drag reduction system: “DRS is a form of driver-adjustable bodywork aimed at reducing aerodynamic drag in order to increase top speed and promote overtaking in motor racing. It is an adjustable rear wing of the car, which moves in response to driver commands. DRS often comes with conditions, such as the pursuing car must be within a second (when both cars cross the detection point) for DRS to be activated.”

‘_Don’t_.’ Alex snapped. ‘Next time you want to intervene with us in a race, at least have the fucking decency to tell me.’ He felt like he was boiling, both from anger and shame. He didn’t slam the door to mister Valenti’s office, because he wasn’t five years old, but it took some effort.

Unreal. Un-fucking-believable. After Bahrein, Alex had not been able to get the idea of the team ordering Guerin not to try and pass Alex out of his head, especially as he watched some of the race footage back. He realized that Guerin had had more than one opportunity to use DRS to make his life harder, but he hadn’t. So, he’d gone to talk to mister Valenti. He hadn’t planned on losing his shit, but something about mister Valenti’s reaction had pushed the wrong buttons.

He’d acted like Alex wasn’t capable of racing without causing an accident. Like he actually agreed with the small fraction of fans and reporters that believed Alex was too “aggressive” to race in Formula One, that he didn’t have enough self-control not to cause an accident when someone got close. It pissed him off even more that Guerin had _listened_, because if Alex had been in that position, he probably wouldn’t have. He’d have told the garage to go to hell and tried to pass him anyways.

It did also make him feel worse about how he’d been acting towards Guerin. The guy had _let_ Alex beat him, and didn’t even rub it in his face. The guilt mixed with the anger was making him feel nauseous and light headed.

He realized he didn’t even know where he was going. Liz was back in the US, Kyle wasn’t here, and neither was Maria. He was on his own. He set his back against the wall and he pressed his shoulder blades into the unyielding surface until it hurt. He closed his eyes and tried to take deep breaths. He needed to calm down.

He just stood there for a while, staring at the inside of his eyelids and breathing. He heard footsteps, but he figured it was a mechanic, they were used to seeing Alex do weird things around the facility sometimes. However, the footsteps stopped.

‘So, are you practicing sleeping while standing up, or what?’ Of-fucking-course. Guerin had the uncanny ability to show up when Alex did not want to see him.

‘I’m trying not to punch a hole in the wall.’ Alex said, keeping his eyes closed for a beat longer. When he opened them, it took a few seconds to adjust to the light. Guerin was dressed in street clothes today and Alex had not been prepared for that. He was used to seeing him in team branded stuff, not in ratty light-washed jeans and a slightly less worn shirt.

‘Hm, who pissed you off this time? I wasn’t even around, so it can’t have been me, right?’ Guerin asked, his tone said that he _clearly_ expected Alex to be mad at him, even if he hadn’t been around. That stung a little.

‘Valenti.’ Alex said shortly. That got him a raised eyebrow. ‘I-‘ Alex stopped himself. He was not about to share his minor breakdown with Guerin, right?

‘You, what?’ Guerin asked, Alex could see he was trying to stay casual.

‘Next time he tells you not to try and pass me in a race, tell him to go fuck himself.’ Alex decided. ‘I don’t want to win, just because you weren’t trying.’

‘You’re telling me to ignore team orders?’

‘I’m telling you that I hope he doesn’t ask again, because I just lost my shit over this whole thing a little, but if he does, don’t listen.’ Alex wanted to apologize for the “no friends” comment, but he was already letting himself be too close to friendly. ‘Don’t tell me you’re scared of the consequences?’ Guerin cracked just the tiniest smile. Alex’s stomach flipped.

‘Scared? Please.’ Guerin huffed, sticking out his chest. ‘We race full out, fuck the consequences.’ Guerin held out a hand towards Alex.

‘Fuck the consequences.’ Alex agreed and he shook Guerin’s hand. He had nice hands. His fingers were more calloused than Alex had been expecting, but they were long and slim and- nope.

‘See you in China?’ Guerin asked with another tentative smile.

‘Yeah. Be ready to lose, for real this time.’ Alex said, giving him a small smile in return.

‘If we’re going all out, you don’t stand a chance.’ The smile turning into that cocky smirk Alex hated, except, maybe he didn’t hate it all that much.

‘We’ll see about that.’

‘Alex, sit down over there.’ Jenna pointed him towards a chair behind a table. Alex sat down. They were in what looked like a conference room in Shanghai. One wall consisted entirely of windows and it gave them an awesome view over the track they’d be driving tomorrow for FP1. ‘Okay, so today we’re going to test how well you know your teammate!’ Jenna said cheerfully, while giving him a sharp look from behind the camera. She tossed a small stack of cards down onto the table Alex was sitting behind. When he picked them up he realized they contained questions. ‘Go on.’ Jenna encouraged.

‘When is Michael’s birthday?’ Alex read off the first card. Well, that was one he’d prepared for. ‘Uh, it’s in May, right?’

‘What day?’ Jenna asked from behind the camera.

‘May the….22nd?’ Alex asked with a hopeful grin. Jenna gave him a thumbs up from behind the camera. ‘Yes! The next one is: Where is Michael from?’

‘The name of the town, please.’ Jenna said.

‘Ah dammit. Well I know he’s from New Mexico, we both are, but the town is called… ah, well, it’s close to Santa Fe. I know that.’ Alex truly didn’t remember the name of the actual small town Guerin was from.

‘Okay, lets count that as half a point.’ Jenna said. ‘Next.’

‘How old was Guerin when he started racing?’ Alex read. ‘I assume fairly young, I’m going to guess…. Four and a half, because halves matter at that age.’ Jenna made an impressed face at him.

‘Ding, ding, ding.’

‘Favourite sport outside of F1?’ Alex frowned. ‘Oh, um. Football?’ Jenna shook her head. ‘Baseball?’ Another no. ‘Basketball?’ Still no. ‘Soccer?’

‘It’s Moto GP.’ Jenna seemed to take pity on him.

‘Oh come on, that’s another racing sport.’ Alex argued.

‘Well it didn’t say outside of _racing_, it said outside of F1.’

‘That was a trick question!’ Alex tried, but Jenna held firm.

‘No points on that one. Next.’

‘What word would Michael use to describe himself?’ God dammit Jenna, what the fuck was Alex supposed to do with that? ‘Oh man, I don’t know.’ Alex said, just to buy himself some time. ‘Maybe “funny”?’ That seemed like something Guerin would say about himself, right? What did Alex even really know about him anyways? Jenna must have read his desperation for the question to be over.

‘Nope.’ She said, but she didn’t give him the right answer either. She motioned for him to move on.

‘What word would he use to describe you?’ Alex couldn’t help the betrayed look he threw in Jenna’s direction. ‘This is even more difficult.’ Alex whined. There was laughter from several of the crew. ‘I can’t say most of the words that come to mind out loud, Jen.’ Alex said, he knew they could just cut this out.

‘Fine, whatever. Skip it.’

‘What would Michael say is his worst characteristic?’ Alex read with a sigh. ‘You’re just trying to get me in trouble, aren’t you?’ Jenna smiled sweetly at him. ‘I think it’s that he dresses like a hobo.’ Jenna laughed loudly.

‘Accurate, but no. He said “lazy”.’ Alex actually frowned at that. He found plenty of things about Guerin annoying, but he wouldn’t necessarily call him lazy.

‘What does Michael think is _my_ worst characteristic?’ Probably that I’m a giant dick? ‘I’m a bit over-competitive sometimes.’ Alex shrugged.

‘Ding, ding, ding.’ Jenna grinned and Alex rolled his eyes.

‘What is Michael’s biggest fear?’ Alex actually had to think about that for a second. It seemed like something he would know if they were friends, but they weren’t. ‘Well, it’s probably not snakes?’ Jenna shook her head. ‘Sharks?’ Another no. ‘Spiders?’

‘One more guess.’

‘Ah shit.’ Alex tried to think about what Guerin would say, he wouldn’t say something super serious, right? ‘Clowns?’ Alex guessed.

‘Ding, ding, _ding_. Nice job.’

‘God, how many more are there?’ Alex asked, flipping through the cards.

‘Just three more, relax.’

‘Fine, what are his best friends called?’ Ouch. He _actually_ didn’t know Guerin had friends, let alone _best_ friends. He never talked about them around Alex. The only people Alex had heard him talk about were ‘Isobel and Max?’

‘Ding, ding, ding.’ His siblings, that was actually a little sad.

‘What is Michael’s favourite movie?’ Alex rolled his head around dramatically. ‘Ugh, I don’t know, The Matrix?’

‘Nope, it’s “Cowboys and Aliens”.’

‘Really?’ Alex asked with a disbelieving laugh. ‘What an idiot.’ Jenna shrugged.

‘Final question.’

‘Right, finally: What colour are Michael’s eyes?’ Oh. ‘Hazel, right?’ That should probably have been harder, but he remembered the hurt look in those pretty eyes all too well.

‘That is correct! You got 6 out of 12 right.’

‘Hey! That’s 50%! Nice!’ Alex grinned, he was actually fairly happy about that.

‘It’ll have to do.’ Jenna shrugged, somewhat dismissively and Alex huffed, just for the effect and because he knew it would get him a smile.

‘So, did Jenna give you a condescending “eh it’ll do” too?’ What was it with Guerin and showing up behind him starting random conversations?

‘Yep. 6 out of 12.’ Alex said.

‘Huh, same.’ Alex looked over at him. He was back in his team branded gear.

‘I guess we have something in common after all.’ He said, before continuing to scroll through the plan for the race tomorrow.

‘We’re both decent at googling our teammate?’ Guerin asked.

‘Yeah.’ Alex shrugged.

‘So, double podium tomorrow?’ Guerin continued, leaning over slightly to read along with Alex on the iPad.

‘That’s the plan.’ Alex agreed. They had qualified third and fourth, so they’d share the second starting row. It was a pretty good position for them, especially because there were some rumours that one of the Mercedes on the front row was going to get a grid penalty moving them all the way to the back, so that meant they’d move up to starting from second and third. All they’d need to do, was just get some distance between them and the rest of the pack and finish out the laps. It sounded easy, on paper.

Except of course there was going to be other drivers, and pit stops and there were 56 laps. The total distance they’d drive was around 300km, plenty of time for things to go bad.

‘No more racing orders?’ Alex flinched a little at the question. Mister Valenti had taken him aside earlier that day to talk about Alex’s little outburst. He’d felt like a kid being scolded by a teacher and he’d hated it, but at least it seemed like mister Valenti had gotten the message. He’d also made it very clear, however, that this meant he was trusting them, and that if they broke that trust, he’d go right back to telling them exactly what to do. He was in charge, not Alex.

Alex had left feeling sick and panicky. Luckily, Kyle had been right outside the office waiting for him, and he’d whisked Alex off to get a drink with him and Maria. It had allowed him to get settled, and he’d been able to drive a pretty good qualification, even if he said so himself.

‘As long as we don’t fuck it up.’ He said, he wasn’t really reading anymore, but the iPad meant he had an excuse not to look at Guerin too much.

‘So no crashes?’

‘No crashes.’ Alex agreed. ‘Doable, right?’

‘As long as you don’t get in my way, sure.’ Alex rolled his eyes.

‘Right, because _I’m_ the one starting behind _you_.’ He wasn’t, he would probably end up on the front row, it wouldn’t be his first time, but generally he didn’t get starting positions as good as this.

‘One corner is all I need.’ Guerin grinned sharply before moving off. They were making a habit out of this. It wasn’t a good idea. Alex wasn’t sticking to his own rules. Polite, distant and casual. He’d ditched polite the moment they’d argued during testing. Distant? Maybe. Casual? Nope. He’d already shown that he felt some sort of emotion towards Guerin (good or bad, didn’t matter). He should be focussing on winning races, getting podiums, getting points, instead he was worrying about team orders and bitchy comments and the fact that he really wanted to run his hands through those stupid curls.

This was going to end badly.

Finishing second and third was pretty much the dream scenario for Red Bull on that track. Alex got the silver trophy and Guerin got his first podium in Formula One, good for him. Alex still beat him, fair and square this time. Standing on the podium with Guerin, spraying champagne on him and having to stand close for pictures was a bit of a wake-up call.

Guerin was really fucking attractive. Especially when he smiled like that. Genuinely. None of that snarky smirking bullshit, none of the nervous smiles Alex had gotten, a real smile. It was like he was glowing and it was bad news for Alex.

‘Nice driving, both of you.’ Mister Valenti hugged them both when they got back from the podium. Guerin looked as flustered by the gesture as Alex felt.

‘Thanks.’ Alex said as he caught Kyle who came bouncing over to him. He let out an huff as Kyle hugged him tightly.

‘Way to fucking go Alex, you almost caught up to the damn Mercedes!’

‘Almost.’ Alex wasn’t quite able to keep the annoyance from his voice.

‘Dude, last year we couldn’t get within ten seconds of them. Progress.’ Kyle thumped his fist against Alex’s shoulder. Alex whined, just because he could. He had to play the younger brother card whenever he could, especially when Kyle’s dad was around. Sure enough, he gave Kyle a disapproving look.

‘You’re supposed to train them, not injure them.’ Alex smirked at Kyle who narrowed his eyes.

‘Yes dad.’

‘Congrats again, boys.’ Mister Valenti said before moving off towards Jenna who looked impatient.

‘So,’ Kyle grinned as his father was out of earshot. ‘starting tomorrow, I’ve got a new training schedule for you.’ Alex and Guerin groaned in a weird moment of synchronicity.

‘Kyle.’ Alex whined.

‘Do you want to know what I added?’ Kyle ignored him.

‘No?’ Guerin said.

‘Sprints!’ Kyle continued undeterred.

‘I hate you.’ Alex said.

‘No you don’t.’ Kyle grinned, squeezing Alex’s shoulder.

‘I hate you.’ Guerin tried.

‘No you don’t.’ Kyle said easily. ‘It’s going to be fun!’ Kyle gave Alex’s shoulder a final pat before leaving them alone.

‘We could just lock him in a closet somewhere. Make sure he misses his flight.’ Alex mused. Guerin hummed.

‘Not a bad idea.’ He tapped his chin thoughtfully. ‘Or we could just refuse. We’re grown ass men, he can’t make us so anything we don’t want to.’

‘Well, he can pout at us, and I know I won’t be able to handle that.’ Alex said sighing in advance. ‘Also he could go complain to his dad, who is our boss.’

‘He wouldn’t do that, right?’ Guerin asked.

‘Probably not.’ Alex shrugged.

Silence fell between them. It was strange, that conversation had been almost friendly. Now, it was like they both realized that and weren’t sure how to continue. There was too much bad stuff between them to just brush over it and move on, but Alex wasn’t really ready to do anything like apologize.

‘So…’

‘Yeah, uh, congrats on your first podium.’ Alex quickly followed up. ‘I’m gonna grab my gear, we should head to the hotel soon.’

‘Yeah, good call.’ Alex wasn’t sure how to end this conversation any further, so he just raised his hand in a completely awkward wave and walked off. When he turned the corner he stopped just to thump his head into the wall.

‘God dammit.’ He whispered before, straightening up and heading down the hallway.

Why did his life have to be so damn complicated?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sings* Why'd ya have to go and make everything so complicated?
> 
> Comments make me squeal with delight!


	6. Back in the day, we wanted everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Spanish GP comes around and some shit goes down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! A day late, but as I said last chapter I had a real busy weekend. It was fun though and this chapter is one I was really looking forward to. Thanks again for your continued support, it means a lot to me!
> 
> Another little bit of racing terminology for ya: Why do they call it pole position? (I actually didn't know this myself and I wanted to know) The term comes from horse racing, where the number one horse starts on the inside of the first row next to the inside pole. In car racing, a driver in pole position starts the race on the first row in the inside lane.

Spain was one of Alex’s favourite tracks. It was the track where he’d won his first ever race. The track where he’d really cemented himself as a valuable asset for Red Bull, where he’d proven he _was_ capable of doing well in Formula One. Also, Spain was always fun. The sun was almost always out, the party atmosphere was there from the moment they stepped foot in Barcelona.

In FP1, him and Guerin put up the two fastest lap times. Not that that said too much, but still, it was nice. The car felt better than it had so far and Alex felt _good_. He felt solid and centred and ready. But there was a undercurrent of nerves there too, something he felt deep down in his stomach. Guerin had actually set a faster lap time than Alex. There was that sense, somewhere in the back of his mind, that he was balancing on an edge. Right on the edge of doing something amazing versus doing something incredibly stupid.

The feeling didn’t pass as the weekend progressed. In fact, it got worse and Alex got quieter. After qualification, Alex wasn’t sure what to do with himself anymore.

Guerin got pole position. _Pole_ position. Alex qualified second but that didn’t matter. Guerin was faster. He seemed to float over the track in a way no one else did. Like he just _got _this track, understood it in a way Alex didn’t. It shouldn’t have been as big of a deal as it felt like. But this was supposed to be _his_ track, along with Austria, these were two tracks that had always suited him really well.

‘Nice driving.’ He managed as he ran into Guerin on the way to the cars. He was beaming.

‘Thanks. The car feels awesome this weekend!’ Guerin said cheerfully. ‘Two Red Bulls on the front row, just like they’re supposed to be.’

‘Yes, exactly.’ Alex had decided to make an effort not to take his own insecurity out on Guerin. Especially because he didn’t _want_ to seem insecure in front of Guerin.

‘Maybe I’ll get my first win in Spain too, just like you did.’ Guerin was still smiling, Alex forced himself to smile back.

‘Who knows.’

‘Any tips?’ Alex glanced at him, trying to determine if he was messing with him.

‘You’ve been faster all weekend, I think _I _should be the one asking for tips.’ Alex said.

‘I meant for starting from pole, but thanks.’ Guerin said with a grin. Alex rolled his eyes.

‘Make sure you don’t fuck up your start.’ Alex said, resisting the urge to bump his shoulder against Guerin’s, because that was a friend thing, Guerin was not his friend.

‘Wow, how insightful.’ Guerin said sarcastically, but without much bite.

‘I know, I’m a genius.’

‘And so humble too.’ Alex laughed softly.

They arrived at the cars, there was another one of those awkward silences. If they were friends, Alex would say they should share a car, but they weren’t.

‘I’ll see you tomorrow.’ Alex tried to sound decisive, like the air didn’t feel three times thicker than normal.

‘Yeah.’ Guerin agreed quickly. ‘Tomorrow.’

Alex didn’t sleep well. He woke up before dawn, banged his elbow into a doorframe, nearly blinded himself with the lights in the bathroom and then proceeded to nearly break his neck by tripping over his own suitcase. If this was an omen for his race, it was going to be a disaster. Luckily, it seemed like Guerin didn’t sleep well either. When Alex showed up at breakfast, two hours before he was technically supposed to be there, Guerin was up too.

He looked kind of awful. In that exhausted “oh God, why am I awake” kind of way. In the way that spoke of a body in desperate need for rest, but a mind that wouldn’t stop racing.

‘Morning.’ Alex mumbled, dropping himself on a seat opposite Guerin.

‘Morning.’ Guerin mumbled in reply. ‘Ready for today?’

‘Nope.’ Alex said, dropping his head in his hands, elbows on the table. When it stayed silent, he looked up. Guerin was looking at him strangely. ‘What?’

‘I dunno, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say that before.’ He said, and maybe Alex could read some of that confusion in his look, but there was something else there too. Alex didn’t have the mental strength right now to process that. ‘Sleep deprivation is a bitch right?’

‘Does it count as sleep deprivation if it’s just one bad night?’ Alex asked.

‘Sure, sleep deprivation can be either chronic or acute and can vary in severity.’ Guerin said. Alex narrowed his eyes at him.

‘It is way too early for you to sound like a Wikipedia page.’ Alex settled on saying. Guerin watched him for an agonizing second and then laughed, loudly. Alex felt himself smile.

‘Oh man.’ Guerin grinned, glancing into the cup he was holding. ‘Coffee?’ He asked Alex. ‘I’m getting a refill anyways.’

‘Oh, yeah, thanks.’ Alex said. Apparently, sleep deprivation made Alex nicer. Who knew. Guerin made his way over to the coffee machine. Alex fished his phone from his pocket as he felt it buzz.

7:16 am: Kyle Valenti: _Dude, are you up already?_

Alex frowned at his screen. It was unusual for Kyle to be up before nine, even on race days.

_Yeah, I’m down in the dinner hall._ Alex answered. _Since when do you get up so early?_

Kyle Valenti: _Didn’t sleep all that good_

_Welcome to the club. You’re the third member._

Kyle Valenti: _THIRD?! Who beat me? Is it Maria? It’s Maria, isn’t it?_

_Nope. Guerin. _His phone stayed quiet for a long moment.

_I’ll meet you downstairs. _

That was weird.

‘Who’s on the other side of that?’ Guerin asked as he set a coffee cup near Alex. ‘Girlfriend?’ Alex blinked stupidly at him.

‘What? _No. _Just Kyle.’ Alex waved at his phone vaguely. ‘Who has time for a personal life, man?’

‘Shouldn’t we make time?’

‘Do you have a girlfriend?’ Alex asked with a single raised eyebrow. Guerin made a face.

‘Well, no-‘

‘Exactly.’

‘How is it possible that neither of us have lives outside of this?’ Guerin asked with a confused tilt to his head. ‘We technically only work on weekends.’ Alex thought about that for a second.

‘Well, we’re also in a different country every week. Plus, we love racing more than some people love their spouse, so… I guess we’ve kind of fucked ourselves over.’ Alex said, he saw Kyle enter the room with a confused look on his face. He raised his hand to wave at him. Kyle raised his eyebrows as if to say “what exactly is going on?”, Alex ignored him. Guerin looked over his shoulder.

‘Ah, so that’s who was on the other side of those texts.’ Alex rolled his eyes.

‘Morning guys.’ Kyle pulled back a chair and sat down. He immediately reached over and took Alex’s coffee cup.

‘Uh, excuse me?’ Alex said, reaching over to swat at Kyle. ‘Give me that.’

‘Nah-uh.’ Kyle held the cup out of Alex’s reach.

‘_Kyle_.’ Alex whined. ‘I barely slept, I need that.’

‘It’s impressive how you can turn from a twenty year old professional race car driver into a five year old.’ Guerin commented from the other side of the table. Alex threw him a look.

‘He plays the little brother card whenever he can.’ Kyle said, smirking at Alex. Traitor.

‘You two aren’t _actually_ brothers though, right?’ Guerin looked like he knew that they weren’t, but also like he’d seen them interact enough to know they sure as hell acted like brothers.

‘Nah, our dads have known each other for a long time though. We’ve known each other since we were tiny, so we did kind of grow up like brothers.’ Kyle said with a casual shrug, he did hand Alex the cup back. Victory.

‘Ah okay.’ Guerin took another long sip of his coffee. ‘So you’ve been friends for as long as you can remember.’

‘Yeah, pretty much.’ Alex agreed.

‘Yeah, I was there for it all. His first win in karts, that time he fell off a swing and broke his arm, his emo phase- Ow!’ Alex had punched him in the arm with a sharp, practiced move.

‘There’s no need to share all that stuff.’ Alex said sharply before taking a sip from his coffee.

‘Oh no, _please_, share.’ Guerin said with a devilish grin.

‘No Kyle, _don’t_.’ Alex said with a steady look at his best friend.

‘Ah, guys, you’re kind of putting me in a hard spot here. I want to embarrass Alex, because that’s what I live for, but I also know that he’s got shit on me, so….I’m gonna have to pass.’ Alex smiled triumphantly.

‘Coward.’ Guerin coughed. It made Alex laugh. Kyle gave him another funny look. Alex made a face back: “what?”. ‘Are you two just communicating through eyebrows now?’

‘Yeah. We’re telepathic.’ Kyle said casually.

‘Great.’ Guerin deadpanned. ‘Well, I’m going to see if I can nap for an hour before we have to leave.’ Guerin said, pushing himself to his feet and heading out of the room with a wave. Kyle waited until Guerin had fully left the room before asking.

‘So, what was up with that?’

‘What was up with what?’ Alex asked.

‘You’re suddenly all buddy-buddy with Michael?’ Kyle asked, sneaking a sip from Alex’s coffee. Alex sighed.

‘I don’t know, K. I’m sleep deprived, you start acting loopy when you’re sleep deprived, right?’

‘You can’t be _that _sleep deprived. I think it’s more like, you two would totally be friends, if you just let yourself.’ Kyle said.

‘It’s way too early for your philosophical bullshit.’ Alex waved him away. ‘Why don’t you go get us some breakfast.’ He grinned. He wasn’t about to say that he actually agreed with Kyle. Being tired like this, not yet influenced by the adrenaline of a race, his inhibitions were down. Kyle rolled his eyes, but got up and headed over to the food. He was totally going to get Alex oatmeal in retaliation. Alex hated oatmeal, but apparently it was “good for him”.

Starting on the first row was always a little strange, especially if you were used to starting on the second and third row. The empty track stretching out in front of you, all that asphalt was so inviting. With the sun beating down on it like this, it was like it was begging to be raced on. The lights went out, Alex hit the gas. Him and Guerin were off almost at the same time, Alex slightly ahead, but by the first turn, Alex had to yield and slow his car. Guerin had the inside line, the advantage of starting from pole, and they did not fit through that corner side by side.

By the updates the garage kept giving him, he knew him and Guerin were pulling away from the rest. One of the Mercedes had crashed on the first lap and one of the Ferraris was having power problems. They were set for a 1-2 finish.

However.

Alex was still in second.

For the first twenty laps, that had been the way it had to be. Guerin was doing his thing, and Alex couldn’t quite get close enough to make a move. He was keeping up though. But, after their first pitstop, on fresh tires, Alex felt like the car was three times faster. He was flying, eating up the asphalt between him and Guerin. He caught up with him in less than a lap. He was faster right now, but it wouldn’t last, his tires would also lose that fresh edge they gave him, if he didn’t make a move soon, he wouldn’t get to make one at all.

So, Alex started pushing. Prodding. Making Guerin defend. Poking for a weak spot. He pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed, and his radio stayed quiet. Good.

Finally he got his chance, they were going max speed on the finishing straight, at the end of lap 22 and there was a gap on the inside. It was there. He would bet his yearly salary on it. It was there, and then it wasn’t. The gap was gone, his right side wheels were on the curb and then in the grass and he was spinning. He hit something, spun the other way and his wheels hit gravel. He came to an immediate stop when the car hit the barrier. Alex sat there for a second, blinking at the smoking front of his car.

What. The. Fuck.

When he looked outside of the car, trying to determine if he was in a safe location he noticed there was a second car on the gravel. The other Red Bull. He and Guerin had both crashed. His hands were shaking as he did a quick check of himself. Legs, good. Arms, good. Torso, good. Head, fine. He killed the engine and started to wrangle himself from his seatbelt and then the car as the stewards started to approach them. From the corner of his eye, he could see Guerin do the same.

Suddenly, Alex felt furious. Heat rushed up to his face. His hands were still shaking. He felt light-headed and so, so angry. What the fuck was that. There had been space. Guerin had hit him.

‘What the _fuck_ was that!’ Alex yelled, pointing viscously at the mangled wrecks of their cars.

‘It was my fucking line!’ Guerin yelled back. Alex felt his face do something disbelieving.

‘How fucking oblivious are you? There was space! _You_ ran into _me_!’ The stewards were trying to talk to them, get them off the track, but all Alex could see was Guerin’s stupid narrowed eyes behind his visor and his car in a wrangled mess.

‘I just defended!’ Guerin yelled back. ‘I was in the lead, _you_ screwed us. You just couldn’t handle it, could you? The thought of me beating you? You figured it was better not to finish at all than finish _behind_ _me_?’

‘That is such fucking bullshit.’ Alex snapped. ‘You think I would intentionally crash my car? You don’t know what the-‘

‘_Hey!_’ One of the stewards yelled. ‘Enough. Go fight more about this off the track.’ The man said, his English was good and he looked seriously pissed. Alex threw one last scathing look at Guerin, he hoped the effect carried through his visor, and started to follow the man.

Un-fucking-believable. This asshole had the guts to accuse Alex of _intentionally_ crashing both cars, just because he couldn’t handle finishing second? Alex wasn’t the best loser, but he wasn’t _that_ bad. He knew there were camera’s on him, so he kept his helmet on. Alex was fuming by the time they were escorted into the driver’s lounge. They were told to wait there for both the head-steward and their team boss. Alex finally took off his helmet and set it own on a table. Alex felt too keyed up to sit down, so he just stood on the opposite side of the room, arms crossed over his chest, trying to remember to breathe. The silence was loaded and heavy as they waited.

The first man into the room was one of the stewards, he had a briefcase with him, he’d probably be determining who was at fault. Not that it mattered, they were both DNF’s anyways.

‘Gentlemen.’ The steward greeted them. ‘Quite a mess you’ve made.’ Alex clenched his jaw. Making a snappy comment now, wouldn’t benefit anyone. The room fell back into silence as the man started to pull a laptop from the bag and started to attach it to the beamer in the room.

Alex kept his arms crossed over his chest, he knew his hands were still shaking, and he could already feel the ache in his shoulders where his seatbelt had held him during the impact. When mister Valenti entered the room, Alex felt a little sick, he looked angry. More angry than Alex had ever seen him. He was followed into the room by Isobel and, thank God, Maria.

‘Are you two okay?’ Maria asked. Isobel looked a little uncertain about how to handle the situation, but Maria just barrelled right through the tension.

‘I’m fine.’ Alex said, his voice sounded wrecked. He cleared his throat.

‘I’m fine.’ Guerin said, more to Isobel than to Maria. Maria came to stand next to him, setting her hand on his arm for a second. The warmth of her touch was somewhat reassuring, but not enough to settle Alex completely. Mister Valenti went to shake the steward’s hand.

‘You start off, I will deal with them after.’ There was a promise in that that made Alex shiver. Maria noticed, of course she did, but to Alex’s surprise, Guerin’s eyes also flickered to him.

‘Alright gentlemen. The footage of your crash. Feel free to take a seat.’ The steward started, but neither of them moved.

Alex mostly tuned the man out. He watched the footage with his jaw clenched so tight he was almost afraid of cracking a tooth. The crash was shown from all available angles and looking at it, he honestly couldn’t tell who’s fault the crash was. There _was_ space, Alex was right, but also, Guerin moved to close the space while Alex was still behind him. It seemed like they’d moved at the same time, or at least, close enough that there was no way to tell who hit who. Was the crash caused by Alex going for a gap that was already closing? Or did Guerin try to close a gap Alex was already in?

‘- so my conclusion is, that this was a racing accident.’ Holy fucking hell, did that really need to take ten minutes to figure out? ‘We would not penalize either of you, but I suppose it is not necessary anyways, you punished yourselves and your team enough on your own.’

‘Thank you for your input.’ Isobel said sharply. She clearly appreciated that comment about as much as Alex did.

‘Yes. Thank you so much.’ Maria added, in her most blank tone. Mister Valenti sighed.

‘Thank you, I’ll take it from here.’ He said to the steward, shaking his hand.

‘Good luck.’ The steward said before letting himself out of the room. When the door closed behind him, Alex would swear someone dropped a stone in his stomach. Mister Valenti stayed quiet for a second.

‘You just turned _two_ _ten million dollar _cars into _scrap metal_.’ Mister Valenti said, clearly trying to keep his temper under control. Alex swallowed. ‘I told you that I was trusting you. Both of you. And what has that trust gotten me? Two DNF’s during a race that could have been an easy 1-2 finish.’

‘I’m sorry.’ Guerin said.

‘Don’t apologize to me, apologize to the guys who spend months putting these cars together only for you to destroy them because you couldn’t get over your ego.’ The only thing that felt like it was keeping Alex from either crying or throwing up, was that all this was clearly aimed at both of them. Not just him. ‘Also, apologize because none of them will be able to go see their wives or kids because they need to reassemble two Formula One cars in a week.’

‘Was the damage that bad?’ Maria asked, sounding stoic as always. Even though Alex could feel her press closer to him.

‘Manes’ car is worse than Guerin’s because he also hit the barrier, but yes, there is serious damage to both cars.’ That stung. Mister Valenti never called him _Manes_.

‘It won’t happen again.’ Alex said, cursing the quiver in his voice.

‘No, it won’t. Starting in Monaco, I am back in charge. You will do what I say, when I say it and if you don’t, I swear to God I will demote you.’ Mister Valenti took a deep breath. ‘The only reason I’m not sending both of you down right now is because the race before the _incident_ was great, and there’s no one person to blame here. You both fucked up. Learn from this. I will see you in Monaco on Thursday.’ He started towards the door. ‘Now, the ladies and I are going to leave and you two will stay here and figure out whatever it is you need to figure out. Once you leave this room, this incident will be over and done with. Understood?’ Alex nodded and he assumed Guerin did too. Mister Valenti held the door open, Isobel said something Alex didn’t catch to Guerin before she left the room. Maria squeezed his arm.

‘Take a breath.’ She said simply before heading out as well. Alex did as she told him to. The door falling shut sounded like the door of a jailcell closing. Alex really wasn’t sure where to start.

‘I’m sorry.’ He didn’t even really mean to say that, or maybe he did, but he wasn’t aware he was going to say it until he did. ‘I’m sorry for today, I’m sorry for being such a dick, I’m sorry for not trying to make you feel welcome here-‘ He stopped. ‘I’m not sure what else I’m sorry for, but I’m sure there’s more.’ Guerin actually laughed a little at that.

‘I’m sorry too, for today, for being such a dick to you on that first day of testing and for bringing up your dad. I’m sure there’s more, but I don’t really remember.’ That made Alex smile.

‘So this was a giant mess, huh?’ Alex asked.

‘Yeah. My first crash in F1 sure as hell is a memorable one.’ Guerin seemed to let something go, his shoulders dropped and he breathed out like he’d been holding his breath for a while. Alex uncrossed his arms and ran a hand through his hair.

‘Well, at least no one got hurt.’ Alex tried.

‘Small mercies.’ Guerin smiled.

‘We should actually apologize to the crew.’ Alex flinched. He probably felt more guilty about that part than anything else.

‘Yeah,’ Guerin flinched as well. ‘maybe we can buy them lunch sometime this week from that really expensive place near the factory?’

‘That’s not a bad idea actually.’ Alex said. ‘It’d be damn expensive to get lunch for everyone, but I suppose we kind of deserve it.’

‘Yeah exactly, we could just split the bill.’ Guerin shrugged.

‘Okay, yeah, we should do that.’ Alex agreed. That seemed to have them run out of conversation. After a pause that was bordering on painful, Alex continued. ‘Should we just… attempt to be friendly with each other? Like, just move past these last months and start over?’ Guerin studied him for a moment. He pushed himself off the wall, for a second Alex thought he was just going to walk out of the door, that Alex had pushed too far. He didn’t leave. He did, however, approach Alex.

‘Hi, I’m Michael Guerin.’ He held a hand out to Alex. Alex tried not to smile.

‘Hi, I’m Alex Manes. Nice to meet you.’ He took Guerin’s hand and shook it.

‘Nice to meet you too.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at our boys! Finally making friends. Let's see if they can keep this up!  
Next up, Monaco, a race that I feel is always chaos, so it should be fun!
> 
> Comments make me squeal with delight!


	7. Stay up on that rise, and never come down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monaco comes around, and Alex learns why they call it mocktails.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I'm not sure if I love or hate this chapter, either way, here it is.  
From this chapter forward, Alex is really going to make an effort to be friendly towards Michael. But, it's going to take him a little while to figure out how utterly screwed he is. And of course, once Michael threatens Alex's position again, or the other way around, some old bad behaviours may rear their ugly heads.
> 
> Oh and also, shout out to ThatOne, who called that the crash in the last chapter was loosely based off the race in Spain in 2016!

Monaco was a race that always cost Alex much more energy than necessary. It was all about seeing and being seen. It was a race surrounded by glitz and glamour and yachts and expensive-ass clothing. Alex felt out of place. He was just a kid from an alien obsessed town in New Mexico. A kid that just happened to be good at driving a very fast car around in circles.

Him and Guerin had apologized to the crew. It had been painful and Alex felt like his cheeks were never going to stop burning, but the mechanics seemed to have forgiven them, especially after he and Guerin fed them. Mister Valenti still didn’t seem all that happy with them, but Alex was hellbent on proving that this mess in Spain was a one time thing.

‘Dear God, is it always like this?’ Guerin asked as Jenna lead them, Maria and Isobel towards their filming area for the day. It was glamorous chaos.

‘Pretty much.’ Alex shrugged. ‘You don’t really get used to it, at all.’

‘Well that’s reassuring.’ Guerin mumbled as he moved around a lady wearing shoes worth more than Alex would probably spend on clothes in his entire life.

‘I like to think it’s a good thing.’ Guerin looked at him questioningly. ‘As long as I don’t feel like I fit in here, I’m still me, I guess.’

‘So not a spoiled, rich, brat?’ Guerin offered, looking at a group of twenty something year old guys lounging on a giant, shiny yacht in the harbour. They were all tanned, had perfectly quaffed hair, groomed to perfection. They also looked bored as all hell. They had a server on the boat with them, bringing them champagne, at ten in the morning.

‘Sure. I kind of like having at least one foot firmly on the ground.’

‘You’re a lot of things, Alex Manes, but I wouldn’t say you’re spoiled.’ Alex wasn’t sure that was a compliment, or if it was entirely true. He wasn’t spoiled in _that_ way. In the way of yachts and Rolexes and Jaguars. His contract with Red Bull would probably support that, but he didn’t want it. But, was he not spoiled at all? He’d definitely been given opportunities others wouldn’t get.

‘Alright boys. Today is the day we show the fans you two don’t hate each other after last week. So, I hope you guys are ready to be ultra-friendly today.’ Jenna said, setting her hands on her hips as they arrived at the set. It looked like some sort of bar.

‘On it.’ Alex assured her. She had been doing nothing but damage control with the media for the last week and when Alex had asked her how she was, she’d given him a look so cold Alex had almost shivered.

‘Yeah, we’ve got this.’ Guerin added, giving her a thumbs up. Jenna narrowed her eyes at them.

‘Okay, stand behind the bar.’ She sounded suspicious. They did as they were told. There were a ton of ingredients on the shiny black surface, but weirdly enough, no alcohol.

‘Rolling.’ One of the camera men said.

‘Alright. Today, we are making mocktails!’ Jenna said in her happy “oh hey we’re doing a video” voice. ‘You two will be coming up with your own recipes today, you can use all ingredients in front of you, try to think about colour and taste. You have fifteen minutes, go!’

Alex blinked at the stuff in front of him. Oh no. Alex was a lot of things, but he was not culinary inclined, if that was even a thing. This wasn’t going to go well.

‘You look a little lost there.’ Guerin said from over at his station. Now Alex understood why there was a black divider between the two stations, it was so they couldn’t cheat. Guerin was already working on some sort of fruit.

‘Uh yeah, I’m not good at this stuff.’ Alex said, just breathe, it’s all for fun. Friendly. Alex picked up a fruit he recognized, banana.

‘You can’t cook?’

‘Does this count as cooking?’ Alex asked. He picked up a bottle of something clear.

‘Uh, not sure, it’s in the same sphere though.’ Alex smelled the content of the bottle. It smelled like Sprite.

‘Well, I’m decent at making eggs, but dinner and stuff? Nope.’ Alex admitted. He set the bottle aside and started by putting ice in the glass, that seemed like a good start.

‘Well, I suck at breakfast food, but I can cook a mean dinner.’ Guerin said, putting something else in his drink. How the hell was he doing that?

‘Huh, together we can almost survive.’ Alex shrugged and Guerin laughed.

‘Hey Alex.’ Alex’s hands did not stutter when Guerin used his first name.

‘Yeah.’ He said while pouring some Sprite in his glass. He was just going to wing it.

‘Do you know why they call it _mock_tails and not _cock_tails?’ Guerin asked, Alex added some weird blue looking stuff to his drink, at least it looked pretty.

‘Because they’re a mock-‘

‘Because,’ Guerin interrupted him. ‘Without alcohol, there’s no cock.’ He said with a grin that made him look about twelve. Alex could feel the laugh bubble up from his stomach. Suddenly, he was laughing. Really laughing.

‘Oh my god.’ He hiccupped. ‘That was terrible.’ He felt another wave of laughter bubbling up. ‘She can’t use that.’ He giggled, motioning at Jenna. She looked like she was trying very hard to look disapproving, but she wasn’t quite getting there.

‘This is the advantage of having a young teammate, they laugh at stupid jokes like that.’ Guerin grinned. Alex found himself still letting out the occasional snicker as he attempted to finish his drink. He had no idea what was in it at this point, but who really cared? He wasn’t sure why that joke had gotten him so bad. Maybe it was just the silly nature of the whole situation. He was in Monaco, surrounded by wealth and glamour and he was standing behind an improvised bar wearing team branded gear, with a sticky substance on his hands making a drink that was probably going to be horrible. And Guerin made a dick joke. He supposed he wasn’t adult enough to handle that.

‘Okay, one minute left.’ Jenna warned them. Alex looked at his creation. It didn’t _look_ bad, the blue was nice, and he’d managed to get some purple in there too, but Alex really wasn’t sure how it was going to taste, but he also wasn’t sure how to make it better. So he figured he was done. He must have looked at it funny because Guerin laughed.

‘What?’ Alex asked.

‘You’re looking at it like it’s going to try and kill you.’

‘Who knows, man. Maybe it will.’ Alex shrugged.

‘Well, you are going to have to taste each other’s drinks, so…’ Jenna said, Alex’s eyes widened.

‘Oh.’

‘Are you just trying to thin out the competition?’ Guerin asked, faux-horrified.

‘Um. No?’ Alex said.

‘Why did that sound like a question?’

‘Okay.’ Jenna interrupted before Alex could respond. ‘Time for the taste test.’

‘I’m so excited.’ Guerin said, sounding the complete opposite.

‘And he just can’t hide it.’ Alex continued. Guerin barked out a laugh that had Alex smirk triumphantly. They could totally do this, be friendly.

‘Remove the divider please.’ Jenna said and Alex carefully removed the black board.

Ah hell, Guerin’s drink looked fucking good. It was yellow and orange with some pink mixed in between, it had two colour coordinated straws in it and he’d even added a slice of orange as a decoration. Alex looked down at his own weird blue/purple-ish concoction.

‘Alright, how about we taste yours first.’ Alex suggested.

‘Yeah, that sounds good, I would actually not mind if this was my last drink before I died.’ Guerin said. Alex rolled his eyes.

‘You are _so_ dramatic.’

‘You’re the one saying you’re not sure if this will try to kill us!’

‘Boys.’ Jenna said blankly from behind the camera. ‘Enough stalling.’ She made a motion with her hand for them to get on with it.

‘Fine.’ Alex grabbed the glass and brought it up to his nose to smell it. It smelled like summer. He closed his lips around the straw and took a tentative sip. Well shit. He had to fight not to moan. It smelled like summer and it also tasted like summer. ‘Is there fucking pineapple in this?’

‘Alex.’ Jenna snapped. Oh, right, no cursing.

‘There’s pineapple in this, right?’ Alex asked, Guerin nodded looking very pleased with himself. ‘This is _good._’

‘Thanks, now let me try.’ Guerin made grabby hands at the drink so Alex handed it over. Guerin took a sip as well. ‘Ah yes, now _that_ is good.’ Guerin hummed happily. ‘This makes me want to try your monstrosity even less.’

‘Hey! It’s not a monstrosity! It’s just… special.’ Alex picked up his glass and stroked it like it was a spooked animal. He grabbed a straw stuck it in the drink with conviction and then took a sip.

It wasn’t…as horrible as he thought it was going to be. It was alright. The flavours didn’t really match and it wasn’t liquified joy, but it wasn’t _bad_

‘Well. Do I call an ambulance?’ Guerin asked, he was looking at Alex like he expected him to keel over any second now.

‘It’s not bad, actually. I mean, it’s not great, but it’s not horrible.’ Alex shrugged and handed the glass over to Guerin. ‘Yours is definitely better though.’ Alex said, quickly grabbing Guerin’s glass to take another sip of that one.

‘Hey!’ Guerin pointed at him sharply. ‘I want that back.’

‘Yeah, yeah, just taste it.’ Alex waved him off. Guerin looked up at the heavens as if to ask for strength, dick, but then finally tasted Alex’s concoction. He made a face like he was waiting for the hammer to fall.

It didn’t seem to come.

‘Alright, yeah. Okay. It’s not bad.’

‘I told you.’ Alex said.

‘I win though.’ Guerin grinned sharply at him. ‘Say it.’ Alex narrowed his eyes at him.

‘You win. Yay.’ He said as blankly as possible. He had a reputation to uphold after all.

‘Hey Jen, that’s on video right? Can you send me the clip?’ Guerin grinned at Jenna.

‘Okay cowboy, don’t push it.’ Alex said. Guerin blinked at the nickname, but he didn’t seem to mind all that much. 

‘Alright, so it’s decided: Michael wins unanimously.’ Jenna said and Guerin took a bow. Show off.

‘Hey Alex!’ Alex turned at the sound of his name.

‘Maria.’ He smiled, giving her a quick hug as she caught up with him.

‘Hey, so I was thinking, we should get dinner. I bet you haven’t eaten yet and I’m _dying _to go back to that place we went last year.’ She started, setting her hand on his arm and leading him towards the Red Bull garage. It was around dinner time on Thursday (because Monaco did FP1 and 2 on Thursday’s) and Alex had finished FP2 hours ago, he’d just had shit to do, people to hang out with, camera’s to avoid.

‘Oh, yeah sure.’ Alex agreed. They had discovered this tiny little restaurant last year during the GP weekend. The owner had been a Monegasque man in his late fifties, he’d only spoken French and not a lick of English (luckily Alex had learned a little French over the years) and the food had been incredible.

‘Great, we should go find Kyle.’

It wasn’t hard to find Kyle. He was in the garage talking to Guerin. Clearly Alex wasn’t the only one working late.

‘Kyle!’ Maria cut him off mid-sentence. ‘Enough milling around, we’re getting dinner.’ Guerin’s eyes flickered from Kyle to Maria to Alex and then towards the exit.

‘Oh that’s a good idea.’ Kyle set a hand against his stomach. ‘I didn’t realize how fucking hungry I was.’

‘We’re going to that place we found last year. I’ve already called for a car, so get your shit.’ She made a shooing motion at him. ‘You too, grasshopper.’ She lightly pushed Alex off, but he wasn’t really paying attention. Guerin looked like he was slowly trying to disappear into the background. Like he was trying to avoid the uncomfortable situation they were barrelling towards.

‘Hey Guerin, have you ever been out for dinner in Monaco before?’ Alex said before he could change his mind. Guerin blinked at him.

‘No.’

‘It’s an experience.’ Alex said, begging his voice not to show his nerves. ‘You should join us.’ Both Maria and Kyle had gone eerily quiet. God, those two couldn’t fake normalcy to save their lives. Guerin looked suspicious for a second, and Alex supposed he deserved that. One good filming day wasn’t going to erase months of hostility.

‘Alright.’ Guerin agreed, doing a good job at faking casual. ‘Can I bring Isobel? She’s been nagging at me to go out more, if I bring her she’ll get off my back for a few weeks.’

‘Of course.’ Alex agreed easily. Even if that was a lie, he understood Guerin’s desire to have a buffer there, in case things didn’t go well.

‘You can’t wear anything team branded though, that’s a rule.’ Maria said, pointing her finger at all three guys. ‘And nothing with holes in it either.’

‘What about holes for my limbs and head?’ Alex asked, feigning innocence. Maria looked at him with narrowed eyes. Guerin, however, laughed.

‘Smart ass.’ Maria said, but it carried little heat, so Alex wasn’t worried about her elbows, yet.

‘I think I might have some black jeans in my suitcase somewhere.’ Guerin mused.

‘Alright, chop, chop. The car will be here in fifteen.’ Maria clapped her hands like a Quarterback breaking a huddle. ‘Meet me at the car.’ She ordered before marching off.

‘She’s kind of scary.’ Guerin commented as he watched her walk away.

‘Tell me about it.’ Alex said, making brief eye-contact with his teammate before coughing awkwardly. ‘Alright, we should go get changed, Maria _will _leave us behind.’

Things were… not as awkward as Alex was expecting them to be. Isobel regarded them all with a cool look, but yet again, he supposed they deserved it. As it turned out, once they got over the initial speed bumps, him and Guerin actually got along fairly well. They had both loved beta subjects in high school, they both played guitar and of course, their joined love of racing.

‘No, I’ve never been in an Aston Martin.’ Guerin said with a wistful look on his face.

‘O man, when you get the chance… that’s going to change your life.’ Alex assured him.

‘So dramatic.’ Maria commented in a low tone across the table. Isobel snickered.

‘Boys and their cars.’

‘When did you drive one?’ Guerin asked, taking another sip of his water. Neither of them were drinking. When you needed to drive a car at 300 km/h, putting alcohol in your system was always a bad idea. Even if there was still more than 24 hours until qualifying.

‘Last year at Silverstone. Aston Martin is one of our sponsors, right, so they let us do a lap in the brand new model.’ Alex grinned at the memory, that car had been a dream to drive.

‘Shit man, that’s awesome.’ Guerin looked wistful and Alex felt a pang of something in his chest.

‘Hey, I bet they’ll have another car for us this year.’ Alex tried to reassure him. ‘We’ve done something like that at Silverstone every year since I joined, but my first year I didn’t have my driver’s license and my second year Long wouldn’t let me drive.’

‘Ugh, _Long_.’ Oh yeah, that was another thing they had in common. They both couldn’t stand Wyatt Long. ‘I don’t understand how you managed to go three years with that guy as a teammate without punching him in the nose.’

‘It was a constant struggle.’

‘I bet. I spend five minutes in an elevator with him the other day and I already wanted to hit the emergency button, just so I could get the hell out of there.’

‘Oh man, yeah you don’t want to go on elevators with him. It’s like he just exudes “asshole” into the air or something.’

‘It’s almost impressive.’

‘Almost.’ Guerin got quiet for a second.

‘I have a question.’ He said, looking more nervous than he had since they’d started talking. ‘Is it weird that I’m more nervous for qualifying than the actual race?’ Alex took a beat before he answered. This wasn’t something to make a joke over.

‘Nah, Monaco is kind of decided in qualifying. You can move a few places up or down if you have a good strategy, but there’s so little room to overtake, a good starting position is vital.’ Alex said, he glanced at Guerin, he looked more nervous now. ‘To be honest, I don’t really enjoy driving Monaco.’

‘Really?’ Guerin asked, surprise winning out over his nerves. ‘It’s supposed to be like F1 heaven, right?’

‘It’s tight, there’s walls everywhere, it’s always chaos and you can barely overtake.’ Alex summed up with a shrug. ‘It’s fun, but you get so busy fighting your car and the track, that you forget to fight the other drivers.’

‘So it’s not so much a race against others as it is a race against yourself and the track?’

‘Yeah, it’s all about skill, and I can appreciate that, but I also like winning.’ Guerin grinned at that. ‘And it’s 78 laps, which, when you can’t do much overtaking, actually gets boring after a while.’

‘Well, sounds like I’ll just have start from pole.’ Alex snorted.

‘Sure, but you also don’t want to push too hard and crash in qualifying, because then you’re fucked.’ Alex said, leaning back in his chair.

‘You’re just trying to make sure I take it easy, so that I’m not a threat to you.’ Guerin said, but there was a sparkle in his eyes that made Alex take a breath before replying.

‘Whatever it takes, right?’ He said with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Progress!  
The "It's called a mocktail because without alcohol there's no cock" is a rewrite of an actual thing a Red Bull driver (Ricciardo) said at some point, it was too funny for me not to include some version of it.  
Next up, Canada! Where a certain curly haired boy's brother will show up. 
> 
> Comments make me squeal with delight!


	8. Mama said, burn your biographies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The race in Monaco, and the boys head over to Canada where Wyatt Long proves to be a dick in every universe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're making progress! I've been watching so many F1 vids as research my entire recommended section on YouTube is now F1 vids. Oops. I'm still having a great time with this though! Thank you so much for your support.   
I am skipping a few GP's here and there, the F1 season is looooong and I don't want to write a chapter where nothing happens, just because there's supposed to be a GP there. I'm gonna do most of them though. This is the first time I'm splitting a weekend too (the lead up in the last and the race here), let me know how you feel about it!

‘_Don’t push it too hard Alex_.’ The voice of mister Valenti sounded over the radio. ‘_The guys in first and second are too far ahead. Just drive it out steady, get the points.’ _Alex clenched his jaw. He knew he was right, the Mercedes and Ferrari in front of him were over ten seconds ahead, and it wasn’t like he would be able to overtake them anyways. There would be no more pitstops, so he was pretty much stuck in third. But the racer in him wanted to push it anyways.

‘Yeah, I got it.’ Alex replied. He knew Guerin had managed to slip past the Ferrari behind Alex, so he was in fourth now.

He’d been right. He was on lap 70 and he was bored. The track itself was still intense and he needed his full concentration to make sure he didn’t clip a barrier somewhere, but the part Alex loved the most about racing was the battles, the overtaking. Searching for an opportunity and the gratification of finding space and taking advantage of it. He was the guy who was told he couldn’t overtake on Blanchimont in Belgium and then did it anyways, just to prove he could. But right now he was the guy trying to prove a point. The point that he had self-control.

He could see glimpses of Guerin in his rear-view mirrors, he was probably a second or three behind him. If this were any other track, Alex would be gearing up for a battle. Getting himself ready to defend his podium spot, but he knew that wouldn’t be the case today. Red Bull wouldn’t allow them to battle, especially not in Monaco.

He was pretty much ready to just drive the race to completion like that. However, when he was nearing turn 8, he suddenly saw a double yellow flag being waved. He immediately took his foot off the gas. Portier, the corner he was approaching didn’t really allow him to see what was coming next, so caution was necessary.

‘_The Mercedes just crashed. Careful._’ Mister Valenti said over the radio just as Alex turned the corner and had to swerve inside to avoid debris from where the Mercedes had clipped the wall and broken it’s suspension.

‘Shit, there’s debris all over the place. Give Guerin a heads up.’ Alex said quickly as he sped away from the scene. He really hoped they weren’t going to stop the race. Safety car maybe? That was another problem with Monaco, when someone crashed (and it happened at least once, every year) they had to bring out the safety car to hold the drivers as they removed the stricken vehicle.

‘_He got through it alright, thanks Alex._’ Mister Valenti actually sounded a little impressed. Alex tried not to let that get to him. He could be nice, that shouldn’t warrant that tone… ‘_Safety car is coming out. Same strategy, steady to the chequered flag._’

‘Copy.’ Red Bull at two and three, that was better. If the Ferrari ahead could just… maybe he could… no. No, he was going to be good and listen to the team orders. Finishing second when the one Mercedes was a DNF and the other was back in sixth or something was really good for Alex’s position in the championship, especially after Spain.

The safety car did what the safety car does. Be annoying and slow them down to the point where he needed to keep bobbing and swerving to keep his tires warm. Luckily, the Mercedes was removed quickly and they didn’t need to be behind it for very long. The safety car had allowed the field to get squeezed together again, which was not helpful at all. Especially when Alex could catch glimpses of Guerin actually having to defend against the guy in fourth. What an idiot. The Renault in fourth, not Guerin.

‘_Alright Alex, two more laps._’ Mister Valenti said, Alex could hear some tension in his voice. Alex’s best guess would be that it was from whatever was happening with Guerin. ‘_How are the tires looking?_’ Mister Valenti asked.

‘Good enough.’ Alex replied, steering into the hairpin. It was the slowest corner of the year and it never failed to throw Alex off a little.

He finished second without any issues. Guerin kept his third place fairly easily. A double podium for Red Bull. After the chequered flag, Alex slowed down and the other Red Bull pulled up next to him. Alex glanced sideways and gave Guerin a thumbs up. Guerin repeated the gesture. They parked their cars on either side of the Ferrari in first. Alex removed the wheel, unbuckled and hopped from the car. He left the wheel on his seat and hesitated, normally he’d dive right into the cluster of Red Bull mechanics that was already waiting for him with outstretched arms, but Guerin had also just hopped from his car.

Alex made his decision. He patted the Ferrari driver on the back quickly and then headed over to his teammate.

‘Nice driving. Was that dickbag really trying to pass you in those last two laps?’ Alex asked, holding out his hand for Guerin.

‘Yeah, your old buddy was having some thoughts of grandeur I guess.’ He clasped his hand with Alex’s and he pulled Alex into one of those bro-hugs.

‘Ugh, it was Long? I should have known.’ Alex made a face behind his helmet. Guerin laughed. ‘Well, then it’s even better that you kept him behind you.’ Alex said as he started to head towards the mechanics. ‘Come on slowpoke, this is the best part.’ Alex grinned over his shoulder before closing the last bit of distance between him and the team in a jog. He made sure to throw himself towards the mechanics on the left, leaving room for Guerin on his right.

Sure enough, seconds later he heard another cheer go up from the team as Guerin was engulfed by the guys as well. The delighted laugh Guerin let out was a sound Alex could get used to. Wait. What?

The lead up to the podium was always a bit of a blur, which was good, because it meant his adrenaline was still high. He found he always looked a little manic on podium pictures, but whatever, better than shaking like a leaf.

Alex was currently sat on the floor, champagne bottle in one hand, his silver trophy in the other. The only reason he was still holding on to the bottle was because he didn’t feel like seeing his hands shake. The champagne was still awful, even in Monaco. There was some noise as someone entered the room Alex was hiding in. It was Kyle, of course he knew where to find him.

‘Hey buddy. You good?’

‘Yeah, I just need a second.’ Alex said. He held the bottle out to Kyle. He made a face, but took the giant thing and took a sip.

‘Ugh, still gross.’

‘Don’t I know it.’ Alex laughed. ‘I can’t believe Maria actually likes this stuff.’ He accepted the bottle back from Kyle, ignoring his shaking fingers.

‘Congrats.’ Kyle said, kicking at one of Alex’s feet. ‘You’re really keeping yourself in the running for the championship.’

‘With a little help from the Monaco walls.’ Alex shrugged. ‘Did you see Guerin yet?’ Kyle made that face again. The one he’d made when Alex invited Guerin along for dinner.

‘You know you don’t have to pretend to care around me, right?’ Kyle asked with a small frown. Alex titled his head.

‘I just asked if you had seen him already, getting a podium in Monaco is a pretty big deal.’ Alex narrowed his eyes at Kyle. ‘You did congratulate him, right? If I congratulated him, you should definitely do that too. You’re the one who was telling me he wasn’t so bad.’

‘Yeah and you were the one telling me he was the spawn of Satan.’ Kyle said with a little more heat than necessary. ‘Just because you’ve decided you’re suddenly his biggest fan doesn’t mean everyone else has to do the same, Alex.’

‘Wow, you’re being a giant dick right now.’ Alex set the bottle down and pushed himself up off the floor. He gestured at Kyle with the trophy still clenched in his right hand. ‘You are just as much his trainer as you are mine. Your dad yelled at _me_ about being professional, maybe he needed to be yelling at you instead. Just get over yourself Kyle.’

‘Oh wow, I can’t believe you actually remember that he’s _my _dad and _not_ yours. Screw you, Alex.’

Alex flinched as Kyle stormed from the room and slammed the door. This was the problem, he and Kyle never really fought, but when they did, they knew each other so well, they knew exactly where to hit for maximum impact. Arguments between Alex and Kyle always ignited like a spark near gasoline. It ignited fast and burned ferociously, but never long.

Monaco was behind them now. Alex got his points, he was still third in the championship and he was still fairly close to the two Mercedes drivers ahead of him. He just needed to start winning again. This week, they were in Canada. In Montreal to be exact.

‘Wait so what are they doing this week?’ Maria asked Jenna who was in the passenger seat of the car.

‘Axe throwing.’ Jenna replied with a devilish grin.

‘You think it’s a good idea to hand these two axes?’ Maria asked with raised eyebrows. ‘I know they’ve been trying this whole “friends” thing, but arming them?’

‘Jeez Maria. I’m not going to throw an axe at his head.’ Alex frowned. ‘I’m an asshole, not homicidal.’

‘Yeah Maria, plus, their teachers are trained professionals.’ Jenna said.

‘Professional axe throwers, is that a thing?’ Maria titled her head.

‘There’s a professional everything these days.’ Jenna shrugged.

‘Was Guerin meeting us there?’ Alex asked. He had yet to see his teammate in Montreal, and while he certainly hadn’t_ missed_ him, he was curious why he hadn’t been around.

‘Yeah. His brother is here this weekend, so him and Isobel went to pick him up from the airport.’ Jenna shrugged. Ah, that explained that. ‘Are we going to see any of your brothers this year, Alex?’

‘Probably not.’ Alex said, he knew his tone gave off a very deliberate “let’s not talk about this anymore” vibe.

‘We have arrived.’ The driver said as he pulled the car to a stop near a big warehouse.

‘Thank you.’

‘Merci beaucoup.’ Alex said before exiting the car. He stretched his arms over his head, feeling his joints crack back into place.

They headed inside, where they were greeted by a young woman that couldn’t be much taller than 4’5, but she looked like she could handle herself. Her handshake was strong as she greeted them.

‘Hi there, I’m Shelley.’

‘I’m Alex, nice to meet you.’ She smiled sharply at him. She also shook the hands of Jenna and Maria.

‘I thought there were going to be two?’ Shelley asked Jenna.

‘Yeah, the other is on his way right now.’ Jenna said, motioning towards her phone. ‘They should be here in about five minutes.’

‘Okay, should we get this one changed?’ Shelley asked, motioning vaguely at Alex who frowned. He was right there.

‘Changed? What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?’ Alex looked down, he was, for once, not in team-branded gear. Instead he was wearing black jeans and a super soft maroon sweater Maria had gotten him last year.

‘If you’re going to be throwing some axes, we’ve got to dress you up like a lumberjack. Come on Alex, keep up.’ Jenna said waving towards a couch where there were two plaid shirts laid out.

‘Really, plaid? Isn’t that a bit stereotypical?’ Alex asked with a single raised eyebrow.

‘Alex, sweetie, have you really not figured it out yet?’ Alex made a face at Jenna. ‘That’s the point.’ Alex rolled his eyes, but he switched his sweater for the red plaid shirt. He ignored Maria’s whistle as he pulled the sweater over his head.

‘Hello _Alex_, whatever training program Kyle has got you on, you look _good_.’ His face must have done something weird, because Maria let the teasing leer drop off her face. ‘Don’t tell me you two are still fighting?’

‘We’re not fighting.’ Maria raised her eyebrows as Alex shrugged the shirt over his shoulders. ‘He apologized, it’s fine.’

‘You don’t look fine.’ Maria said critically. Alex was saved from having to say anything else by the door opening.

‘Michael.’ Jenna said happily. ‘Good, you’re here. There’s a shirt over there for you.’ She motioned at Alex. Michael looked tired, but he still managed a grin as he saw Alex.

‘Hi guys. Really, we’re doing plaid?’

‘That’s what I said.’ Alex shrugged. Guerin smiled at him.

‘Great minds, I guess.’ Alex snorted.

‘Yeah sure.’

When Guerin pulled his shirt over his head, Alex looked towards Isobel. She seemed to be talking to Maria. They were standing there along with the guy Alex recognized as Guerin’s brother. Max. Alex should probably have gone over there, said hello, asked how he was, but he really didn’t want to.

‘So, trouble in paradise?’ Guerin asked, Alex eyes snapped back to him, he was buttoning up the shirt so it was relatively safe to look at him now.

‘What do you mean?’

‘I heard you and Valenti had a run in.’ Guerin asked, he kept his eyes down, looking at the buttons.

‘Oh really, where did you hear that?’ Alex was proud of how level his voice sounded.

‘Grapevine.’

‘Hm, yeah, we had a disagreement. It happens.’ Alex shrugged. Guerin looked up at him through his lashes, that wasn’t fair.

‘I thought you guys were like, the perfect couple.’ He teased. Alex rolled his eyes.

‘He can be a dick sometimes.’ He raised an eyebrow at Guerin. ‘I guess me and him have that in common, right?’

‘Now you’re just trying to get me in trouble.’ Both of them laughed.

‘Alright, if you’re ready.’ Jenna called. Alex glanced at Guerin.

‘Should I be saying hello to your brother?’ Alex decided on asking. Guerin shrugged.

‘Max! You remember Alex, right?’ He called, his brother looked up and frowned.

‘Yeah of course.’ Alex was kind of waiting for some sort of “hi, good to see you again” but that didn’t come, so Alex decided, fuck it.

‘Okay, so who’s head are we throwing these axes at?’ Alex asked, it earned him a spectacular eyeroll from Jenna.

Throwing axes was actually kind of fun. It felt a little more like luck than skill (at least for Alex) but it was fun. They laughed, they did a little competition, Alex won (just barely, but a win was a win) and even Maria and Isobel gave it a few go’s.

‘I can’t believe you lost Michael, it can’t be that hard.’ Max said, the tone was teasing enough, but still, it wasn’t very nice. Judging by Michael’s face, he didn’t really appreciate the comment either.

‘Do you want to give it a try?’ Alex asked, holding the handle of an axe out for Michael’s brother. He made sure to keep a friendly smile on his face. Max glanced at the axe and then at Alex, who just blinked at him.

‘Sure.’ He accepted the axe from Alex. Shelley looked on with a smirk and didn’t try to explain anything. Max tried and… his axe bounced off the target and clattered to the ground. Alex crossed his arms, titled his head and went:

‘Huh, not so easy after all.’ Max threw him a fairly filthy look, but Guerin laughed, so he supposed it was worth it. ‘I’m just messing with you, man.’ Alex added, just to try and keep the peace.

When they were heading back to the cars, Alex back in his own sweater, Guerin sped up so he could walk next to Alex.

‘Thanks for that.’

‘For what?’ Alex asked.

‘Having Max try with the axe.’

‘Sometimes brothers need to be put in their place.’ Alex shrugged, it earned him another laugh.

‘Well, thanks. And uh… that’s a good colour on you.’ Guerin bumped his fist against Alex’s arm and jogged away before Alex could find anything to say. Wait. What?

Alex really enjoyed racing in Canada. The track wasn’t quite ideal for the Red Bulls, it had a _long_ straight and it favoured top speed, but there were lots of opportunities to overtake, it was kind of the opposite of Monaco. It was also heavy on the brakes.

‘_Alex, the brakes are getting a little hot, try to let them cool down a little._’ Well that wasn’t something he wanted to hear, especially not on this track, especially not right now.

‘I’m a little busy trying not to get caught by this damn Ferrari.’ Alex replied, flooring it down another long straight. ‘If I don’t push it, he’ll overtake me.’

‘_We know that Alex, but if you blow up the brakes we don’t get any points._’ The lead engineer said. ‘_The Ferrari is three seconds behind you now._’

‘Fuck.’ Alex said, more to himself than to the garage, he hoped they got that. ‘Okay, I’ll see what I can do.’

‘_Hold him as long as you can Alex._’

He hated this. He hated waiting for the inevitable. He hated the updates from the garage (two seconds, 1.5 seconds, 1 second), as helpful as they were, they just made Alex tense. He sped down the finishing straight again, full throttle, if the Ferrari got within DRS distance, he was done for. He knew he clocked over 300 km/h on that one. He could see the red car in his mirrors now, he was too close.

He managed to hold him for another lap and a half, he wasn’t even really sure how, but in the end he had to let him pass. Dammit, he really wanted that third place.

‘_Alright Alex, well done, we just don’t have the pace right now._’ Mister Valenti came over the radio.

‘Yeah I know.’ Alex said, clenching his jaw and focussing back on the track. He was going to hunt that Ferrari for all he was worth. That was something Alex actually enjoyed about not being in first, he liked having a car in front of him that he could chase. He also liked winning, of course, but starting in the back wasn’t something he hated. He liked the thrill of the first corners, where everything was still squished together. Where there was just inches between cars, everyone fighting for that spot.

There were too many laps left for him to be able to really keep up with the Ferrari. But lucky for him, the cars behind him weren’t really any threat to him. Guerin had had a puncture a few laps ago, so he’d fallen back into eight last Alex heard.

He crossed the finish line in fourth position. It wasn’t ideal, but this just wasn’t their track, even if it was fun. He was just minding his own business after the finish line, getting ready to thank the team when the lapped driver he was passing suddenly swerved towards him. Alex, who had already started to let his brain slip from racing mode, swerved, his tires locked up and he ended up sideways on the track.

‘What the actual fuck?’ Alex asked the air as other cars swerved around him. Guerin slowed down significantly as he passed Alex. He tilted his head. Alex gave him a quick thumbs up to signal he was fine.

‘_What just happened Alex?’ _Mister Valenti’s voice came over the radio. He sounded as confused as Alex felt.

‘That fucking asshole almost swerved into me, for no fucking reason.’ Something clicked in Alex’s mind. ‘It was a Renault. It was Wyatt fucking Long, wasn’t it.’

‘_Yeah it looks that way. We’ll file a complaint.’_

‘I’m going to break his fucking nose, he almost gave me a heart attack.’

‘_Alex._’ Mister Valenti said in a warning tone as Alex got the car pointing back in the right direction when there was a gap in traffic.

‘Yeah, yeah, I know.’

He did know. Didn’t mean he wasn’t pissed. He wasn’t going to do anything stupid, he really wasn’t, but when Long came strolling past the Red Bull garage, much closer than he needed to be and had the fucking guts to bump into Alex, he may have seen red.

‘What is your _fucking_ problem?’ Alex snarled after him. Long turned around, that stupid smirk on his face.

‘What are you talking about?’

‘Are you really that bitter?’ Alex stepped closer to him, his hands were itching. ‘You couldn’t win with Red Bull, you couldn’t handle that you were consistently getting your ass whooped by a kid that wasn’t even old enough to drink, so you go to some second rank team and then you try and drive me off the track _after_ the chequered flag? Wow, aren’t you a fucking hero.’ 

‘You’re just a brat with a oversized ego that thinks he’s hot shit because his daddy raced in F1 once.’

‘Are you seriously playing the “you only got here because of your dad” card?’ Alex asked, he could feel himself smile. ‘You do know that even if I did, I still _beat you_. Almost every race. You lost, consistently, to a kid that “only got his seat because of his dad”. Dude, that says more about you than it says about me.’

‘Whatever helps you sleep at night. You forget that I know a lot more about you and your dad than you’d like me to.’ Long sneered. Alex was going to hit him, he was kind of embarrassed to admit it, but he was. Luckily, a hand closed around his upper arm, stopping him in his tracks.

‘How about you just keep walking, back to the back of the grid.’ Guerin made a dismissive motion with his hand, keeping a firm but not painful grip on Alex’s arm. Long made a nasty noise.

‘Let’s see how long you last being second best to this guy. Once you realize the team doesn’t give a shit about you, you’ll want out too.’ Long turned around sharply and disappeared. Guerin let go of him.

‘God I hate him.’ Alex said, trying to take deep breaths and keep his shaking hands under control. He wasn’t sure if they were shaking from anger or adrenaline, or both. He did know that he felt incredibly claustrophobic. ‘I need some air.’ Guerin took one look at his face and started leading the way into the garage, deeper into the garage, he found a quiet nook and Alex ducked into it, pressed his back into the wall and closed his eyes. He focussed on breathing. In and out. Rain on the roof of a trailer. Engine grease. Laptop keys under his fingers. That weird snort thing Kyle did when Alex made him laugh hard enough. Maria rolling her eyes fondly. Liz slaughtering Livin’ on a Prayer. Michael's soft smiles….

Alex’s eyes shot open. He was still there. Looking at Alex with concern written all over him.

‘You good?’ He asked, a little frown between his eyebrows.

‘Almost-‘

‘Michael, have you seen Alex? Why the hell am I getting calls from the FIA? Did he try to punch someone?’ Mister Valenti sounded annoyed. Alex tried to disappear into the wall. He couldn’t see their team boss yet.

‘Long was antagonizing him, and he didn’t actually do anything.’ Michael said calmly. ‘There was a camera nearby, I’m sure the FIA can get the footage from that.’

‘You were there?’

‘I saw that Alex looked upset, so I went over, I caught some of what was being said.’ Guerin shrugged, he still hadn’t told mister Valenti Alex was there. ‘I know he didn’t punch him.’ Mister Valenti sighed.

‘I’ll look into it. If you see him, tell him to come find me.’ He could hear mister Valenti’s footsteps disappear. He was going to say thank you.

‘You didn’t have to do that.’

‘I know.’ Guerin said easily. ‘Consider it me repaying you for handling my brother the other day. You looked like you needed a breather, not an annoyed team boss.’ Alex looked at him for a second, but he couldn’t find anything but sincerity in his face.

‘Thank you.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, the boys are heading to Austria for Red Bull's home race! 
> 
> Comments make me squeal with delight!


	9. Rewrite your history, light up your wildest dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Red Bull's home race comes around, and it's a good one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
For this chapter's "Red Bull has the boys do a fun thing" I chose something that Red Bull actually did a while ago. If you want to see the video of it, I have a link for you. It's hylarious: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ZPe08qJjfk 
> 
> Alex's race is loosely based off the actual 2019 Austrian GP, which was one that had me on the edge of my seat!  
btw, if you ever want to see the chaos of the inside of my brain, my Tumblr is a pretty good spot to get a visual of that. It's: Daffietjuh  
Now, on with the show!

‘I guess you get to drive an Aston Martin a little earlier than planned huh?’ Alex asked, tilting his head as he watched the strange scene in front of him.

‘I guess so.’ Guerin said, sounding equally puzzled. There were two Aston Martin’s parked in a parking lot near the Red Bull ring, that didn’t sound too strange, except these cars had a caravan behind them. It was Wednesday, the sun was out and Jenna had looked more excited than usual for their silly thing of the week.

‘Alright, so, this week we’re doing a little bit of a race.’ Jenna said, her grin was wide and genuine.

‘We’re racing these?’ Alex asked, feeling the smile spread over his own face.

‘Yes we are.’ Jenna rubbed her hands together. ‘First, we’ve got to set the scene.’

They parked the car Alex would be driving on a small strip of grass near the road. They set up a little barbeque and a little fold up chair. They had Alex sit down and pretend to be grilling a burger. They had Guerin pull up and basically challenge Alex to a race. They were supposed to be acting serious, but Alex felt incredibly giddy. After that, they drove the cars to the Red Bull ring. They lined up on the starting line.

‘Go!’ Jenna yelled. And Alex let the tires squeal as he took off. It was a really weird sensation. Obviously, they weren’t real caravans, they were just wooden outsides, but still they threw off the regular balance of a car. The cars themselves were awesome though. Alex could see Guerin’s grin easily. They behaved for the first lap, overtaking each other, but not pushing it too hard. Jenna had told them she wanted some calmer shots first, and then they should push it. She’d also said that if they hadn’t destroyed the caravans by the end of the shoot, she’d be disappointed.

Alex was the first to get his caravan on one wheel. He managed to keep it there, balancing it like that for a whole corner, but it felt more like luck than anything else. He was laughing when he could feel the caravan thump back onto two wheels. He let go of the gas and Guerin pulled up next to him, he was laughing too.

‘Your turn!’ Alex called, even though he was pretty sure Guerin couldn’t hear him, he seemed to get what Alex was saying.

It took them two laps to completely destroy the caravans. Michael lost his first, so Alex made sure to get rid of his one too. Alex was still laughing, when they crossed the finish line again. They pulled the cars to a stop.

‘That was amazing.’ Michael grinned, clapping his hands as he let the car idle.

‘That’s the most fun I’ve had in a while.’ Alex agreed.

They ended the shoot back on a little grass section, the destroyed caravan’s behind them, sitting by the barbeque.

‘So, how was your first time driving an Aston Martin?’ Alex asked after Jenna had called cut. They were having a last few moments with the cars until a rep from Aston Martin came to pick them up.

‘I am in love with this car.’ Guerin said, stroking the hood lovingly. He paused for a second. ‘Do you think they’d let me keep it?’

‘Well, probably not this specific one, but if you have a chat with the rep, I’m sure they’ll lend you a car.’

‘Seriously?’ Guerin asked with wide eyes. Alex shrugged. ‘Oh, I’ve been meaning to ask, did you get in trouble at all?’ Alex was pretty sure he knew what Guerin was talking about. The incident in Canada.

‘Nah, mister Valenti saw the footage and he agreed I didn’t do anything worth punishing.’ Alex shrugged.

‘Good. Long is a real piece of work.’

‘Tell me about it, I was his teammate for a while.’ Alex said, leaning his arm on the roof of the car.

‘How was that, really?’ Guerin asked. He mirrored Alex’s stance.

‘Well, I guess it was kind of like it was between us the first few races, but he was definitely more… snide. Always looking for something he could say to get in my head. Always pushing where he knew it hurt. Especially my second year was really bad.’ Alex explained. ‘I did actually try to hit him once, but Kyle was around for that one and he stopped me.’

‘That was the year where you had so many engine issues right?’

‘Yeah, I think I ended up with a DNF on almost 50% of the races that year, almost all because of engine problems. But he liked to make me feel like it was somehow my fault.’ Alex could still feel the frustration and the anger when he talked about it.

‘Damn. Thank god we’ve got better engines now, huh?’

‘Yeah, absolutely.’

‘So what’s your plan for this weekend?’ Guerin asked with an easy grin.

‘Oh you know, I was planning on winning the race.’ Alex shrugged. Guerin grinned at him.

‘Huh, really?’

‘Yeah, I mean, I won it last year.’ Alex mused. ‘And the car felt really good last weekend, we just didn’t quite have the power, but with this engine update… A one-two looks pretty doable to me.’

‘Alright, so game on then?’

‘Game on.’

Alex didn’t really like having to do press. It was kind of boring, but considering he’d qualified second, he had to be there. Along with Ferrari driver Charles, and Guerin.

‘This question is for the Red Bull guys. You’re starting second and third at your home track, how are you feeling about your chances?’ Guerin glanced at Alex, fine.

‘I think we’ve got a pretty good chance of winning. I’m sure Ferrari isn’t going to make it easy on us, but the car feels really good this weekend and the pace is great, so I think we can really make this a good race.’ Alex said. ‘I think the qualifying laps for the top four were only about .5 seconds apart, so I think we’ve all got a pretty good chance of landing on the top step tomorrow.’

‘Michael?’

‘Yeah, I agree with Alex.’ Guerin said simply, Alex laughed. ‘What?’

‘I think he was looking for a little more than that.’ There were laughs throughout the room. Guerin rolled his eyes.

‘Fine, should I just repeat what you said in slightly different words?’ Guerin asked. ‘We have a good chance of winning, the pace of the car is great-‘

‘Okay, thank you.’ The reporter interrupted, laughing slightly.

‘Michael, you’ve been Alex’s teammate for a few months now, how would you describe him?’ Another reporter asked. Alex looked over at Michael.

‘Remember, you can’t curse.’ He reminded him.

‘Oh darn, that’s right. Um…’ Guerin thought for a second and then grinned. ‘How about:’ He continued in a sing-song voice. ‘He’s beauty, he’s grace, he’ll punch you in the face.’

‘What the hell?’ Alex laughed. He was going to continue, but another bubble of laughter stopped him. ‘Stop telling people I punched someone!’ Alex managed.

‘Okay, okay, alright.’ Guerin laughed too. Poor Charles who was sitting between them looked somewhat confused. ‘In all seriousness though, after we got over the initial….speed bumps’ Alex snorted. ‘we’ve actually realized we get along quite well. Sure, he’s competitive as all hell, but I challenge you to find a driver around here that doesn’t want to win every race. He’s a great driver, a good friend and a real competitor.’

‘Thank you, and Alex, how would you describe Michael?’ Alex was a little busy being overwhelmed. Alex didn’t feel like he’d been _that _nice to Michael. They’d been bantering and laughing quite a bit, but he hadn’t even made an effort to be especially nice to him. Did that say more about Alex, or about the people around Michael?

‘Oh, uh. Well, I agree with Michael. We got off to a rough start, but once we got over those initial problems we’ve been good. He’s fun to hang around with and it’s actually really nice to have another young guy in the garage. He’s a really good driver too, he’s just been having some bad luck in the last few weeks.’ 

The press conference didn’t last long after that. That was good, because Alex was getting bored.

‘So, time for some dinner, I guess.’ Michael said as they headed out of the media centre and into the cooling night air.

‘Yeah, I’m starving.’ Alex groaned. ‘I would _love_ some pizza right now.’

‘Oh man, don’t even start. Kyle would kill us though.’

‘He doesn’t need to know.’ Alex argued.

‘I feel like he would know though, like he can just sense it.’ Guerin wiggled his fingers dramatically.

‘Hmpf. I’m sure _Maria_ would get me pizza.’ He didn’t sound like a petulant five year old. He didn’t. Michael laughed.

‘Well, she’s right there, how about we find out.’ Michael made a motion with his head and sure enough, there was Maria, talking to Isobel. She was smiling like she normally only did around Alex, Kyle and Liz. Huh. That was new.

‘Oh, hey guys, how was the press conference?’ Maria asked, actually looking a little startled.

‘Fine.’ Alex said, suspicion colouring his voice.

‘We were just saying we were hungry.’ Michael said, he was looking at his sister with a bit of a puzzled look. Isobel seemed to be trying to send a message with her eyebrows.

‘Oh yes, me and Isobel were saying the same thing. We figured we’d grab dinner together.’ Something in the way Maria phrased that set off bells in Alex’s head. That was her “please remove yourself from this conversation” voice.

‘Alright, have fun. I think me and Michael will just grab something in the cafeteria here. They’ve got that kick ass mac ‘nd cheese that I’m actually allowed to have.’ Alex said, he ignored Michael’s confused look and just focussed on the grateful one Maria shot him.

‘Alright, have fun.’

‘You too.’

‘I’ll see you tomorrow Michael.’ Isobel assured him.

‘Bye?’ Michael said as the two ladies walked off. ‘What just happened?’

‘Well. I think your sister is going on a date with my best friend.’ Alex summarized.

‘I thought Kyle was your best friend.’ Alex rolled his eyes.

‘That’s the part you’re focussing on? You can have more than one best friend, Michael.’

‘Huh.’ Something clenched in Alex’s chest. He sounded genuinely confused.

‘You know, remind me to properly introduce you to Liz at Silverstone, I think you two would get along.’ Alex said, bumping his shoulder against Michael’s as he headed towards the cafeteria.

‘Liz? The one I lost a bet to?’ Michael asked, jogging after him.

‘Yeah, she’s the fourth musketeer, if you’d like. The four of us grew up together. She’s currently a little busy being a science genius, but she’ll be there in the UK and probably Texas as well.’ He did actually, genuinely, think that Michael and Liz would get along. Guerin always looked like he understood what they were talking about in drivers meetings when they went into the specifics of the car and how they were improving the pace and what not, that stuff generally went over Alex’s head. Liz and Michael would, at least, be able to bond over being smarter than Alex.

‘Yeah I vaguely remember her. Is she like, a female version of you? Because than I can prepare. You know, that I need a few months to crack the prickly exterior.’ Guerin teased. Alex rolled his eyes.

‘Asshole.’

‘Oh, come on Alex. You’re like a cactus. A beautiful cactus, but definitely a cactus.’

‘You know that’s the second time today you’ve called me beautiful.’ Alex pointed out. He was expecting Michael to do the “bro, I didn’t mean it like _that_” back-tracking thing.

‘I said what I said.’

Instead he left Alex blinking stupidly at him as he continued on.

‘Ready?’ Kyle leant over his cockpit. Alex wasn’t sure who allowed him onto the garage right now, but Kyle was sneaky like that.

‘Yeah, ready.’ Alex confirmed. Kyle looked a little conflicted.

‘Listen, I know I already apologized, but I _am_ really sorry about Monaco. You know I don’t mean it when I say shit like that right?’ He rushed the words out, making them hard to follow with the noise around, but Alex got the gist.

‘Yeah, I know.’ Alex tried to reassure him. He _did_ know, didn’t mean it didn’t suck. ‘Look, K. I know you mean well, but you need to lay off Michael. I don’t need you to protect me from him.’

‘I’m starting to realize that.’ Kyle said, he looked unsure in a way Alex wasn’t used to him looking. ‘I’ll do better.’

‘An apology goes a long way. Any particular reason you felt the need to come tell me this _now_?’ Kyle shrugged, he looked like he’d relaxed a little.

‘I figured you couldn’t run away from me.’ Alex rolled his eyes and Kyle cackled as he quickly disappeared off the track. Time for Alex to get into starting position.

‘God fucking dammit.’ Starting from the first row didn’t matter much if your car stalled on the start. Before Alex could blink he was back in ninth. No. Not today, not on this track. He clenched his jaw and hit the gas. There was no way he was going to let this be how his race ended. He was getting back on that goddamn podium.

‘_Alright Alex, you know what to do.’_ His lead engineer, Tyler, came over the radio. ‘_Let’s push it hard.’ _

‘Yeah. I know.’

He did know. Starts had never been Alex’s strongest point, he didn’t do well when he had to wait. It always took too long for the lights to go out. Today, the lights had taken just a beat longer than he expected them to and he’d stalled the fucking car. But he was nothing if not stubborn, and he really liked this track. He also had 71 laps to get back to the front.

So, Alex did what he could. He passed the Torro Rosso and the McLaren’s with relative ease. Even if he’d fucked up the start, the pace was still really good and he gained on those first three cars in front of him with an ease that almost scared him. The Mercedes in fifth was a little trickier, it was being driven by a four time world champion. It took him a few laps to get past him, but in the end, the Mercedes just didn’t have the pace that weekend.

The lap counter just kept going up though.

If there was one thing Alex always felt confident about, it was their pit stops. Red Bull had the fastest pit crew on the grid. Alex barely even had time to blink as the team changed his tires. He was off again, he was closer to the Ferrari ahead of him now.

‘_1.4 seconds between you and the Ferrari._’ All he needed to do was shave off .4 seconds and he’d be within DRS range. He picked up those tenths of a second within a lap, and on the next straight he moved around the Ferrari with ease. Five down, three to go. Next was the second Mercedes. The Fin behind the wheel was a tough cookie, but you could tell he was used to having the fastest car on the track. Today, that was not the case. Well, it wasn’t the case until Alex felt something change under him. The Mercedes, that had been steadily getting closer, was suddenly gaining distance again. Alex hit the radio button.

‘No, no, no, no. Guys I’m losing power.’ Alex could feel the speed drop underneath him. No. Not now. Not on this track. Not when he’d been really making headway.

‘_We’re looking into it._’ Tyler radioed back immediately. Alex could feel his heart climbing in his throat as the radio stayed silent for about two and a half seconds. ‘_Fail 3, fail 0-3, Alex. Hit setting 0-3_. _Confirm?_’ Alex glanced at his controls and changed to the aforementioned setting.

‘Confirm.’ The difference was insane. He hit the gas and suddenly the Mercedes didn’t seem that fast at all. He got as close as he dared and then darted past around the outside. It was almost easy. ‘Oh yes.’ Alex laughed. Up next, Guerin. This would be interesting.

He knew his car was running well and that his pace was bordering on blistering, but it wasn’t until he got Guerin in his sights that he realized just _how good_ his car was running.

‘_That was another purple lap, Alex. Nice going._’ Tyler confirmed what Alex was feeling, he was setting the fastest lap times. ‘_Michael is 3.1 seconds ahead._’ Alex nodded to himself.

‘What’s the call here?’ He was expecting Tyler to answer, however it was mister Valenti that replied.

‘_Race it, but if you screw this up…_’ He didn’t finish the treat, probably for the best, but Alex got it anyways. His words from Spain were still firmly planted in Alex’s head. He wasn’t about to be demoted.

‘Copy.’ Alex replied.

It was a good battle. Probably one of the better ones Alex had had in a while. Alex’s pace was technically faster, but Guerin had the advantage of being ahead and his car was running really well too. He kept having _just _enough space between them, pushing it just hard enough that Alex couldn’t quite get around him.

‘_Atta boy, Alex!´_ He could hear Tyler’s grin. He finally got him on lap 65. That meant he had 6 laps to catch the Ferrari in first. Alright.

‘How far ahead is Charles?’ He asked, already focussed on the next one.

‘_5.8 seconds. But you’re outpacing him by more than a second a lap. His tires are really feeling it.’ _It was going to be close.

‘Alright, let’s go for it. Keep me updated.’

4.3 seconds, 5 laps to go.

3.1 seconds, 4 laps to go.

1.9 seconds, 3 laps to go.

1.1 seconds, 2 laps to go.

‘_.8 seconds.’ _Tyler even sounded tense now as Alex crossed the finish line, heading into the final lap. He’d tried to get past on the final corner just now, but the Ferrari had thrown the door shut quite firmly. Alex wasn’t about to leave it at that.

‘Come on, come on, come on.’ He murmured to himself as he tried to take the inside line a few corners later. The Ferrari defended and he couldn’t quite get it. However, in defending the inside, he left his outside wide open. Rookie mistake. Alex _loved_ going around the outside.

Half a lap before the finish, Alex pushed the Red Bull as fast as he dared around the outside, and sure enough, by the next corner he was ahead. He was in the lead. He’d fucking done it. He pushed the car for all it was worth on the last few corners, unwilling to give the position back now, just because he let his guard down.

He crossed the finish line. First place, baby.

‘Yes!’ He pumped his fist in the air at the mechanics hanging off the catchfence.

‘_Hell fucking yes Alex, what a race!_’ Tyler sounded as ecstatic as Alex felt.

‘Thank you Ty. This feels really fucking good.’ Alex said with a laugh as he slowed down a little further, raising his fist towards the home crowd. He couldn’t hear them, but by the hands that shot into the air, he figured they were happy.

‘_Amazing Alex, what a race. Well done, well deserved._’ Mister Valenti came over the radio next.

‘Thank you. The car was just amazing this weekend, thank you to the whole team. This feels really damn good.’ Alex grinned.

‘_Double podium. We’re very proud of both of you._’ Michael made it to the podium too, good on him.

‘Yeah, Michael put up quite a fight, it was a good one.’ Alex said.

He parked the car behind the #1 sign. He managed to untangle himself from the car. Michael wasn’t out of his yet, so Alex jogged for the mechanics first. Tyler was all the way at the front, being squished against the barrier. Alex threw himself into the group with a delighted laugh.

‘What a drive, kid.’ Tyler said before pushing him back onto his own feet playfully.

‘Thanks, the car was awesome this weekend. Thank you, guys.’ Alex grinned.

‘Incoming!’ A blur in a dark blue racing suit came flying past him and got hugged equally as enthusiastically by the mechanics. Alex let him have his moment.

There were drinks set up for them in the little room where the podium finishers could get themselves together before they headed onto the podium. The camera in there always kind of annoyed him. Couldn’t they get one second to compose themselves _without_ having it recorded and broadcasted to the world? Alex switched his helmet out for a Red Bull cap, it was good they always had those around, helmet hair was the worst.

Charles didn’t say a word to him as he entered the room. Understandable, Alex _did_ take his first place in the _last lap_. Alex wouldn’t have been in the mood to chit chat either. Michael, however, didn’t seem to have any such issues.

‘Alex, _dude_. What a drive.’ He had his helmet in one hand as he slid past Charles. His curls were sticking to his forehead and he looked like a sweaty mess. Alex frowned and planted the second Red Bull cap on his head. Michael must have taken that as an invitation, because he stepped closer and wrapped his free arm casually around Alex.

It took him a beat too long to return the hug. Casual as it was, it still threw him.

‘You’re really sweaty.’ Alex complained, just so he’d have something to say, and a good excuse to back out of the hug before it got awkward, or _more_ awkward. Michael laughed.

‘Oh come on man.’ He complained. ‘Don’t sell me out like that.’ Alex rolled his eyes, he was kind of shocked to find out it was more fond than anything else.

‘How about we go get our trophies?’

Champagne wasn’t any better in Austria. It was still gross.

‘Ugh, I wish they’d just let us have a beer on the podium or something.’ Michael grimaced as he handed his bottle off to a mechanic who took it happily. Alex had handed his off to Maria about an hour ago.

They had kind of lost sight of each other after the ceremony. There was press to do, showers to take and other important shit that didn’t require them to be together. It seemed, however, that they had somehow found their way back to each other.

‘Tell me about it.’ Alex replied. He’d been trying to catch his breath. ‘Since you hate it too, was there any particular reason you were still carrying it around?’

‘Well, I was going to give it to Isobel, but when I finally found her, she was already sharing _yours_ with _Maria_.’ Michael pouted.

‘Ah.’ Alex nodded. ‘So their dinner went well?’ He wasn’t entirely sure how the whole thing came around and he hadn’t had the time or focus to really talk to Maria about it, but he was happy for her.

‘I guess so, I haven’t really seen much of Is this weekend.’ Michael shrugged. He did that thing with his face he usually seemed to do when he wanted to breach a new subject, but wasn’t sure how Alex would respond to it. ‘I did actually have a question. So uh, you wouldn’t happen know anything about why Valenti Junior took me aside just to congratulate me and apologize to me, would you?’ Alex tried to hide his smile and look innocent.

‘Um, nope.’ Michael narrowed his eyes at him.

‘It was nice.’ He offered, seemingly trying to coax some sort of explanation out of Alex. He sighed.

‘Look, Kyle can be a little protective of me, whether I like it or not. He means well, but he isn’t always fair to the people around me.’ He knew he was going to sound cryptic, but he didn’t want to reveal all of the bullshit in his past. ‘I’ve been through some shit and he’s trying to look out for me, but he should also learn how to act like a professional. I may have suggested that he’d get over himself and stop treating you like shit.’

‘Wait, the argument you had last week, that was over me?’ Michael raised an eyebrow, grinning sharply at Alex.

‘I didn’t say that.’

‘No, but it was, wasn’t it?’

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy hell, I can't believe the next chapter is chapter 10 already! 
> 
> The thing Alex says about the pit stops is true actually! Red Bull holds the record for the fastest pit stop at 1.88 seconds! It's insane! 
> 
> Comments make me squeal with delight!


	10. Museum victories, every day we wanted everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The crew is in the UK, Liz joins them and there's a lot of talking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I was planning on writing more interactions with Michael and the crew, but I ended up with about 3600 words of Alex and Michael communicating.... Oops.   
I have planned out the rest of the chapters, and I should get to the wonderfully even number of 20!

They did get to drive another Aston Martin in the UK. Alex let Michael drive because he was a nice guy and Michael looked at the car like he wanted to marry it. The only problem was, Alex had forgotten how much he _hated_ being the passenger, especially in a high performance car, on a racetrack.

‘You do have your driver’s license, right?’ Alex asked, willing his hand not to clench nervously around the handle of the passenger side door.

‘Yeah, of course.’ Michael answered, grinning at him over the roof of the car. Their helmets were ready for them on their seats. Alex wasn’t sure if the fact that they had to wear helmets made him feel better or worse.

‘I swear to god, if you crash this car, I’m going to kill you.’ Alex said, Jenna seemed to be going over the last few things with the camera crew.

‘Oh don’t worry, if I crash this car, Jenna will kill me first.’ Michael said, his fingers were tapping an excited rhythm on the roof of the car. It would have been cute, had Alex not been feeling just a little bit sick.

‘I’m going to be sitting right next to you, I’ve got quick hands.’ He tried to make it sound threatening, but he was pretty sure it didn’t work.

‘Alex, relax.’ He sounded genuine now. ‘You’re a bit of a control freak aren’t you?’

‘I just don’t like being the passenger.’

‘And you are still letting me drive?’ Michael asked. ‘You’ve got seniority, I’m pretty sure you could have pulled that card and driven yourself.’

‘Well, I know how much you loved driving that car last week. I’m just being nice.’ It came out a little more defensively than he’d planned.

‘Alright.’ Michael raised his hands off the roof. ‘I appreciate it.’

Jenna came walking over to them with a camera guy. They both turned to face her.

‘Alright, we’re just going to shoot the intro here.’ She said, motioning them to get started.

‘Hi! I’m Michael Guerin.’

‘And I’m Alex Manes.’

‘And today we are driving this absolute beauty of a car on the track here at Silverstone! I’m so excited. Are you excited? You don’t look excited.’ Alex didn’t feel excited. He cast his eyes up at the heavens.

‘I’m just saying a little prayer that you don’t, I don’t know, have us do a barrel roll or something.’ Alex shrugged, and Michael gasped dramatically.

‘I would never do that to such a beautiful car.’

‘Oh right, cause you’re worried about _the car_. Not, you know, our limbs.’

‘It’ll be fine, just keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times.’ Michael said with a grin. Alex sighed deeply. Jenna laughed.

‘Alright nice. Now, helmets on and off you go.’ She clapped her hands. Alex did as he was told. He was pretty proud that his hands weren’t shaking as he fastened his helmet. Crap, he did not remember being this nervous before. He tried his best to appear calm as they strapped themselves in and Michael started the car. The sound was amazing, Alex had to give it that.

When Jenna finally gave them the go-ahead, Alex gave up on looking chill. Michael let the tires squeal as he took off down the track. Objectively, Alex knew Michael was a good driver. He didn’t push it too hard the first lap, he made sure not to clip any curbs he didn’t let the car drift in the corners. Still Alex’s knuckles were white as he held on to the handhold for dear life.

‘You good over there?’ Michael called over while heading into the last corner.

‘Keep your eyes on the damn road!’ Alex called back. Guerin made a point of looking at him pointedly. ‘I swear to god Michael, eyes on the fucking road.’ He laughed, but did as Alex told him to. The second lap was both better and worse. Guerin started pushing the car more, drifting around the corners, braking later, so that part was worse. However, Alex also realized that Guerin did actually know what he was doing. He was balancing the car perfectly on the edge of pushing it over the limit. Alex actually found himself laughing (albeit somewhat fearfully) as they drifted around the last corner.

‘You’re having fun! I knew it!’ Guerin called cheerfully.

‘Just focus!’ Alex said, but he was grinning now.

They did another lap, Guerin smoothly twisting the car into a donut on the finishing straight, and then pulled to a stop at the finish line.

‘I feel sick.’ Alex said, but he couldn’t quite contain his grin.

‘Well, we’ve arrived at our destination, thank you for driving with the Guerin Express.’ Michael said with a grin as he started to undo the seatbelt and his helmet. Alex flexed his fingers a few times, and then followed his lead.

‘Zero out of five stars.’ He said once he removed his helmet and threw the door open.

‘Hey, at least I would get you there fast.’ Michael shrugged as he also stepped from the car.

‘Alright fine, one star.’ Alex relented. Michael laughed and Alex was momentarily distracted by the way his nose scrunched up. It was much more adorable than necessary.

‘Alex!’ A voice behind him had him whirl around.

‘Liz!’ Alex grinned, he caught her easily as she threw her arms around his neck. Maria, Isobel and Kyle followed at a slower pace. Liz looked stunning, as always. To Alex, she was like sunshine personified. He’d had his issues with both Maria and Kyle, but Liz had always seemed to understand exactly what Alex needed.

‘You look good.’ Liz grinned at him, ruffing his hair. Alex whined.

‘Liz, it’s not nice to make fun of someone’s helmet hair.’ She laughed, all bright and delighted. ‘You remember Michael, right?’ Alex motioned to his teammate over the roof of the car.

‘Yes I do, you’re the one that tried to solve one of my equations right?’

‘Yeah, and I failed.’

‘Well, it was a particularly hard one.’

‘And chemistry isn’t my specialty.’

‘What is?’

‘Engineering.’

‘Aren’t you supposed to use math and science to fix your problems in engineering?’

‘Well, _yeah_, but this was like, full on chemistry.’ Michael said and Liz grinned at him and then Alex. He must have looked confused, because she laughed.

‘Oh sweetie, is the science talk already too much for you?’ Liz asked with a sharp grin.

‘Oh yes, absolutely. That’s the face he makes in driver’s meetings when he zones out.’ Michael grinned.

‘_Okay_, should I just start rambling about computers? See how you like it.’ Alex crossed his arms and pouted. ‘Maria, they’re bullying me.’

‘You poor thing.’ Maria said without any shred of sympathy.

‘K?’ Kyle looked up from his phone.

‘Sorry, what?’ Alex sighed.

‘Isobel?’ He pleaded. ‘Back me up on this.’

‘Oh, is Michael babbling about stuff no one else understands again?’ She asked as she cocked her hip. 

‘Yes! But he has back up this time!’

‘Ah, but you introduced them right?’

‘Well yeah.’ Alex admitted.

‘Than isn’t this your own fault?’ Isobel asked, titling her head.

‘Et tu, Brutus?’ Alex set his hand on his chest.

‘Lunch?’ Maria asked with her “let’s keep the peace” smile.

‘Yes! I’m _starving_.’ Michael said enthusiastically.

‘You’re always starving.’ Alex rolled his eyes. ‘Should we leave the car here? Or do we need to bring it somewhere?’

‘I’ll drive it back.’ Jenna grinned, gently moving Michael aside and slipping into the driver’s seat. Everyone stepped back as Jenna smoothly pulled away.

‘Now that’s hot.’ Kyle seemed to have finally put his phone away. Alex rolled his eyes.

‘You’re such a dick.’ Alex said, Kyle grinned and stepped closer to swing his arm over Alex’s shoulder.

‘Oh come on, just because you’re not int-‘ Alex jammed his elbow into Kyle’s side. He coughed, gasped and then whined.

‘Ow, fucking hell, Alex.’ Alex ignored him and just threw him a sharp look. Sometimes Kyle had no filter at all. Alex sincerely hoped he wasn’t about to say what he though he was going to say. He felt relatively certain that Michael wouldn’t be a dick about the whole gay thing, he’d been comfortable enough complimenting Alex without feeling the need to go all “no homo”. There was a difference though, between Alex maybe telling him at some point, and Kyle just blurting something out in front of Michael and his sister.

‘Kyle, stop whining. Let’s get some food.’ Liz cut in. She took Alex’s hand and grabbed Michael with the other, she started leading them off the track. Alex wasn’t sure why she knew where she was going.

‘- so basically the settings just allow us to distribute the fuel differently mid-race. It’s pretty awesome.’ Michael said, grinning brightly. ‘Right Alex?’ Alex had ended up in the corner with Liz on one side and Michael on the other. They’d been speaking in tongues for the last ten minutes, as far as Alex was concerned at least.

‘Are you trying to make me look stupid?’ Alex asked, titling his head. Michael smiled at him, it was surprisingly fond.

‘I’m not _trying_, it’s just happening.’ He teased. ‘Nah, I’m kidding. It’s how you won in Austria, it gave you the extra pace you needed to catch the Mercedes.’

‘Look man, I just do whatever Tyler tells me to do.’ Alex tried to sound exasperated, but he didn’t quite get there, his smile got in the way.

‘That’s always a good thing, Tyler is a smart man.’

‘Yes he is, much smarter than me.’

‘You’re smart in another way. The things you can do with computers baffle me all the time.’ Liz said, softly bumping her fist against Alex’s shoulder. He waved her off.

‘Whatever. It’s not useful or anything.’

‘Uh, it was when my computer crashed on the day I had to turn in my thesis.’ Liz said, not letting him off easy. ‘I literally burst into tears.’ She said to Michael. ‘The morning of my deadline, I was _just_ about to hit print and it just completely crashed on me. So, I called Alex. He was on the other side of the world, it was 2am and he still managed to get my computer running again.’

‘Life saver, huh?’

‘Absolutely.’ Liz agreed with Michael.

‘I’m going to go grab another one of those cheesy things, anyone else want something?’ Michael got up, they’d ended up in the Silverstone cafeteria, unwilling to make their way into the town. Everyone replied with negatives. Michael headed out of earshot.

‘You like him.’ Liz’s voice was suddenly much closer and it scared the hell out of Alex. He whipped his head around to look at her.

‘What do you mean?’

‘I mean, you _like _him. I see the way you look at him Alex.’ Liz was smiling at him like she was happy for him. Like it didn’t feel like she’d just slapped him in the face. Like he wasn’t going over every single interaction he’d had with Michael over the last few months. Like he wasn’t wide eyed and shocked. Like he didn’t feel like everyone was looking at him. Like everyone suddenly _knew._ Like he wasn’t currently half way towards hyperventilating in the middle of this goddamn cafeteria.

Liz’s hand closed firmly around his.

‘Alex. Breathe.’

Rain on the roof of a trailer, the smell of fuel, just breathe, Maria’s eyerolls, Kyle’s snorts, Liz’s kind smiles. He was fine, totally fine.

‘You alright, Alex?’ Michael.

‘Yeah.’ He didn’t sound particularly fine, but Michael seemed to realize focussing attention on him was not the way to go right now. How did he do that? When did he start reading Alex like an open book?

‘So, about the aerodynamics-‘ Alex tuned Liz out as she jumped back into her conversation with Michael.

How had he not realized this before? He knew he liked Michael, he just hadn’t realized he _liked_ Michael. In retrospect it was almost obvious. He’d liked Michael before the whole Bad Day of Doom, he was sarcastic, funny, he played off Alex really well. He was handsome and surprisingly charming. Holy shit. He _liked _Michael Guerin. His teammate. Was he in a fucking soap opera right now?

He needed air.

‘I’m gonna head out for a second.’ Alex realized he interrupted Liz in the middle of a sentence, just a little too late. Whatever. He slipped out of his corner and headed to the door that opened to the smokers balcony. The air wasn’t as cool as he would have liked it to be, but it was better than in there. He set his elbows on the railing and let his head hang for a second.

Why couldn’t he just have a nice, calm season? Without dramatic crashes or engine issues or stupid Mercedes getting in the way of his dreams or him apparently falling in crush with his teammate. He just wanted to win the championship. Why couldn’t that be easy? When had he turned away an old lady during a storm and gotten cursed? Had he not invited an evil alien to a birthday party? Was he just bad luck personified? Okay, that was a little dramatic maybe, but by god did he not feel like the universe was against him sometimes.

What made all of it worse, was that there was no way Michael liked him back. Sure, the guy had made a few vaguely flirty comments, and he seemed to like Alex, but as a _friend_. He was too attractive to be interested in a guy like Alex, if he was interested in guys _at all_. Sure, he had turned out to be nice and attentive and he seemed to want to look out for Alex, even when he didn’t deserve it.

Why was he even thinking about this? None of this mattered. He wasn’t about to let _feelings_ get in the way of his racing. How stupid was he? God, he could almost hear his father yelling in the back of his mind. The race track was not a place for feelings. On the track, it was a matter of doing whatever necessary to win. And when you were scared, you put your foot on the gas because that was the only way to make progress. It had gotten him in plenty of trouble over the years, but it had also gotten him on the podium plenty of times.

‘To be honest, you don’t seem okay.’ Alex tensed as the last voice he wanted to hear right now sounded behind him. He sighed, willing his shoulders to relax.

‘I’ve got a lot on my mind.’ He said, looking out at the track, staring blankly at it.

‘You seemed fine this morning.’ Guerin was getting closer.

‘Yeah, well, I’m a pretty good actor.’ Alex said, trying to give off “leave me alone” vibes.

‘I don’t know, I can usually read you pretty well.’ Guerin said, he settled his elbows on the railing as well, a few feet away from Alex. ‘Was it something I said?’

‘Why does everything always have to be about you?’ Alex flinched at the harsh way his words came out. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.’ Michael laughed softly.

‘It’s alright, I could have just let it go.’ Michael glanced at him. ‘I don’t know, I guess I’m just worried about you when you go all spacey like that.’ Alex frowned in confusion. ‘You get this really blank look on your face, but your eyes look scared.’ Alex blinked at him, but Michael had turned back to overlook the track.

Alex didn’t really know what to say to that.

‘A bit like when you do that thing where you pretend you’re not lonely?’ Alex didn’t know where that came from. He wasn’t even really sure when he’d started noticing it. It was Michael’s turn now to look at him stupidly. ‘I’ve realized that the team is pretty much angled entirely towards me, they always look at me first. I remember how much that sucked in my first year when they used to do that with Long. You get the feeling no one really cares what happens to you.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Well, they do. They care, I mean.’ Alex sighed. ‘I know this has probably not been an easy start for you. I’ve known a lot of these people for a long time, even before I started racing for Red Bull and you’re the new kid.’

‘Yeah, sometimes I do feel like I’m just here because they have a second car, so they might as well put out a second driver.’ Michael wrung his hands together. ‘Recently though, I’ve definitely started to feel more like they care. Since _you_ started caring, I guess. I think more and more people at Red Bull are starting to realize I’m not Wyatt Long and that’s partially because of you.’

‘You deserve it though.’ Alex smiled carefully. ‘You’re _good_.’

‘It does all feel a little tricky when your teammate has known your boss since he was a kid and is best friends with his son, who’s supposed to be training both of you but he clearly likes your teammate more and sure he apologized and it felt pretty genuine, but you’re still not sure if you actually believe he’s going to do better and-‘

‘Are you going to breathe at some point, or not?’ Michael laughed at Alex’s interruption. ‘You’re right though, and I guess it’s easy to forget that stuff when you’re on the good side of it.’

‘Look, it’s just nice that you acknowledge it. I knew what I was getting into, especially when I lost my shit on that first testing day.’ Michael paused and seemed to weigh his options for a second. ‘My brother had been getting in my head that day. I love him, but we don’t always see eye to eye.’

‘Hm, yeah I get it.’

‘You have brothers right?’

‘Yeah, but I haven’t talked to them in years.’

‘Really?’ Michael’s eyes widened.

‘Yeah, I don’t really talk to my family at all.’ Alex’s casualness seemed to throw Michael off.

‘But, wasn’t your dad your manager for a while?’

‘Yeah, before Maria graduated, but after that I didn’t really want to see him anymore.’ It was like now that Alex had started talking, he couldn’t really stop.

‘Why not?’ The question was careful, like Michael knew there was a good chance this would be a step too far.

‘Having him around never made me better.’ It was true, it was also just a small part of all the bullshit that had lead to his decision, but it was true. ‘Mister Valenti agreed with me and he backed me up, otherwise my dad would never have accepted it.’

‘Family is complicated, right?’

‘Yeah, you can say that again.’ Alex smiled at him. They went quiet for a second.

‘Max, Isobel and I aren’t siblings by blood.’ Michael suddenly said into the silence. ‘We were adopted by the same family when we were young, but we’re not actually related.’

‘That doesn’t really matter though right? You and Isobel act like siblings, just like me and Kyle.’ Alex tilted his head. ‘He feels more like a brother than any of my “real” brothers.’

‘I get that. There’s just always a part of me that feels like they’re going to leave me one day.’ Michael snapped his mouth shut, like he hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

‘That if you’re not good enough, or nice enough, or the right kind of person, their love will go away?’

‘Yeah.’

‘I understand, to a degree.’

‘How?’ Alex only paused a second before replying.

‘I’m gay.’ Alex was pretty proud of how calm he sounded and how not panicked he felt. This would be okay. ‘And Kyle, Maria and Liz know, but there’s plenty of other people I consider friends around here and I’m terrified that they won’t look at me the same way if they find out.’

‘They’re the only ones that know, and yet you told me?’

‘It seemed like we were opening up to each other.’ Alex went for casual, but couldn’t quite hide the tension.

‘I appreciate you trusting me.’ Michael said sincerely. ‘I know that can’t be easy.’

‘I meant what I said at the press conference the other day. You _are_ a good friend.’ That seemed to really hit something for Michael.

‘It’s weird, I don’t think I’ve ever had proper friends before. I was always the weird kid obsessed with karting and cars, and I stuck with Is and Max. And then when I got into this world, I was the weird kid that didn’t have a parent or uncle or something, that had a history of racing. I came in late and all the others already knew each other and were friends and I didn’t make much of an effort to reach out.’

‘Well, you have friends now.’

‘Aren’t friends supposed to know certain things about each other?’ Michael asked, he’d relaxed his shoulders now.

‘Like what?’

‘What is your favourite movie?’ Michael asked, grinning at him. Alex laughed.

‘I think you should know that answer from the game we played at the beginning of the season, right?’ Alex teased.

‘Well you said your favourite movie was the Matrix, no one’s favourite movie is _actually_ the Matrix, people only say that when their real favourite movie is embarrassing.’ That was surprisingly accurate.

‘Alright, fine. My favourite movie is Lilo & Stitch.’ Alex admitted. He still remembered watching that movie with Liz for the first time and _sobbing_ at the end.

‘I’ve never seen it.’

‘_What?_’ Alex asked, horrified. ‘We are going to do something about that.’

‘The summer break is coming up.’ Michael shrugged.

‘Yes, after Germany, we’ll rectify this tragedy.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lilo & Stitch is the best, okay. I'm a twenty three year old and I cried watching it the other day. It's so WHOLESOME! And funny as hell! I'm sorry, I have emotions over this movie. 
> 
> Anyways, next, we're going to Germany, the last race before the summer break. 
> 
> Comments make me squeal with delight!


	11. Mama said, don’t give up, it’s a little complicated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the last race before the summer break and Formula One is in Germany. A very rainy Germany.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, alright! Here it is chapter 11! We're getting there now. 
> 
> Thank you all so much for your lovely comments and kudos and reblogs over on the Tumbles! I really didn't think I was ever going to write something as long as Treacherous again, but here I am, doing it all over again.

Things changed after that conversation. They actually started talking to each other. Learning things about each other that friends would know. The night after he’d had his talk with Michael, he’d woken up screaming and sweating, nightmares of Michael being disgusted by him and telling everyone and Alex being kicked to the curb haunted him. But, the next day, when nothing happened, and Michael still grinned at him and Alex didn’t feel that swoop of anxiety, he realized that was just his mind messing with him. He knew a bad person when he saw one, and Michael wasn’t one of those.

The rest of their weekend at Silverstone wasn’t very eventful. They came in fifth and sixth, the Ferraris (first and third) and Mercedes outpacing them, and their strategy just not quite working out. Alex refused to let it get to him. He was still in third in the championship, but the top three was close enough that there was a real chance that either of them could win it.

‘What’s your favourite song?’ Michael asked jogging up next to Alex, there was a slight drizzle and they were heading towards the mandatory driver’s meeting in Germany.

‘It changes every day.’ He said, matching Michael’s grin.

‘Alright, what’s it today?’

‘Hm. It feels like a Bon Jovi kind of weekend.’

‘I like it.’

‘What about you?’ Alex asked, pushing the door open and heading inside.

‘I guess there’s so much good music out there, I kind of agree with you, why choose just one?’ Michael shrugged. ‘But with the rain, I guess Livin’ on a Prayer is pretty fitting.’

‘You don’t like driving in rain?’ Alex asked. It did seem like they would have a wet race this weekend, if the predictions were to be believed.

‘I’m from the desert, of course I don’t like driving in rain. Do you?’

‘Yeah. It’s tricky, but fun.’ Alex shrugged. ‘On a wet Hockenheim, anything can happen.’

‘Well, yeah.’ Michael wrung his hands together. ‘It’s going to be my first wet race in Formula One. I guess I’m just a little nervous.’

‘I wouldn’t worry too much, Hockenheim is fun, lots of places to overtake. Just drive the race like it’s any other.’ Alex had driven on a wet track here his first year, it had been a chaotic race, but he’d had fun. He learned a lot and he’d gotten a podium finish. So he had fond memories of Germany in the rain.

‘I guess. You just always hear people talk, you know, that only the greats can win in the rain.’ Michael said, they’d arrived at the meeting room, but Alex paused in front of the door.

‘That’s only because they don’t let silly shit like that get in their heads.’ Alex said before pushing the door open and heading inside.

‘How about your favourite tv show of all time?’ Alex asked as they ran into each other the morning of qualifying. Yesterday during FP2 Alex’s car had had some turbo issues, but Mister Valenti had assured him the mechanics would have it figured out by qualifying, so he felt pretty good about today.

‘Oh man, well, I’m really into Brooklyn Nine-Nine right now.’ Michael said, glancing over the shoulder of his lead engineer, who was checking the forecast.

‘That _is_ a good show.’ Alex agreed.

‘Favourite animal?’ Michael asked, seemingly having decided that the forecast wasn’t going to change, even if he stared at it really hard.

‘Oh, clouded leopards.’

‘Wow, you just had that one ready, huh?’

‘Well yeah. Have you seen them, they’re fucking adorable.’ Alex said, as they stepped out from under the cover of the garages and crossed the pitlane to hop up onto the race control area. A light drizzle was still falling from the sky, it had been raining on and off pretty much since they’d arrived.

‘What are you two talking about?’ Maria frowned, Alex wasn’t sure what she was doing at this part of the track exactly, but Maria worked in mysterious ways, Alex learned not to question her.

‘Alex’s favourite animal.’ Michael shrugged. Maria tilted her head and then made an approving face.

‘Cool. What’s your favourite animal, Michael?’

‘Blue whales. Those things are fucking epic. Did you know they can grow up to 98 feet?’ Michael said with a grin, setting his elbows on the barrier.

‘Blue whales are really cool.’ Maria agreed. ‘But my favourite animals are African wild dogs, they have those adorable big ears. Ugh, I love them.’

‘You know, this is great. I feel like we’re back in kindergarten.’ Alex said, setting a hand on his heart.

‘Back when life was simple.’ Maria sighed fondly.

‘When was life simple?’ Kyle came walking towards them with Isobel at his side. That wasn’t a combination Alex had really been expecting. Isobel hadn’t really warmed up to Kyle yet.

‘In kindergarten.’ Alex said, Kyle made a understanding noise.

‘Oh yeah, totally. How exactly did you end up on that conclusion?’

‘Michael and I were talking about our favourite animals.’ Alex shrugged, like it wasn’t just a little odd for two grown men (eh) to be talking about their favourite animals.

‘Oh, mine are chimpanzees.’ Kyle grinned.

‘Aw, I assume they make you feel at home?’ Michael suggested with a smirk.

‘Are you saying I’m like a chimp?’ Kyle asked, eyes narrowed slightly.

‘I thought that was kind of obvious?’

‘Well, I mean, you do really love bananas.’ Alex shrugged, and Kyle threw him a betrayed look. He didn’t feel all that bad. Michael turned at him with a grin.

‘Oh yes. Please, tell me more.’

‘Well his dad used to call him-‘ Kyle lunged for Alex, but he’d known him longer than today so he dodged him, that did send him straight into Maria, who wobbled and toppled into Michael. They ended up as a mess of tangled limbs and complaints, Isobel looking on with her arms crossed and a deep sigh.

‘Ow, K, get your elbow out of my face.’

‘Then don’t tell people embarrassing things about me.’

‘You’re one to talk.’ Alex argued as he straightened up. ‘You live to embarrass me.’

‘So, I’m older, that’s my job.’

‘That is such bullshit.’ Alex tried to shrug his jacket back on properly where Kyle had yanked at it. ‘God dammit K, I like this jacket.’

‘Don’t be such a baby. It’s fine.’ Alex was about to snap something back when he realized the others had gone silent and were staring at them. Maria didn’t look that surprised and neither did Michael, but Isobel certainly did.

‘Wow, how old were you two again? You’re like Michael and Max ten years ago.’

‘We’re still like that sometimes.’ Michael mumbled.

‘Boys will be boys?’ Maria said with a questioning shrug, Isobel titled her head.

‘This is the only scenario in which I will accept that sentence.’

‘You’re telling me, that I’m going to have to start all the way at the back of the grid, because I couldn’t set a time in qualifying? And the reason I couldn’t set a time in qualifying is because of an issue you knew about _yesterday_? An issue you _assured_ me would be fixed today?’ Alex was trying really hard not to lose his temper. Mister Valenti had his arms crossed.

He’d been out for qualifying, ready to set a good time, but as he was getting ready to make a run in Q1, he’d noticed the same turbo problem he’d had the day before. So he’d radioed in and they’d brought him into the garage. He’d hoped it was a quick fix, but it turned out that wasn’t the case. Now, just after qualifying had officially ended, they were telling him this.

‘We’re sorry, Alex. We thought it was fixed.’ Tyler said, he looked apprehensive. Alex clenched his jaw.

‘It’s okay. I know you did your best.’ He didn’t sound that reassuring, but at least he’d tried.

‘I will oversee the repairs personally.’ Karl assured him. He set a hand on Alex’s shoulder. ‘The car will be good tomorrow.’ Karl patted his shoulder and headed over to the car.

‘Thank you.’ Alex said, still not quite getting the tone right, but again, he was trying. Tyler nodded awkwardly and slipped away. That just left Alex and mister Valenti.

‘Look Alex, I know this is not ideal, but you need to keep your cool.’

‘I am.’ Alex said firmly. ‘I’m as cool as I can be right now.’ Mister Valenti looked at him uncertainly, but then glanced over Alex’s shoulder and his face tightened. Alex followed his look, Michael was approaching.

‘Bad news?’ He asked, seemingly unaware of the tension.

‘Yeah. Starting position twenty for me.’ Michael made a face.

‘A shit.’ He smiled carefully. ‘Well, you did say it was a Bon Jovi kind of weekend.’ Alex frowned, confused.

‘What?’

‘You live for the fight when that’s all that you’ve got?’ Michael quoted. Alex stared at him for a second and then huffed out a laugh.

‘Yeah, I guess so.’

‘And there’s a lot of spots to overtake here, you love overtaking.’ Michael grinned, encouraged by Alex’s smile. ‘You’re going to have so much fun!’ Alex rolled his eyes, but couldn’t hide his smile for the full effect.

‘I guess so. Where are you starting?’

‘First row.’ Alex refused to be annoyed with that.

‘Well, than I’ve got 67 laps to catch up with you, huh?’ Alex said, taking a deep breath and smiling at him. Michael grinned back.

‘Oh I’ll be ready for you.’

It was kind of a strange sensation, not wanting so rip something apart after bad news like this. He was expecting to have to go to his trailer and fight the urge to punch a wall, but in a few simple words, Michael had calmed him right down.

As Alex walked to his trailer, Kyle came running after him.

‘Alex!’ He stopped and waited for him to catch up. ‘Are you okay?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Because you’re going to be fine, I know it. You’ve got this! They’re going to fix it in time and- wait, did you say you were okay?’ Kyle interrupted himself.

‘Yeah, I’m good.’ Kyle looked at him closely for a second.

‘Huh, you _are,_ aren’t you?’

‘Yeah, that’s what I just said.’

‘Oh, okay.’ Kyle still looked a little suspicious, but he accepted Alex’s assurances.

Formula One races in the rain were generally entertaining for the audience. There was a lot of action, spins and crashes. Starting all the way in the back was most certainly not ideal, but if there was ever a race in which there was a good chance Alex could get back up into the points, if not a podium, this would be it.

He took it a little easy on the start, letting his tires find their grip on the wet surface, and making sure not to get caught between the slower cars around him. That didn’t mean he didn’t push it on the first lap. He absolutely did. He’d moved up six places by the end of lap one. Oh yes, now that the issues were fixed, the car felt great. They had made the right decision going with these tires.

After that it was a steady mix of Alex weaving his way through the field. He was keeping close enough to the front runners because of the _four_ necessary safety cars slowing down the field and because both Ferraris crashed on the same corner (turn 16 was like a fucking slip and slide), only a lap apart, Alex actually made his way back into the top three. Into second, to be precise, with the one remaining Mercedes now behind him.

The only car in front of him? Michael. Alex knew he wasn’t going to catch Michael, he had fresher tires and a good ten second lead on Alex, plus his pace was better this weekend. However, the Mercedes behind him could make a good run on his teammate.

‘_Hold him as long as you can, Alex_.’ It was mister Valenti that radioed it in. Alex would have rolled his eyes but he was a little busy not crashing his car. It was a good thing that the pack had been stretched out and that Alex had some clear road in front of him because the visibility was shit.

‘Got it.’

Alex wasn’t going to win today. He was okay with that. Getting back onto the podium after starting in 20th was pretty good, and he’d take it for the day. But, if he wasn’t going to win, it would have to be Michael. Which meant, keeping the Mercedes behind him for at least another two laps. That would give Michael enough of a lead that the Mercedes wouldn’t be able to catch up in the laps left. Challenge accepted.

His defending wasn’t _that _aggressive. Alex sure as hell didn’t think it was worth penalizing, but then again, when did he ever think something he did was worth a penalty? Anyways, his defending was fine, he held off the Mercedes attacks for four laps (he may have pushed him wide a few times to make that happen) but he didn’t cause a crash or anything. Plus, the Mercedes went off the track at turn 16 _twice_ and those were definitely not Alex’s fault.

In the end, he even managed to hold on to second place. The Mercedes seemed to want to just go for the points and not risk getting a DNF, like his teammate had, so he backed off a little. Alex also thought he may have been counting on Alex getting a penalty. With a five second penalty, Alex would have been moved down to third.

Michael won the race. His first win, on a wet, chaotic Hockenheim. One to remember.

‘Second place? Holy shit Alex.’

‘First place? Holy shit Michael.’ Alex parroted back at him as he pulled Michael close for a hug. He pulled back and grinned at him. ‘Congrats. The first of many, just not too many.’ Alex winked before gesturing for Michael to got to their mechanics first. He elbowed Alex softly, but he did take the lead and hollered as the mechanics caught him and pulled him over the barrier so they could hug him properly. Alex laughed, leaning against the barrier next to Tyler who squeezed his shoulder.

‘Nice driving, Alex. Second in the championship now.’

‘Almost to where we need to be.’ Alex said, watching as Michael got hugs aplenty and enough congratulatory pats to last a lifetime.

‘I’m surprised they didn’t give you a penalty for that move in turn four.’ Tyler said, and when Alex looked at him he had a stern look on his face.

‘It wasn’t that bad.’

‘You pushed it harder than I was expecting you to.’

‘It got me second place.’ Alex shrugged.

‘Alex!’ One of the other mechanics spotted him and soon Alex was also being hugged from all sides.

‘Alright, alright.’ Alex laughed. ‘We need to get to the podium.’

Hugs covered in champagne weren’t comfortable, especially when you were starting to feel cold now and there was bubbly liquid up your nose. He wasn’t sure how they ended up alone in this room without any camera’s and with race footage playing on a big television, but here they were. Michael had yet to let go of his trophy, the shiny gold drawing Alex’s eye every time he moved. Alex was standing with his back against the wall, trying to ride out the adrenaline. The silence wasn’t really uncomfortable, they were just caught up in their post-race calm-the-fuck-down ritual. Jenna would probably come hunt them down soon, they hadn’t done any interviews yet. Michael had been watching the replays being shown on the screen intently, Alex was a little busy trying not to make it super obvious he felt like bouncing out of his skin.

He didn’t think getting second place had felt _this_ good in a long time.

‘Did you risk championship points, to get me the win?’ The question startled Alex. ‘You could have gotten a penalty, lost your second place, maybe even your podium finish.’

‘I did it for me, the difference between first and second in points is pretty big. Him getting 18 points instead of 25 would have been much better for my standings, now he only got 15, even better for me.’ Alex tried to reason it away. ‘I wasn’t going to win anyways.’ Michael watched him closely, his body now fully turned away from the screen.

‘I don’t believe you.’ He stepped closer and Alex straightened up a little. ‘I think that was part of it, but I think you also did it for me.’ Alex swallowed, he wanted to step back, but he had nowhere to go.

‘Well, I did it for me, for the team… and for you.’ He said carefully. A smile slowly spread over Michael’s face. Alex heard his breath catch. He was too close. Was he- was he leaning in? Oh god, he was leaning in.

‘Can I-‘

‘Alright gentlemen.’ The door flew open and Michael _leapt_ back. Jenna. ‘I’ve got a Sky Sports news crew that wants to talk to you.’ Alex startled into motion.

‘Yeah.’ He cleared his throat. ‘Interviews, fun.’ He sounded off, clearly, because Jenna frowned at him.

‘You alright Alex?’

‘What, me? Yeah. No, I’m fine, absolutely fine.’ He babbled, following her from the room, ignoring the heat in his cheeks. ‘Don’t worry about me, I’m great.’ Stop talking Alex. He snapped his mouth shut.

‘Right.’ Jenna said slowly.

The interview was fine. Michael got asked about his first win, Alex about his comeback all the way from twentieth. They got asked about the rain and about the championship. Alex smiled and answered and didn’t give into the urge to run away. When they’d done all their interviews and Jenna released them from her iron grip, Alex wanted to run like hell. However, they ran into Kyle.

‘Hey guys, congrats!’ He hugged Alex first, but then stepped back and hugged Michael too. He looked confused and awkward, but he patted Kyle on the back. As much as Alex wanted to just get on a plane and go, the scene made him grin. ‘First win.’ Kyle was trying really hard to be nice, softly hitting Michael with a fist to his upper arm. Alex could feel the awkwardness creep over his skin. He tried to hide it from Michael but he motioned his hand in front of his throat. _Stop_. He mouthed at Kyle.

‘Thanks.’ Michael sounded like he wanted to throw himself off a bridge.

‘So,’ Alex started after a truly awkward silence. ‘where are you heading for summer break, Michael?’

‘I’m going home to New Mexico for a week, and after that, I’m not sure yet. Are you going home?’ Michael seemed to take the opportunity to get away from the awkward silence with both hands.

‘Yeah.’ Alex nodded.

‘Maybe we’ll take the same plane.’ Michael said with a tentative smile.

‘Oh, no.’ Michael frowned, confused. ‘I’m not going to the US, I’ve got a house near Barcelona. I’m going to head there.’ Alex hesitated. ‘So if you end up around that area, just uh, drop by, if you’d like. If you don’t that’s fine, of course, not a problem-‘

‘Okay, I’ve never been to Spain just for fun, might be good.’ Michael said, smiling hesitantly.

‘Oh, okay.’ Alex nodded. God, this was awkward. Kyle was looking confused and uncomfortable. This was going _great._ ‘Just, uh, text me or something.’

‘Yeah, okay.’ Michael swallowed, smiled and waved, heading towards Isobel who was looking at them with narrowed eyes.

‘What just happened?’ Kyle asked as Isobel and Michael disappeared around the corner.

‘To be honest. I’m not sure.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clouded leopards are the cutest things ever! I freaking love them! I love all big cats, and wild dogs and whales and dolphins and sea turtles and wolves and- well, I love animals a lot... Sorry, okay. Yeah so, next, the boys take a break from F1, and we're celebrating Alex's birthday. Is Michael actually going to show up in Barcelona? Was he really about to kiss Alex? Can Kyle get any more awkward? Who knows? (I do)
> 
> Comments make me squeal with delight!


	12. All tied up, no more love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex was planning on spending his birthday alone in his house, watching Netflix and eating pizza, but someone shows up at his door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I woke up today with "Whataya want from me" by Adam Lambert in my head without any sort of explanation as to why. I'm not sure why I'm telling you this. 
> 
> Anyways, I was super excited to write this chapter, and then I realized this chapter was actually also really difficult to write, so yeah, I don't know what that means either. 
> 
> I don't know much today. 
> 
> I'm very tired. 
> 
> Thank you so much for your continued support!

He imagined it. He’d totally imagined it. Michael had just been teasing him or something. Just messing around. There was no way he’d actually been trying to kiss Alex. He’d replayed the moment over and over and over again in his head, and while a part of him said that Michael wouldn’t tease him, not like that, and that his eyes hadn’t looked like he was teasing, the rational part of him argued it simply couldn’t be true. Alex wasn’t that lucky.

He’d never made a big deal out of his birthday. When his mom had still been around, birthdays had been one of the few days a year that his dad allowed them some breathing room, but after his mom left, that disappeared too, and Alex had learned to treat it like just another day. It didn’t even really matter. He was a year older now. 21, just like Michael. He’d realized yesterday that he’d missed Michael’s birthday. It had been during the time they didn’t speak to each other yet, still, he felt a little guilty. He vaguely remembered the team doing something for him, but Alex hadn’t participated. He wasn’t sure if Michael loved birthdays but generally turning twenty one was a big deal for people.

But today was August 15th, the day that Alex would be allowed to drink everywhere, even in the US. Usually he’d just stay home all day, ignore everyone and everything and watch Netflix until Maria, Kyle and Liz forced their way into his house and dragged him out for dinner. But Liz had called him the day before, that she was swamped in work and barely had time to sleep, let alone fly to Europe. He told her he didn’t mind. Kyle had planned on being there, but his flight got delayed and delayed and then cancelled because of inclement weather. He told him he didn’t mind. Maria had also said she’d be there, but her mother had taken a turn for the worst, and Alex had told her not to worry about him, he didn’t mind.

The house wasn’t _huge_, he didn’t need it, but it had enough space that the three musketeers could stay there if they wanted to. It was mostly open plan, lots of glass, allowing the Spanish sun to light the house. It had been expensive, but what else was Alex supposed to do with his money? The best thing to do had seemed to be to get the hell away from New Mexico. He still went there, during the off season, but for one week only, so he mostly spend any time they had off here. Spain had been an easy choice. He spoke the language, he liked sunshine and it was far away from Ros-hell, New Mexico.

Laying on his ridiculously comfortable couch shirtless and in sweatpants, watching old episodes of Brooklyn Nine-Nine was pretty close to his perfect day, especially since he was ordering pizza later (it was his birthday, he was allowed to). He really wasn’t expecting anyone, that’s why it took him a second to identify the annoying loud sound as his doorbell.

‘What the hell?’ He mumbled to himself, he got up and searched around for a shirt, he found an old, super soft grey one on a chair, that would do. He slipped it on as he headed for the door, bare feet making soft sounds on the wooden floor. When he opened the door he was expecting several things: A salesperson, a lost girl scout or maybe the grim reaper, what he wasn’t expecting was a nervous looking Michael with a bag on his shoulder.

‘Hey Alex.’ Michael said, wringing his hands together.

‘Uh, hey Michael.’ Alex said, his hand still on the door. He paused. ‘Come in?’

‘Thanks, I’m glad I got the right place and Liz didn’t send me to the wrong address just to mess with me.’ Michael said, stepping inside as Alex opened the door further and then closed it behind them. Ah, that explained how he knew where Alex lived. He heard the zipper of the bag as he locked the door. ‘Happy birthday.’ He turned around to find Michael holding a package in his hands, a nervous smile on his face. Alex blinked at him, probably too long because Michael’s smile faltered.

‘Thank you.’ Alex stumbled forward. ‘You shouldn’t have.’

‘I know, but I wanted to.’ Michael smiled softly. ‘I asked Liz if they were doing anything for your birthday, and then she told me they would all be here. I was going to surprise you _with_ them, but they all bailed. I thought about not coming either, but I didn’t want you to be alone on your 21st.’ Alex was still blinking stupidly at him when Michael pushed the gift forward a little further.

‘I had no idea.’ Alex said softly. ‘They didn’t tell me anything.’

‘I asked them not to. I figured that if I freaked out I could still leave and you’d never have known about it.’ Michael shrugged, grinning. Alex laughed.

‘Good call.’ Alex said. ‘Let’s head to the living room, do you want something to drink?’

‘Yeah some water would be good.’ Michael said as he wandered into the living room. Alex headed into the kitchen. He pulled his phone from his pocket and texted Liz.

_You gave Michael my address?!_

He grabbed two glasses and filled them with water, trying to keep himself calm. His phone buzzed.

Liz Ortecho: _Ah, so he showed up huh? Happy birthday, Alex ;)_

‘God fucking dammit, Liz.’ Alex whispered. He took a deep breath and headed back towards the living room. Michael was standing near the couch, looking uncomfortable. He’d put his bag down next to the couch, and he was still holding the gift in his hands. Okay Alex, you can do this. ‘You can sit down, my couch is real comfortable.’

‘It _looks_ comfortable.’ Michael seemed to take an breath much like the one Alex had taken in the kitchen. Alex moved around him and set the glasses on the coffee table, he didn’t use coasters because fuck it, Maria wasn’t there, she couldn’t scoff at him for it. He was a real rebel like that. He flopped back down onto the couch, not quite lounging on it like he had been, but making it clear he was going to do his absolute best not to make this any more uncomfortable than it needed to be.

‘So, what have you been up to?’ Alex asked, folding his leg underneath himself so he could turn to face Michael. He finally sat down, sinking into the cushions just like they invited you to, he looked more relaxed immediately.

‘Are you really going to just let me hold this for the rest of the day, or what?’ Michael wiggled the package wrapped in purple around a little. Alex rolled his eyes.

‘I can’t believe you got me a present.’ It was supposed to sound teasing, but it came out much more fond than anything.

‘Well, I asked Liz, but she was pretty useless. I had to come up with something myself. It’s pretty silly, you can laugh.’ Michael seemed to want to lower Alex’s expectations as much as possible before handing him the gift. It was soft and somewhat rectangular.

‘Okay.’ Alex dragged out the word, smiling as he flipped it over and got rid of the wrapping paper. Underneath he found a soft blue-ish thing. It wasn’t until he flipped it over that he realized what it was. Michael had gotten him a stuffed animal. Stitch, to be precise. Alex didn’t know what to say. The little creature always made him feel so much. He didn’t remember the last time he’d even held a stuffed animal.

‘It’s silly, I know, I just remembered you said it was your favourite movie and I didn’t know what to get you, and then I saw him and I figured he was cute, but thinking about it now, getting someone a stuffed animal for their twenty first is probably really lame, I should just have gotten you a bottle of tequila or something, I-‘

‘Thank you.’ Alex hated the way his voice wobbled, but the way Michael stuttered to a halt made him feel less awful about it. ‘I love it.’

‘You don’t have to say that just because you don’t want me to feel bad.’

‘That’s not why I’m saying it. I love it.’ Alex repeated with a little more force this time. ‘I uh,’ Alex stopped, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to continue that sentence. Michael seemed to sense that and he waited patiently. Alex swallowed away some of the emotions bubbling up. ‘I didn’t really have any of these when I was a kid. My dad thought that they’d make me too “soft”.’ Alex was happy he hadn’t actually paused the TV, so instead of a long silence, there was actually Captain Holt lecturing Jake and Amy in the background.

‘That’s fucked up.’ Michael said with a frown. ‘How can a stuffed animal make you soft?’ Alex shrugged.

‘I don’t know, my dad has some weird idea’s about parenting.’

‘Yeah, I’m starting to get that.’ Michael was playing with a scrap of wrapping paper. ‘I had a foster parent like that.’

‘I thought you were adopted?’ Alex asked, stroking his hand absentmindedly over the soft surface of Stitch’s head.

‘Yeah, but I stayed in a few foster homes before I ended up with the Evans family. One of them was convinced I was the Devil incarnate.’ He looked away from Alex, his eyes settled on the TV, but Alex was convinced he had no idea what was on there. Alex understood the implications of that statement all too well.

‘My dad left me alone at an airport once.’ Michael’s head snapped back to him.

‘What?’

‘It was back in my carting days. I can’t have been much older than eleven. I didn’t get the result he wanted me to, and he was _so_ mad we’d flown all the way across the country only for me to screw it up… so he left me alone at the airport.’

‘Isn’t that something like, I don’t know, child endangerment?’

‘Well, he told the airport personnel that he’d lost me in the crowd, and I was too scared to say anything. He can be a good actor when he wants to be.’ Alex shrugged. ‘He didn’t actually get on a plane and leave me alone on the other side of the country, he just had me believe he did.’

‘You could have gotten kidnapped or something, what a crazy bastard.’ Michael said, crumbling the wrapping paper in his fist.

‘Yeah, that sounds about right.’

‘It’s so bizarre. I’ve seen the guy in interviews and I never liked him or anything, but I never thought he was batshit insane like that. No wonder you bought a house on the other side of the world.’ Michael mumbled the last sentence.

‘Yeah, like I said, he’s a good actor.’

‘I’ve still got the scars from that one foster parent.’ Alex watched Michael carefully as his eyes darted back to the TV and stayed there. ‘Exorcisms hurt.’

‘Jesus Christ.’ Alex said softly.

‘Yeah, he was mentioned a lot.’ It wasn’t funny. It really wasn’t. And yet when Michael glanced at him nervously, sparkle in his eyes, Alex couldn’t help but laugh. Michael grinned.

‘It’s not funny.’ Alex giggled.

‘I know, but it’s kind of funny.’ Michael made a face, and another wave of giggles overwhelmed Alex’s attempts at getting himself under control.

‘Wow. Red Bull sure knows how to pick them, huh?’ Alex said.

‘Yeah, I guess so. Maybe it’s like being a superhero.’ Michael tossed the now balled up paper onto the table, and leaned over to take a sip of water. ‘A tragic backstory is required.’ Had his hair always looked this golden or was that just the Spanish sun?

Wait, hold up.

‘Ah man, if only there was a superpower to magically make us go faster on the track.’ Alex forced himself back to the conversation currently happening.

‘There is, it’s called driving a Mercedes.’ Michael said with a grin. Alex laughed.

‘Oh man, can you imagine how simple life would be?’ Alex mused. ‘If they put me in a Mercedes I’d never lose.’ He grinned, faking cockiness.

‘If they had put you in a Mercedes you would have been World Champion at eighteen.’

‘Nah, I was too much of a loose cannon at eighteen. I would have _wrecked_ that car.’ Alex said. He did really believe that. At seventeen/eighteen, all he wanted to do was win, no matter who he had to go through to get there (partially fuelled by the ever narrowed eyes of his father). He’d needed a few years to get himself under control on the track. It still wasn’t perfect (example: the GP of Spain), but it was better, much better.

‘Ah, I don’t know.’ Michael smiled at him. God, why did he have to look so fond and soft?

‘Thank you.’ Alex said suddenly.

‘For what?’

‘Showing up, the gift, not making me feel weird about my fucked up relationship with my family.’

‘You can’t choose the family you’re born into, but you can choose the one you surround yourself with.’ Michael shifted on the couch. ‘I think you’ve done a pretty good job of that.’

‘Even Kyle?’

‘He’s good to you.’

‘So are you.’ Oh fuck, what? Goddammit Alex. Michael blinked at him. ‘I mean, you seem to read me so well, and you always seem to know what I need and you give me thoughtful shit like this and-‘

‘That’s really nice of you.’

‘What were you going to ask me, in Germany?’ Alex asked. Something about the way Michael was looking at him, made that particular question nag in the back of his mind. Something in his eyes made Alex feel like the rational part of him, may have been too rational.

‘I um,’ Michael stopped, took a deep breath and looked Alex in the eyes. ‘Can I kiss you?’ Alex froze, probably for too long. But instead of fidgeting and looking away, Michael held steady. Those warm eyes looking at him.

‘That _was _what you were trying to say in Germany?’ Alex was furious at his brain for ignoring the obvious “yes!” and actually asking a question. Michael let out a huff of a breath.

‘Yeah.’ He said, pulling his bottom lip into his mouth, only drawing Alex’s eyes there.

‘Yes.’

‘Yes?’

‘Yes.’ Alex said more insistently. ‘Get over here, asshole.’

‘I love it when you talk sweet to me.’ Michael said, but he was grinning so wide Alex had trouble focussing on anything but his face as he leant in. Holy shit. Was he really about to do this? Break every single rule he had?

Who even made those rules anyways?

He hadn’t allowed himself to imagine what it would be like to kiss Michael, but even if he had, there was no way his brain would have been able to come close. The first kiss was somewhat tentative. Searching. His mouth was soft and warm and Alex wanted to drown himself in this feeling. Michael went to lean back, but Alex wasn’t done yet. He’d had a taste, and he was nothing if not greedy.

He slipped his hand into Michael’s hair and pulled him back towards him. God, his hair was soft too. He brought their mouths back together, more insistent this time. He could feel Michael’s pulse under his thumb as it brushed the spot behind Michael’s ear. His shoulder was at a weird angle like this, so he set a hand on Michael’s shoulder to steady himself and swung his leg over his jean-clad ones. Michael’s eyes fluttered open.

‘Jesus Christ.’ Michael breathed into the minimal space between them.

‘No, just me.’ Alex mumbled. Michael’s hands were resting on his thighs, a little too high to be innocent. Alex stayed close, and slid his hand down Michael’s chest and back up, feeling the way Michael shifted under him.

He seemed to lose his patience quickly.

‘C’mere.’ Michael grabbed the front of Alex’s shirt and pulled him back into a kiss. He nipped at Alex’s bottom lip. The twinge followed by the softness of Michael’s lips and tongue made Alex feel dizzy. They stayed like that, just figuring out what made the other tick.

Alex discovered Michael would groan deep in his throat whenever Alex pulled his hair _just_ right. Michael discovered that kissing Alex’s neck made him weak in the knees. Alex figured out that Michael would shudder when Alex would do that _thing_ with his tongue. Michael found out he could turn Alex into putty by nipping at his bottom lip.

They only stopped when someone on the TV got shot and Alex startled, knocking his head against Michael’s. After that, they were laughing too hard to do much else but splay out on the couch and wait for the giggles to pass.

Once they’d quieted down, the room fell into silence. This was normally the part where Alex’s brain would realize what he’d just done, and freak out. But the feeling of panic didn’t come. He just felt quiet. Calm in a way he couldn’t remember feeling in a long time. It was like the world as he’d always known it had been lifted off its axis and had been resettled about a foot counter clockwise. Like something fundamental had shifted in the universe. It was terrifying, and yet, Alex didn’t feel all that scared.

‘So, uh, that’s a thing we did.’ Michael broke the silence.

‘Yeah. That was nice.’

‘Nice?’ Michael titled his head awkwardly to look at Alex. He looked much more relaxed now, splayed out on the couch, hair a mess, cheeks still a little pink. He was gorgeous. ‘Just nice?’ Alex rolled his eyes.

‘Great, awesome, A+, first place, wonderful, stupendous, superb, stunning, fantastic, amazing, brilliant, magnificent, terrific, cosmic-‘

‘Oh I like that one. Cosmic.’ Michael finally interrupted Alex’s vocabulary test. Alex chuckled.

‘So this is a thing we do now?’ Alex asked, not feeling nearly as much anxiety over that question as he’d expected. This didn’t feel like something either of them was throwing themselves into without thought.

‘Well, I wasn’t really finished, but _someone_ had to headbutt me.’

‘Hey, that was totally Peralta’s fault.’ Alex argued. ‘And, well, I don’t have anywhere to be.’ Michael looked at him, smiling softly.

‘Neither do I.’

‘Good.’ Alex felt like he could breathe a little easier. Was one kiss supposed to make him feel this good? ‘I was thinking, we should watch a movie or two, order pizza and just… hang out.’

‘Netflix and chill?’ Michael smirked at him. Alex rolled his eyes.

‘Well, more like DVD’s, pizza and then maybe some chilling.’ Alex pushed himself up and started getting the TV ready for the first movie.

‘I can live with that.’ He could hear Michael shift behind him. ‘So, Lilo & Stitch first?’

‘You gave me a Stitch plushie, hell yes we’re watching that first.’ Alex plucked the DVD from his small collection. ‘How did you even know what he looked like?’

‘I have never seen the movie, I haven’t lived under a rock. I know that there’s an adorable little monster, and a blue alien.’ Alex laughed at Michael’s description of Lilo, which was surprisingly accurate. Once he’d inserted the disk and grabbed the remote he turned back to the couch. Michael was reclined on the couch comfortably, he’d taken off his shoes and set his feet on the coffee table. When he looked up at Alex he looked so soft and warm and _at home_, Alex wanted to live in that feeling. Michael patted the couch right next to him.

‘I hope you like to cuddle, because I’m a cuddler.’

‘I- I don’t think that’s a word.’

‘It is now.’ Alex sighed, but he flopped onto the couch next to Michael, who draped his arm over Alex’s shoulders, making Alex sink further into the cushions. He shifted a little until he was comfortable and didn’t feel like he’d never be able to get the kinks from his back again.

‘Ready?’

‘Oh yeah, make me cry.’

And cry they did.

‘_This is my family. I found it all on my own. It’s little and broken, but still good. Yeah, still good._’ Alex sniffled as the little blue alien on the screen delivered the movie’s most soul-punching line.

‘Oh my god.’ Michael whispered wetly next to him. ‘How could anyone ever hate this?’

‘Anyone who hates this is a psychopath.’ Alex wiped an escaped tear off his cheek.

‘Oh man.’ Michael buried his face in his hands and took a deep breath. ‘That line _got_ _me_.’

‘It’s the one that _always_ gets me.’ Alex said, turning his head to watch Michael. He looked adorable. Somewhere along the line, the Stitch plushie had ended up squished between them, and Michael was now petting it’s little arm with two fingers. He looked so much more comfortable than was reasonable after being here for maybe three hours.

It was all so much, so quickly, and yet the fear still didn’t come.

‘You’re staring at me.’

‘I know.’ Alex said. ‘The view is really nice.’ Michael rolled his eyes and looked at Alex pointedly.

‘Same.’ Alex didn’t think his view could compare, but that was okay.

‘Pizza?’ Alex suggested.

‘Yeah, pizza, and then bed.’ Michael said, smirk firmly back on his face. Alex played stupid.

‘It’s like, seven.’

‘I wasn’t really planning on sleeping, yet.’

‘Are you propositioning me?’

‘I’m just saying, you have a beautiful house, with what I assume is going to be a beautiful bedroom, I’d like to spend some time in it.’ Alex bit his lip, trying to stop himself from smiling.

‘What makes you think I won’t have you stay in the guest room? Am I that easy?’ Alex didn’t mean for the seductive tone to slip into his voice, but there it fucking was.

‘I really don’t care what room I stay in, as long as you’re there too.’ That was actually really fucking sweet.

‘Well, my view is pretty spectacular in the morning. Having you there could only make it better, right?’ He supposed he should answer sweetness with sweetness.

‘If I didn’t want pizza so bad, it’d tell you to show it to me now, but I haven’t had pizza in _months_, and I really want it.’ Alex laughed as Michael seemed to salivate at the _thought_ of pizza alone.

‘Alright, let’s order some pizza, pretend to watch another movie and maybe make out like teenagers?’

‘Hell yes.’

They would need to talk about what exactly _this_ was at some point, but for right now? It was still his birthday and it was, by far, the best he’d ever had. And it wasn’t even over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there ya go. I didn't leave you hanging for long with the almost kiss!  
It's not going to all be easy from this point forward, but I thought it was really important to make sure that Alex realized this is a good thing. That his thing with Michael is, at it's core, good and warm and it scares him, but it /doesn't/ scare him, if that makes sense.


	13. I’d hate to see you waiting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What is it with people showing up unannounced at Alex's door? In the run up to the Belgian Grand Prix, Alex has some explaining to do, and the boys have some stuff to figure out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty, back again for chapter 13! I can't believe I'm so far into it already! 
> 
> Thank you all so much for your sweet comments on the last chapter, they made me really happy!

Alex learned a lot about Michael over the next three days.

1: He slept splayed out, limbs all over the bed, that wasn’t a problem because Alex tended to sleep curled into a little ball.

2: He ate so much, Alex wondered how he wasn’t two hundred pounds heavier.

3: He mumbled in his sleep sometimes.

4: He _loved_ Disney movies (including Lilo & Stitch) because they had a happy ending.

And finally: He was like a goddamn furnace.

Alex had always loved mornings in his house. The sun would bathe the rooms in a warm yellow glow, he would wake up slowly, dozing in bed for a while before finally convincing himself to get up. The big, walk-in shower was a part of it too. As they’d discovered, it was big enough for two.

‘Why is there someone knocking at your door right now?’ Michael mumbled into his pillow. He looked like a piece of art like this. The sun making him look gold all over, muscles of his back moving lazily as he shifted around. Curls messy and eyes half-closed.

‘I don’t know. I’ll go check.’ Alex sighed as he rolled out of bed, finding some sweatpants and a shirt on a chair. He ran a hand through his hair in a vague attempt to tame it.

He jogged down the stairs, whoever was there, clearly wasn’t someone random, they would have left by now. Alex pulled the door open. 

‘Kyle?’ He asked after a short, stunned silence. ‘What? I thought we were going to meet each other in Belgium?’ Alex asked, fighting not to fidget and look over his shoulder. Despite the fact that they’d spend the last three days together, talking and laughing and kissing and… okay yeah so, they hadn’t actually talked about what exactly this was, _them_.

‘Yeah, that was the plan, but I realized you’d been holed up in this place alone for way too long now, so I figured I’d just leave two days early and fly to Barcelona instead of Brussels.’ Kyle looked like he could feel something was off, but like he wasn’t quite sure what.

‘Oh.’ Alex knew he couldn’t spring this on Michael. It would have been unfair and Alex wouldn’t have appreciated it the other way around. ‘Can you, um, maybe head to the supermarket in town? I haven’t eaten yet and-‘

‘I’ve just come from the airport and you want me to go to the supermarket so I can make you pancakes?’ Kyle asked, sighing deeply. Alex smiled widely at him.

‘Well, you always say you know how to make them healthy, otherwise I’m just going to eat some of that sugary cereal I have in the cupboards...’ Kyle threw his hands up in surrender.

‘No! God, please no.’ He tossed his bag to Alex who caught it easily. ‘I’ll go get the stuff to make pancakes.’

‘Can you get enough for three?’ Alex blurted out before he could think about it. Kyle, who had already been heading back down the path towards the street, looked over his shoulder suspiciously. ‘I’m really hungry.’

‘Of course you are, you’ve been eating terribly.’ Alex just made an innocent face. ‘I’ll be back in thirty minutes, probably.’ Kyle waved, heading to the car he seemed to be renting.

‘Thank you!’ Alex called after him. He kicked the door shut with his foot and dropped Kyle’s bag in the hall. He really hoped there wasn’t anything breakable in there. He was about to call for Michael when he realized the man in question was standing at the top of the stairs, he was wearing a pair of Alex’s sweatpants and an old band t-shirt, the logo was so faded he couldn’t even tell what it was from.

‘Was that Valenti?’ He sounded nervous.

‘Yeah. He was worried I was spending too much time alone. He’s getting stuff to make pancakes, we’ve got thirty minutes.’ Alex said as Michael headed down the stairs.

‘Thirty minutes to do what?’ That was a good question. ‘Do you want me to leave?’ Michael asked, he sounded like he was trying really hard not to sound affected.

‘No.’ Alex answered honestly. ‘I just, uh, wanted to give us some time to figure out what to tell Kyle.’ Michael swallowed.

‘Well, you know him best.’ He wrung his hands together. Alex had learned pretty quickly that he did that when he was nervous. ‘Is he going to be a dick?’

‘Well, he’s probably going to put his foot in his mouth at some point, because he’s Kyle and that’s what he does.’ Alex said, he tugged on the sleeves of his shirt. ‘I guess the main thing we need to do is figure out what to tell him.’

‘We could just say I stayed here, as a friend?’ Michael offered, but Alex got the feeling he didn’t really want to go for that option.

‘I think that’s not the best idea.’ Alex frowned. ‘I’m not very good at lying to Kyle, and if we lie to Kyle, we’ll have to lie to Maria, and I _suck_ at lying to Maria.’ He did, she always saw straight through his bullshit.

‘Right, okay.’ Michael said. Silence fell. Neither of them seemed to know what to do next.

‘What do you want this to be?’ Alex asked, much more quietly and insecure than he meant it to be.

‘I-I don’t know, what do you want?’

‘I asked you first.’ Alex said.

‘The middle school comeback?’ Michael laughed, sharp and just a bit uncomfortable.

‘Look, I- I generally don’t do these things casually. I’m not good at casual, and I think the fact that we’re teammates should mean that we take this seriously, or we don’t do it at all. Because if we fuck this up, it could not only ruin this thing between us, it could endanger our jobs and our team.’ Alex said, he felt like his stomach was trying to do summersaults.

‘Yeah, okay.’ Michael nodded. ‘I’m generally pretty good at casual, but this doesn’t _feel_ casual.’

‘Right, so we’re…dating?’ Alex tried not to flinch at the word.

‘Yeah, I guess that’s the easiest way to explain it, right?’ Michael tried valiantly to make it casual.

‘I suppose.’ Alex nodded. ‘So, we tell Kyle. I assume you want to tell Isobel?’

‘Not particularly, but yeah, I’ll tell Is. Maria would be another person to tell, right?’

‘Yeah, like I said, Maria would notice something was different immediately anyways, she’s intuitive like that.’ Alex felt like he could breathe a little easier. Now that they’d given this some sort of name.

‘Yeah, I don’t think I’m telling Max yet.’

‘No?’

‘No, we had a run in when I was home.’ Alex heard the clear “I don’t want to talk about this” in his voice.

‘Alright, fine by me.’ Alex agreed easily.

‘Okay. So we’ll tell Kyle, Maria and Isobel.’ Michael summarized.

‘Oh and Liz. I think she knows already, but yeah.’ Alex added.

‘Yeah I think she had an inkling I liked you when she gave me your address.’ Michael had relaxed as well, his shoulders had dropped and he wasn’t wringing his hands together anymore.

‘Oh yeah, with me, she knew at Silverstone.’ Alex admitted.

‘_Really_?’ Michael grinned. ‘You already liked me like that at Silverstone?’

‘I _realized_ I liked you like that at Silverstone. When did you?’ Alex asked, he went to move to the kitchen, he should probably make some coffee, Kyle was going to need it.

‘I think I admitted it to myself in Monaco.’ Michael followed him into the kitchen. ‘Isobel was on me immediately.’

‘She knew?’

‘Oh yeah, she saw right through me.’

‘She’s going to gloat, huh?’ Alex grinned at Michael over his shoulder.

‘Oh yes, it’s going to suck.’ Michael flinched and Alex laughed.

There was a knock at the door.

‘I’ll finish making the coffee, you get the door.’ Michael bumped his hip against Alex’s.

‘Alright.’ Alex left him to it and headed to the door. Kyle looked exasperated, but in a fond way, it was a unique expression.

‘Room service.’ Kyle said with a terrible fake smile. Alex laughed.

‘Come in.’

‘Valenti, how do you take your coffee?’ Michael called from the kitchen. Alright, they weren’t doing this subtly.

‘Black, please.’ He answered, kicking his shoes off. He was just about to move into the living room when he froze. ‘Wait, what?’ Alex would have laughed if he wasn’t so nervous.

‘There you go.’ Michael appeared from around the corner with a cup of coffee. He held it out to Kyle, still going for casual. Kyle blinked at him stupidly.

‘Wait, _what_?’ Kyle turned to Alex.

‘You could just take the coffee, K. It’s not poisoned.’ Alex said, taking the bag with groceries from Kyle. Kyle did what Alex told him to.

‘What’s going on?’ Kyle asked, a slight whine to his voice.

‘We’re dating.’ Alex said, shrugging despite how tense his shoulders still felt. He went and brought the bag into the kitchen.

‘You’re what now?’ Kyle asked, trailing after them.

‘Dating. Do you need me to spell it out for you?’ Michael leaned his hip against the counter, sipping his own cup of coffee.

‘Yeah, maybe.’ Kyle said, frowning. ‘What the fuck? Three months ago, you hated him, and now you’re dating him?’ He asked Alex. ‘What’s your excuse? He changed?’

‘People don’t change, you just get to know them better.’ Alex sighed. ‘Look, I get it, you’re confused, but we’re serious about this.’

‘This is a terrible idea.’

‘Well, I wasn’t asking for your permission.’ Alex said, slightly sharper than he meant to. ‘Look at me for a sec, K.’

Kyle did. He studied Alex carefully. His eyes darted between Alex and Michael for a second before he focussed back on Alex. He made sure to hold steady. Kyle sighed.

‘Okay, alright, fine.’

Kyle made an effort. He made pancakes, they were really good, he didn’t make any more comments. He watched them carefully, that was true, but he didn’t say anything and he didn’t ask any dick-ish questions. He didn’t even do the whole “if you hurt him they’ll never find your body” spiel. Alex was almost proud.

It was still awkward and Alex felt a little on edge all day, but as the day progressed and Kyle relaxed, so did Alex. And Michael? Michael was like a dream. He barrelled through any awkwardness like it wasn’t even there. It was like the confirmation that this was real and that Alex wasn’t backing out had given him the freedom to just _be_. Seeing Michael like this, calm and relaxed in his house, brought up a feeling Alex didn’t really recognize. Something warm and calm and soft.

They couldn’t stay like that forever, sadly. It was time for them to get back to racing. So, the day after, the three of them flew from Barcelona to Brussels. They were met at the airport by Maria, who immediately narrowed her eyes at them. She didn’t ask, but Alex could feel her thinking. She drove them to the hotel in the rental she’d borrowed from Jenna. She handed Kyle and Michael their room keys but withheld Alex’s, Michael hesitated, but Alex smiled at him encouragingly and so he headed into the hotel.

‘Yes, Maria?’

‘What’s going on?’ She asked, twisting around in her seat.

‘Let’s go inside first, okay?’ Alex figured this was a conversation best had on a couch or something.

‘Fine.’ Maria parked the car and started marching into the hotel. She left the key at the reception for Jenna to pick up later and herded Alex into the elevator.

‘How is Mimi?’ Alex asked when the doors dinged open. Maria shrugged.

‘She disappeared for a bit, but we found her, she was really confused, could barely remember who I was.’ She said, stoic in a way that Alex didn’t buy.

‘That sucks.’

‘Yeah.’ Maria said, Alex opened his room and Maria closed the door behind them. ‘Now, talk.’ Alex swallowed at her stern tone.

‘So uh, Michael showed up in Barcelona on my birthday, Liz gave him my address, and it was good.’

‘Good, how?’ Maria narrowed her eyes further.

‘Uh, well, we had fun and we watched some movies and we kissed and ate pizza.’ Alex rambled.

‘What was that?’

‘We ate pizza?’

‘No, the other part.’

‘We…kissed?’ Maria’s face went from suspicious to understanding to a grin so happy Alex almost had to look away.

‘_I knew it_!’ She clapped her hands. ‘I knew you liked him!’ She lashed out at him in pure joy and Alex just had to laugh. ‘Ugh! Good job Alex. He’s one good looking man.’

‘I know.’ Maria made a noise of pure excitement.

‘I’m _so _happy for you. I was actually talking to Isobel about it and she was convinced Michael liked you too.’ Maria grabbed his hand in both of hers. ‘I guess she was right.’

‘How is that going, by the way?’ Alex asked. ‘Your thing with Isobel.’

‘Good, we’re keeping it casual, neither of us is really looking for something serious and she also got divorced like, six months ago, so she’s taking the time to figure out who she is, you know?’ Maria said, still holding onto his hand.

‘Not really, but I’m sure it makes sense.’ Alex shrugged. Maria rolled her eyes, but she looked relieved.

‘I’m so happy you’re happy, Alex.’ Maria smiled softly.

‘Thanks Maria.’ Alex felt a wave of emotions as they stood there for a minute.

Spa was generally fun. It was fun, until another car seemed to forget the rules and fucked you over during qualifying. Q1 and 2 had been good for Alex, a third and a fourth time, in Q3 however, Alex got screwed. Another car clipped his rear tire, puncturing it and also spinning Alex around. It was a pretty scary five seconds where Alex was stationary in the middle of the track. He was lucky he kept the engine running. If a car would have come around the corner, they would have had virtually no time to avoid him. He could have gotten T-boned. That would have been bad. He was lucky however and a steward nearby had managed to signal Alex that the road was clear, so he could manoeuvre his stricken car back to the pitlane. This did mean he’d have to start in tenth because he hadn’t been able to set a time in Q3. He really wasn’t having much luck with qualifying.

‘That was probably one of the scarier things that’s happened to me. You sit there in the car and you realize you’re on the track, but there’s nowhere for you to go. All you can do is pray that the other drivers will see you before they hit you or you manage to get away before an accident happens.’ Alex said to Maria as they headed into the hotel.

‘It _looked_ scary.’ She’d been in the garage watching and according to Isobel “quietly freaking out”. 

Alex hadn’t freaked out over having to start tenth, and he was pretty proud of that. It _may _also have had something to do with Michael pulling him into a dark empty room and kissing the hell out of him. He’d apparently scared Michael too. 

‘Did I show you what Liz texted me?’ Alex asked, slipping his phone from his pocket as the elevator closed behind them.

‘No.’ Maria leaned over as Alex pulled up her reply to Alex’s “Hey so I’m dating Michael now” text. ‘Wow, that is a lot of exclamation marks.’

‘I know right! Twenty five to be exact, I counted them.’ Alex grinned.

‘Of course you did.’ Alex laughed and waved at Maria as she got off at her floor. He let his head rest against the cool reflective surface as the elevator rose one more floor. The doors opened and Alex headed into the hallway. He had to search around for his room key, so he didn’t see the figure standing at his door until he almost ran into them.

‘Hey.’ Alex startled, Michael laughed softly.

‘Why are you standing at my door like some kind of serial killer?’ Alex asked, managing a laugh now that he didn’t feel like jumping out of his skin.

‘If I were a serial killer you’d be _way_ dead.’ Michael grinned at him. Alex rolled his eyes. He stuck the key he’d found in his inside pocket in the lock and headed inside. He left the door open for Michael to follow. He threw his phone and key on the bedside table and he turned to face Michael.

‘I’m still alive though.’ Alex shrugged his jacket off his shoulders. Michael nodded slowly.

‘Yeah, maybe I should check. Just to be sure.’ He approached Alex, titling his head with a smirk.

‘Hm, yeah, maybe you should.’ Alex agreed.

Well, if Alex had to wear his team branded jacket with the hood, so he could tug it up around his neck, well, he supposed that was worth it. It was a good thing that their racing suits covered their necks as well. Michael kept throwing him knowing smirks and Alex kept rolling his eyes at him, if only to hide his own smiles.

The race itself was a fairly calm one, no major crashes, Alex did a lot of overtaking and fought himself all the way into first place. Spa was one of the easiest tracks to overtake and the car felt _fast_.

‘_Congrats Alex_.’ Tyler came over the radio after the chequered flag. He’d made it to the finish line on two pitstops, while Michael made three. It was a gamble, and Alex’s tires were pretty much at the end of their rope when he crossed the line, but they held out. So, Alex finished the race in first with the Ferrari behind him in second and Michael behind that in third.

‘Thanks guys, the car felt amazing this weekend.’ Alex grinned.

‘_Michael held on to third, so that’s another double podium for Red Bull, nice driving Alex._’ Mister Valenti said. As it turned out, podiums were even more fun when you could whisper the promise of champagne fuelled kisses into your teammate’s neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next race is going to be in Italy! So, prepare for more sunshine, ice cream and probably some more kisses. 
> 
> Comments make me squeal with delight!


	14. Mama said, it’s uphill for oddities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys are in Italy for the next GP, Alex has a bad day and Michael contemplates murder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a little early today! I'm going to a concert tonight so I'm putting it up now!  
Thank you all again so much for your continued support, it makes me smile so much!

‘Italy is beautiful.’ Michael said as they stepped from the hotel. The sun was out, the sky was blue and the cool breeze made the temperature really comfortable.

‘Yeah it is.’ Alex agreed. Jenna had told them to meet her in front of the hotel at ten, it was nine fifty five, so they were early.

‘Do you know what else is beautiful?’ Michael asked, flopping down on a white bench in front of the hotel.

‘No.’ Alex said, sitting down next to him with a little more care.

‘You are.’

‘Stop it.’ Alex said, pushing at Michael’s shoulder as he felt his cheeks heat up.

‘I’m serious.’

‘Yeah, I am too. Stop it.’ Alex said, laughing uncomfortably. Michael tilted his head, narrowing his eyes a little.

‘You do know you’re gorgeous, right?’

‘Michael.’ Alex said a little more forcefully, his breath didn’t stutter just a little on his inhale. ‘You can stop flattering me, I already like you.’ Michael blinked at him.

‘Wait-‘

‘Boys! Time to go.’ Jenna came walking up to them, swinging keys around on her finger.

Jenna motioned them along towards the car parked in the lot across the street. Alex felt good about the race this weekend, Italy was one of the tracks where he’d never gotten a podium before, but he was aiming to change that this weekend. He was still firmly in second place in the championship. As long as he kept getting podiums, kept winning, kept beating the Mercedes drivers he’d get the big trophy at the end of the season.

‘So, what are we doing this week?’ Alex asked as he fastened his seatbelt. He’d let Michael take the front seat next to Jenna, sitting in the back himself. 

‘It’s a surprise.’ Jenna grinned at him through the rear-view mirror. Alex rolled his eyes. They hadn’t brought Isobel and Maria this time, they didn’t need them as a buffer/babysitter anymore, so the ladies were getting some ice cream along with Kyle.

Alex watched the scenery pass by as Jenna drove and Michael bopped his head along with the radio. Despite him feeling good about the car and the race, Alex himself felt a little funky today. He’d woken up alone and too early after a night filled with looming darkness in his dreams. He hated it when his mind got like that. It reminded him too much of how he’d felt his first season. Alone, overwhelmed, drowning under the pressure. He would explain it as if there was a small part of his brain that was like his father, or made him feel like his father made him feel. That part would rear its ugly head every so often. Michael seemed to notice.

‘Are you okay?’ He asked as Jenna headed off to talk to the crew. They had arrived, to Alex’s surprise, at Monza where they would race this weekend.

‘I’m fine.’

‘You know, you keep saying that, but I never seem to be able to believe you.’ Michael frowned.

‘You could just accept what I tell you instead of pushing me if I don’t want to talk about something.’ Alex said sharply. He just needed some space to breathe. Michael shifted.

‘You don’t have to lie to me, Alex.’ Why couldn’t Michael just listen to him right now?

‘I’m not lying to you, I’m fine. Stop pushing me.’ Alex clenched his jaw, looking Michael dead in the eye. Michael paused, the worried crinkle between his eyebrows made Alex feel a little sick, use your words Alex. ‘I don’t need you to worry about me. I just feel off today, it passes, it always does. Give me some space.’ He sounded far too small and affected, but at least Michael seemed to understand now.

‘Okay.’ He said. ‘Just let me know if there’s anything I can do, yeah?’

‘Yeah.’ Alex felt guilty as hell. Guilty for not being okay enough.

He tried to be excited when Jenna had them drive the track on scooters that couldn’t go much faster than 30km/h. He smiled and laughed, but he could tell Michael didn’t buy any of it. God he hoped their media team could salvage a doable video out of this. He knew he looked worse on the drive back. He’d caught a glimpse of himself in a window and he looked tense and distracted and worried.

His general strategy for these kinds of days was to hole up in his room. That seemed to be his overall strategy. Isolate himself. It probably wasn’t healthy, but it worked. Well, it used to work. Today, sitting in his hotel room alone, wasn’t doing it. His mind kept drifting back to Michael’s sad face. To the way he’d tried to help. Goddammit, this guy was changing everything. It was ten o’clock at night when Alex caved. He grabbed his phone from the bedside table.

_Are you awake?_

He texted Michael. He put the phone down next to him, he wasn’t expecting an immediate answer. He wasn’t really expecting an answer at all. Michael was probably mad at him. Why would he care if Alex was having a bad day? He should be better than this, stronger.

Michael Guerin: _Yeah, I’m awake. Feel better?_

What was he supposed to say to that? No. No, not really. Michael didn’t need his bullshit, but he missed him.

_I miss you_

It was selfish, and he shouldn’t have said it, but it was true and Alex was tired.

Michael Guerin: _I’m right here_

_You shouldn’t have to be. I should be okay._

He needed to stop talking. He was only going to make Michael run away. Showing him he wasn’t perfect.

Michael Guerin: _Open the door_

Alex thought about refusing, but the idea of Michael standing there in the hallway staring at a closed door hurt too much. Why couldn’t he do casual? Why did he have to care so much? He slid from the bed and opened the door. He could barely look Michael in the eye. Alex left the door open and turned around, heading back into the room.

‘You said that it passes, it always does. Does this happen often?’ Michael asked carefully.

‘About four times a year. It usually only lasts a day or so.’ Alex said. ‘It’s not that bad. I’m fine.’

‘I really think you should stop saying that. You’re obviously not fine.’ Alex could feel the tears prick behind his eyes, it was good that Michael couldn’t see his face.

‘If it’s so obvious, why are you the only one that notices?’

Alex knew it was his own fault. He avoided everyone on days like these. He didn’t let them get close enough to notice, or he blamed it on something else. “I’m just tired” and “I think I’m getting a cold” were his favourite excuses. Especially because they both allowed him to avoid people, he was going to nap or he didn’t want to infect them. It never lasted long enough for people to look further into it. He should have just told Michael the same.

‘I don’t have an answer for you.’ Michael said after a painful silence. ‘Come on. Let’s go to bed.’ He could hear clothes drop to the floor behind him. A warm hand settled on his shoulder and gently moved him towards the bed. He settled with his back to Michael. Alex turned off the light, the darkness felt better.

‘I’m sorry.’

‘Who told you that you have to apologize for not being okay?’ Michael asked, wrapping his arm around Alex’s stomach.

‘I’m supposed to have my shit together.’ Alex couldn’t help but settle his hand over Michael’s.

‘Says who?’

‘Says me.’

‘You or your dad?’ Alex stayed quiet. ‘There’s a reason you don’t have him around anymore. You said it yourself: He’s a crazy bastard. Have you ever considered that he was wrong, about this?’

That was a good question, wasn’t it? If he didn’t believe his father when he told Alex he was sick, if he didn’t believe him when he said he was alone and no one loved him, why would he believe him about this?

‘No, I hadn’t.’

‘Maybe it’s time.’

Alex could feel the moment Michael fell asleep. His breathing evened out and kept brushing against the back of Alex’s neck in soft huffs. He couldn’t quite get the question from his head. He felt lighter already, but was that just his mood passing, or was it what Michael had asked? All he really knew was that Michael was the first person he tolerated around him when he felt like this. The first to notice Alex wasn’t just tired or a little under the weather. He’d given him space, but when Alex had reached out, he’d been right there waiting. He didn’t even seem mad. Was this what it was supposed to be like?

Alex’s alarm went off at eight the next morning. Michael whined and swatted at the device, nearly rolling on top of Alex in the process.

‘Michael.’ Alex complained, he enjoyed having Michael around, he just didn’t enjoy getting crushed first thing in the morning.

‘Turn that shit off, it’s like, dawn.’ Michael mumbled as Alex managed to turn the alarm off.

‘It’s 8am and I was going to go for a run.’

‘No.’ Michael whined again. ‘Stay here, you’re nice and cuddly.’

‘You could come with me.’ Alex tried coaxing Michael into action, not that Alex had moved yet.

‘Unless Valenti makes me do it, I don’t work out.’ Michael yawned and snuggled back into his pillow. Alex thought he was going to go back to sleep when his eyes blinked open. ‘Oh hey, are you feeling better?’ Morning Michael was maybe his favourite Michael. He was all sleepy and soft and unguarded and cuddly.

‘Yeah, I am. It really does only last about 24 hours.’ Alex smiled at him. He actually wasn’t lying this time. He felt better. Lighter. Warmer.

‘Good.’ Michael smiled warmly. ‘Now come here. We’ll go for a run tomorrow.’ Alex sighed. ‘I promise. But for now, I want kisses.’ Michael’s smile morphed into a grin and well, what was Alex supposed to do?

‘So, Alex, Red Bull has won the last two races, you’re starting from third this weekend, how are you feeling about your chances?’

‘Pretty good.’ Alex smiled easily at the reporter. ‘The car already felt really good in qualifying, but there was definitely still some room for improvement, so I’m feeling like we can make this an interesting race.’

‘Michael, you got your first win before the break, are you aiming for your second one this weekend?’

‘Well, I always aim to win. Like Alex said, the cars have been really good recently, but we need to see if we can match the pace of the Mercedes tomorrow.’ Michael said. They’d been placed next to each other at this press conference, there was also one of the Mercedes drivers, Charles from Ferrari and (to Alex’s dismay) Long.

‘Does it matter at all to you that your teammate could still very much win the championship? Is that something that’s in your mind at all?’ Michael shrugged.

‘Sure, I want the team to do well, and Alex winning the championship is part of that. I’ve had some bad luck, so I’m not ready to make a throw for it, but next year I’ll be ready. For now, I would definitely prefer Alex winning over any of the others.’ He said with a disarming grin.

‘So you would give up a win so that Alex would get more championship points? That’s a little sad.’ Long commented from the other side of the table. What the fuck was this guy’s problem.

‘I never said that.’ Michael replied with a frown. Alex clenched his jaw.

‘No but you implied it.’

‘You know, I don’t remember anyone asking for your opinion.’ Alex said. Apparently it was sharp because Michael’s hand landed on his leg, under the table. They were mic’d up so it wasn’t like he could say anything but the message was clear: _easy_. 

‘I don’t remember you being this defensive over me. What, do you like him better or something?’

I like everyone better than I like you. He didn’t say it out loud, he was kind of proud of that. No need to give him fuel.

‘I was always perfectly civil with you.’ Alex said in his calmest, most controlled voice. He turned back to the reporters. ‘Any other questions?’ Michael patted his leg before removing his hand. He’d been good, apparently.

‘God you looked like you were going to take his head off.’ Michael laughed as they exited the media centre.

‘I hate him so much.’ Alex whined. ‘He’s so annoying.’

‘Well you did behave, mostly, so good job.’ Maria reached over to ruffle his hair. Alex batted at her hand half-heartedly.

‘Yes, very professional, both of you.’ Isobel agreed, copying Maria’s gesture with Michael’s hair. He made a noise dangerously close to a shriek.

‘Nah, nah-uh. Don’t touch the hair.’ He swivelled his head away from her dramatically. ‘I don’t like it when you touch my hair.’ Alex raised his eyebrows.

‘_Really_? Not in my experience.’ Michael actually blushed a little, which made Alex smirk.

‘Oh god, I did not need to know that about my brother.’ Isobel made a disgusted face. Maria laughed.

‘I guess it runs in the family, huh?’ Now it was Michael’s turn to flinch and groan.

‘No, _stop_.’ Alex just laughed at their dramatic behaviour.

‘Oh boy, this is fun.’ Alex grinned at Maria who hummed in return. The two blushing siblings followed them back towards the garage.

‘How’s it going boys?’ Tyler asked the second they stepped inside. The mechanics had been told to got back to the hotel before the press conference, apparently Tyler didn’t care.

‘Good.’ Michael answered.

‘Good. What are you still doing here?’ Alex asked as Tyler set a hand on his shoulder. He motioned at the cars.

‘Just doing a final check on the weather forecast and the tires.’ Alex made a face at him.

‘Maybe you should get some rest, we’ll see about all that tomorrow.’ He said, gently removing Tyler’s hand from his shoulder.

‘Yeah, yeah, whatever. Who needs sleep anyways?’ He joked. ‘Hey, I’ve been meaning to say: You look good, Alex.’

‘What do you mean?’ Alex asked, titling his head.

‘You look more relaxed, happier. Whatever you’re doing, keep it up.’ Alex blinked at him as Tyler disappeared from the garage. Michael stepped up next to him.

‘Well, you heard the man, _whatever_ you’re _doing_, keep doing it.’ Michael slapping his ass before cackling and walking away was totally retaliation for the hair pulling comment, but Alex didn’t mind that much.

He was so glad he felt better that Sunday, because the race required every last bit of his concentration. The temperature soared as they got closer to the starting time. It was not as hot as in Bahrein or anything, but it was much more oppressively hot, humid. The predictions were actually saying there would be a massive thunder storm that night. Alex could feel the pressure of it behind his eyes.

It was like the whole grid could feel it, the sense of urgency, because several drivers did some _stupid_ things. Including the two Ferraris. It seemed like they hadn’t learned from Red Bull’s mistakes, because they took each other out, two laps before the finish. Just like that, Alex moved from fourth to second. He sincerely appreciated it.

Michael however, got caught up in other people’s bullshit. Wyatt Long’s bullshit to be exact. Alex caught a replay of it in the cooldown room before heading onto the podium. He had to fight not to curse the man right there and then. He was angry though, really _angry_. That was new. He supposed that was what he got for getting so close to his teammate. Suddenly he cared about more than just his own results. It was kind of scary to realize he wanted Michael to be _good_. Maybe not quite good enough to beat him, but he wanted Michael there with him, on the podium. Not back in the garage with his damaged car.

So, if Alex hurried back to the garage just a little more than he otherwise would, well he didn’t really have an excuse other than wanting to see Michael. He was positively surprised however, when he found Michael next to Kyle, Maria and Isobel. They were flanking him like bodyguards. Alex set the silver trophy down on a workbench and made his way over.

‘You good?’ Alex asked, Michael looked pissed. More pissed than Alex had seen him since Spain.

‘That fucking asshole.’ Michael said tightly. ‘God, I wish I’d have let you rip him to shreds at the press conference yesterday.’ Alex couldn’t help the small vicious smile on his face.

‘Just give me the word.’ He said, the look on Michael’s face was hard to describe. A dangerous sort of thoughtfulness. But also a smile, which is what Alex wanted. He wasn’t even lying. He’d been itching to go at Long for years, if Michael really wanted him to…

‘I’m not going to get you in trouble.’ He said, but it didn’t sound too convincing.

‘I like trouble.’ Alex grinned, and it actually got a laugh out of Michael.

‘No you don’t.’

‘I don’t know, Michael. He likes you.’ Isobel said. ‘Let’s not do anything rash though. He’ll pay by never finishing on the podium again.’

‘Yes, I agree. Let’s not do anything to endanger the team.’ Maria said, Alex turned to Kyle.

‘Why are you looking at me?’ He asked.

‘Well, we’ve got two yes and two no. I guess you’re the deciding vote.’ Alex shrugged.

‘Wait, we’re voting now?’ Kyle looked distressed. ‘No, I vote no. I’ll let you guys hit a punching bag this week or something. I’ll even tape a picture of Long to it, but that’s as close as you’re going to get.’

‘I kind of like that idea.’ Michael mused.

‘Yeah, me too.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty, next up, Singapore. 
> 
> Comments make me squeal with delight!


	15. The stranger crusaders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Singapore Michael uses the wrong words, Alex talks to Maria and there's more champagne.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Sings* Guess who's back, back again, I am back, tell a friend.  
Hello! I am back. The concert was awesome and so were your comments on the last chapter! Thank you so much!  
I'm starting to focus more on the relationships and a little less on the races, I hope you guys don't mind. We'll turn our focus more towards the racing again as we get to the final 3(ish) races. For now I really want to build more of the friendships amongst our little crew.

They met up on Wednesday night in a hotel room in Singapore. They fell into each other like they’d been apart for months. It was insane, how much Alex wanted to be around Michael. How much he needed the warmth and the quiet Michael brought. He hadn’t even realized he’d been missing something, but now that he had it, it was like he couldn’t live without it… and wasn’t that the most terrifying thought.

When you’re scared, put your foot on the gas. His father had repeated it so often, Alex didn’t think he could forget it if he tried. He’d learned that you could take it two ways. One: Run. Get the hell out of there. Two: Barrel head first into it. Throw yourself in with all you’ve got. Just go until you can’t go anymore. Go until you break, and he was never allowed to break.

It was hard for Alex sometimes, finding the right words. He’d never been good at explaining what he felt. At putting the stuff going on in his mind into words. He was much better at showing his feelings through touch. Letting Michael _feel_ what Alex was thinking, and by god if it wasn’t like Michael could read his mind sometimes.

‘Are you nervous about this weekend?’ Michael asked, his hand running through Alex’s hair.

‘Kind of.’ Alex admitted, his fingers tracing figure eights over Michael’s skin.

‘Why?’ Michael traced his thumb over Alex’s cheekbone.

‘Expectations are high.’

‘Aren’t they always?’

‘Yeah, I guess.’

‘What’s our song of the weekend?’ He could feel Michael smile. Alex laughed.

‘How about… you decide.’ Alex said, Michael hummed thoughtfully.

‘Well there’s this old country song called “fast car”.’ Alex huffed out a laugh, but Michael didn’t, so Alex stayed quiet. ‘It’s about these two lovers wanting to run away in a fast car. His father is a drunk, his momma left, they save some money and run to the big city. They struggle, but things get better. They find a house, have some kids. Things are good for a while, but then she wants that freedom again, and she leaves.’

Alex let that sink in.

‘That’s really sad.’ He wiggled around so he could rest his chin on Michael’s chest and look up at him. ‘Why that one?’ Michael shifted, avoiding Alex’s eye.

‘I don’t know, I’ve always loved that song, it really makes you _feel_, takes you on a journey. I guess I’m just… scared?’

‘Scared of what?’

‘Of you.’ Michael looked at him with a wry smile. One that transformed into a look of concern when he really looked at Alex. He must have looked like he felt, like Michael had just slapped him in the face. Michael was _scared_ of him?

‘I- I- I’m sorry.’ Alex said, rolling away from Michael and trying to get out of the bed.

‘No, woah, hold on. Alex wait.’ Michael reached for his hand, but Alex was too quick. He shot into some sweatpants (were they even his? Who knew), he was searching for a shirt when Michael scampered from the bed. ‘Alex wait.’

‘No, it’s fine. You don’t need to explain, I get it.’ Alex kept his head down. Where was his fucking shirt? And his phone? Fucking hell.

‘Alex _stop_.’ Michael’s hand closed around his arm and Alex _flinched_. Michael let him go like he’d been burned.

Alex had frozen, and so had Michael.

‘We’re a real mess, huh?’ Alex said wryly, startling himself forward, he’d spotted his shirt, on the dresser near the door. He grabbed it and put it on. He was about ready to run now.

‘Alex, we need to talk about this.’ Michael said carefully. Alex hated it.

‘Why?’ Why did everything always have to be so damn complicated?

‘Because we said we would take this seriously. That means talking through this kind of stuff.’

‘I’m not good with words.’ Alex crossed his arms, not facing Michael.

‘I know.’ Alex looked over his shoulder to glare at Michael, he grinned carefully. He was teasing. God, why did he have to be so… kind.

‘Fine.’ He turned around.

‘When I said I was scared of you, I didn’t mean I was _scared _of you.’

‘And you say _I’m_ not good with words?’ Alex asked, raising an eyebrow.

‘I mean, the way I _feel_ about you scares me, not you yourself.’ Oh. Michael felt the same way he did.

‘Like we’ve been apart for months even though it’s only been three days?’ Alex offered. Michael shifted, his face lighting up.

‘Yes, exactly.’ He stepped closer, reaching out to Alex. He let him set his hands on Alex’s upper arms.

‘Yeah, I feel that way too.’ Alex admitted. ‘It scares me as well.’

‘Why?’

Alex tried to figure out how to word it. It took him a second, but Michael was patient. He just rubbed his thumbs over the curve of Alex’s biceps.

‘The thing I’m most scared of isn’t dying or heights or sharks or anything like that, it’s that I’m like my dad. That somewhere, there’s a part of me that is just like him. A part I won’t be able to overcome, a darkness in my… genetics.’ Alex bit his lip. ‘I guess I’m scared of myself.’

‘And me saying I was scared of you confirmed your worst fear. Wow, nice job Michael.’ Michael said, more to himself than to Alex.

‘It’s not your fault.’

‘No, but it’s not yours either.’ Michael pressed. ‘You’re not like him, Alex. I’ve never met him before, but I know that. At your core, you’re kind and warm and honest. You _care_.’

‘You can’t read my mind.’

‘I know, but I can see how you act. Even _if_ there is some sort of doubt he’s put there, some sort of “darkness”, you are strong enough to resist it.’ Michael unfolded Alex’s arms and took his hands. ‘I see _you_, and you’re beautiful.’ Alex breathed that in for a second.

‘I’m not sure if I believe you, but I hope you’re right.’ He said, swallowing away those stupid emotions. Why did he feel like crying every time they had a meaningful conversation? Probably because it was meaningful. ‘Why do I scare you?’

‘Because I’ve always been good at casual. Being with someone has never meant this much to me. It’s scary because I’m afraid of doing something wrong, because I don’t know how to do this.’ Michael said, playing with Alex’s fingers, looking down at them.

‘I don’t know, I think you’re doing a pretty good job.’ Alex said, smiling encouragingly at him. ‘Look, I can’t promise that I’m never going to freak out, or run, because that’s what I do when I get scared, but I can promise you that I genuinely care about you, and that even if I need some space I’ll come back.’ Michael looked at him carefully, studied him. He seemed to come to the conclusion that Alex meant it.

‘Alright. Pinkie promise?’ He held his little finger out for Alex who barked out a laugh.

‘Pinkie promise.’ He hooked his pinkie around Michael’s. ‘Thumb touch.’ They touched thumbs and Alex pulled Michael forward into a hug. He buried his face in the crook of Michael’s neck. They could do this, right? Figure this out.

‘So, what’s going to be the song of the weekend?’

‘Well, we have a night race, so how about: Marry the night?’ Alex offered. Michael’s laugh brushed against his neck.

‘Sure, why not.’

‘How are you?’ Maria plopped down next to him on the couch, they had gathered in Maria’s room because Isobel and Kyle wanted to watch the game. Alex didn’t really care much about this particular game, so he was watching in amusement as Kyle and Isobel bickered back and forth, they were rooting for opposite teams, sitting on the foot of the bed with Michael squished between them.

‘Good.’ Alex said, his eyes still on the trio as Michael seemed to have chosen Isobel’s side just because he could. When Maria stayed quiet, he figured she wanted him to elaborate. ‘I freaked out last night. We talked through it, we’re good.’

‘I’m glad you’re happy, Alex.’

‘I just- no it’s fine.’ Alex backed out, he hadn’t really meant to say that out loud. Too bad he’d started that sentence in front of Maria. She gave him a sharp look.

‘You just, what?’ Oh, he knew that look. That was her “don’t even attempt to back out of this” look. He glanced at the three, but they were fully immersed in the game, which seemed to be tied.

‘I just feel like I’m such a mess. Too much. I’m always freaking out, or doing something stupid or losing my cool. How can I not expect him to walk away?’ Alex asked in a low tone, turning to Maria. She smiled sadly.

‘Oh baby.’ She put her hand on his. ‘I can’t tell you this is going to last forever, because I don’t know that, but I can tell you that even though you can be flighty and you don’t have much experience with this, you’re worth it.’ She squeezed his hand. ‘_You_ are more than worth any minor little flaws you’ve got. I’ve known you for _years_. We’ve fought and yelled and _screamed_ at each other, and I would still kill for you, because you’re you, and at your core, you’re kind and caring and wonderful.’

‘That sounds like something he said last night.’

‘Well, that means he’s smarter than he looks.’ She said with a grin that had Alex roll his eyes fondly.

‘He’s smarter than both of us combined.’

‘Probably.’ Maria shrugged. ‘I just like seeing you get all “hey don’t talk bad about my boy”, it’s cute.’ She patted his cheek and he swatted her hand away with a whine. She laughed, warm and soft. Alex had missed her, he realized with a start. He hadn’t really just sat down and hung out with her in a while.

‘How have you been? How’s your mom?’ Alex asked as Kyle cheered and Isobel cursed, loudly. It was fun seeing her like this, in a sweater that was clearly Michael’s, her hair in a messy bun, screaming at the little figures on the TV. Not many people got to see her like this.

‘I’ve been good, mom has been as well. She’s been behaving, so that’s good.’ She smiled, but she couldn’t hide the sad twinge. ‘She asked for you the last time I was there.’

‘I miss her. Maybe we can drop by when we head to Texas.’ Alex said, Maria titled her head.

‘She’s still in Roswell, Alex, I’m not going to make you go there, just because my mom misses you.’

‘She’s always been good to me, it’s the least I can do.’ Alex said, he already had the plan forming in his head, all he had to do was not go anywhere near his old childhood home. Or any sort of bar. Or store. Or anywhere that was not the home Maria’s mom was in.

‘Alex-‘

‘No, it’s fine. We’ll go straight from the airport to see her and we just won’t go anywhere else.’ Maria studied him for a second and sighed.

‘Okay, alright. She’ll be thrilled.’

‘_Alex_.’ Kyle whined loudly as the siblings high fived and cackled. ‘Your boyfriend is bullying me.’ Alex sighed and checked the score.

‘Your team is losing, there’s nothing I can do, K.’

‘Yeah, _K_. Nothing he can do.’ Michael smirked at him.

‘What are you two gossiping about anyways?’ Isobel asked, leaning back on her hands to look at them, raising a snappy eyebrow. Alex could see what Maria liked about her. She was no-nonsense, feisty and beautiful. Maria had always liked that.

‘We were just making plans for the US GP.’ Alex said, he pushed himself off the couch and sat on the bed, crossing his legs in front of him. Michael looked over his shoulder.

‘Ah, anything fun?’ Isobel asked. Michael scooted from between Kyle and Isobel and pushed at Alex’s shoulder. Alex frowned at him in confusion.

‘Go sit over there.’ Michael said, pushing Alex back towards the headboard. Ah, right.

‘Just a visit to Maria’s mom.’ Alex said, scooting back and rearranging some of the pillows so he could lean against the headboard comfortably.

‘You’re close to her?’ Isobel asked as Michael settled himself against Alex, back resting against Alex’s chest, curls just brushing against Alex’s chin.

‘I spend a lot of time there when I was a kid.’ He answered diplomatically. Isobel narrowed her eyes, but before she said anything she glanced at Michael and turned back around to the TV.

‘Alright.’ Isobel said. Maria had gotten up and was now telling Kyle to scoot so she could sit in between them. She demanded more space than Michael did, apparently. Speaking of Michael. He’d closed his eyes and was now patting around on the bed, searching for something.

‘Gimme.’ He mumbled.

‘Are you about to fall asleep right now?’ Alex asked. He had just been fully immersed in a football game, now he was ready to nap. Michael’s ability to fall asleep anywhere, anytime was something Alex envied. He could barely sleep in a bed, at night. Michael slept on planes, couches, daytime, night-time it didn’t matter.

‘Yeah.’ Michael grabbed Alex’s hand and settled it on his chest. Alex sighed, but let his hand rest over Michael’s heart. The continuous thump-thump was actually kind of nice.

‘You two are sickeningly adorable.’ Kyle said with a pouty face.

‘Just because you’re miserable and alone doesn’t mean we’re sickening, Valenti.’ Michael mumbled, eyes still closed. To be fair, it was nine o’clock, pretty early, but not _that_ weird with jetlag and everything. Alex laughed softly, not wanting to shake Michael too much.

‘It’s okay K, you’ll find someone, someday.’ Alex found his most patronizing tone. They’d had this conversation before, when Kyle was still dating Liz and it had been the other way around. It had been years, but Alex had never forgotten the condescending bitchy tone.

‘Wow, thanks Alex.’ He said sarcastically.

‘You’re welcome.’ Alex smiled sweetly.

Isobel’s team won, she did a quiet victory dance around the room and made several rude gestures at Kyle who groaned and buried his face in his hands. Alex had only had to shush them all once with a sharp look, apparently he had murder written all over his face. Michael had fallen asleep and Alex wasn’t about to have them wake him up because of some stupid game of football. He even considered asking Maria to just head up to Alex’s room, but that seemed a little too far, so at around eleven, he woke Michael up.

He did not appreciate it.

‘No.’ He whined, low and sleepy and Alex had to fight not to coo at him. 

‘C’mon, up you go.’ Alex coaxed Michael from the bed.

‘No, ‘lex. I’m sleepy, come here.’

‘No, you come to me.’ Alex tried really hard not to laugh, but he looked about four years old right now. ‘We’re just going up to my room. Then you can go back to sleep.’ Maria was watching them, Kyle and Isobel had bailed already, Isobel had wished him luck before she left, he understood why. Michael was like an octopus, a completely uncooperative octopus. Alex managed to get him from the room, where a giggling Maria closed the door behind them with a highly sarcastic thumbs up and “good luck”. Alex actually felt incredibly giggly himself as he tried to corral his teammate/ boyfriend/ competition into an elevator so they could get to a bed before he fell asleep again. He managed to get him in and out of the elevator and into the right hallway.

‘Come on, Michael.’ Alex laughed as he parked him against the wall next to the door. He fumbled around for his key card as Michael hummed what sounded like a lullaby.

‘What the hell are you doing?’ The sneering voice of Wyatt Long made Alex freeze and Michael got quiet immediately. He seemed to sense danger or something because he seemed more awake by the second.

‘He’s tired, I’m just making sure he doesn’t fall down the stairs somewhere.’ Alex said coolly. ‘What’s it to you?’ Don’t hit him Alex, don’t.

‘Just keeping an eye on things.’ Long said with a cold smile.

‘Well how about you go do that somewhere else, huh?’ Alex used every last bit of his self-control to make sure he didn’t fidget. You never showed weakness to a guy like Long.

‘Yeah.’ Long said, that same cold smile on his face. ‘Sure thing.’ He didn’t think anyone could make an agreement sound so threatening, but he sure as fuck managed. Alex held stead as Long moved down the hallway and around the corner. He waited two more heartbeats before opening the door, turning on the lights and stepping in. He left the door open for Michael.

‘Should I go to my own room?’ Alex looked over his shoulder and frowned. Michael looked uncertain, but very much awake now.

‘No. Fuck him.’ Alex said firmly. ‘I’m not going to let that son of a bitch intimidate me. I’d like to get some sleep tonight, so get in here and close the door.’ Michael closed the door and seemed to relax a little.

‘That stupid smirk, I just wanted to punch that off his face.’

‘Oh I considered it, trust me.’

‘Let’s not think about him anymore. I think I was being a nuisance and harassing you into letting me sleep, right?’ Michael said with an innocent grin.

From pole to first place. Alex lead the race for almost all of the 61 laps. It wasn’t the most entertaining race, but it was sure as hell good for Red Bull’s standings, because Michael finished second. A one-two for the Bulls, and no Mercedes on the podium. Alex made sure to empty his champagne bottle over Michael’s head as there were more fireworks. Michael let out a loud laugh.

‘That shit’s cold!’ He tried to dance away from Alex, but he didn’t really have anywhere to go.

‘I know, it’s nice, right?’ Alex grinned. What he got in retaliation was a face full of champagne. ‘Argh.’ Alex spluttered, trying not to get any of it up his nose.

They were still laughing and also completely gross when they found their way back into the garage. Alex was glad he could hide his champagne soaked hair under a cap, Michael looked a little bit like a puppy someone had tried to drown. Jenna sighed.

‘How am I supposed to put you two on Instagram like this?’ Jenna asked, setting the hand not holding her phone on her hip. Michael shrugged.

‘Just give it a nice caption?’ He offered with a overly wide grin. She sighed.

‘Alex where is your trophy?’ Alex widened his eyes. He looked around.

‘Um, last I saw it Tyler had it?’

‘Why was that a question?’ Jenna asked.

‘Uh… because I don’t know where Tyler currently is?’ Alex tried. Jenna blinked at him, sighed and turned around.

‘_Tyler_!’ She yelled through the garage, Michael and Alex both flinched. Tyler appeared out of thin air.

‘Yes miss Cameron?’ He smiled innocently. How a thirty five year old man could pull off that look was beyond Alex, but he did. He was also (thank god) still carrying the first place trophy.

‘I need Alex to take a picture with the trophy, do you think you can part with it for maybe a minute?’ Jenna asked, but was it really a question?

‘Of course.’ Tyler considered throwing it, Alex could read it in his eyes, but then he seemed to remember Jenna was there and he just quickly handed it to Alex instead. Michael, who still had his silver prize in his hands, slung his arm over Alex’s shoulder, so Alex settled his hand on Michael’s hip. That wasn’t weird, was it? It was just the logical place for his hand to go.

‘Alright boys, smile.’ Jenna said raising the phone and seemingly taking several pictures. Alex trusted she’d choose the one that made them look the least manic. ‘Alright, you’re free to go.’ They let go of each other and Alex handed the trophy back to Tyler, who disappeared with it again. Jenna also disappeared.

‘I found a song.’ Michael said, they were mostly alone in the garage now. Everyone else seemed to be outside celebrating.

‘Okay?’

‘One that I think you should hear.’

‘Okay.’

‘It’s an old Kelly Clarkson song called Dark Side.’ Michael brushed his hand past Alex’s. ‘Listen to it, and the answer is yes.’ Alex frowned after him as Michael disappeared outside.

He looked up the song in the car on the way to the hotel. _Everybody’s got a dark side, do you love me? Can you love mine? Nobody’s a picture perfect, but we’re worth it, you know that we’re worth it._’

He pulled up his text conversation with Michael

_“Even if I try to push you out, will you return, and remind me who I really am? Please remind me who I really am.” Jesus Christ, Michael. We’ll meet in your room, yes? _

Michael Guerin: _I’m waiting._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, I heard Dark Side yesterday, and I couldn't get it out of my head, so I had to use it. It's actually a good song! I really like it. As for the song Fast Car, the version I know is by Christian Kane (originally by Tracy Chapman), and Marry the Night is by Lady Gaga (love). So yeah, that's the discography (is that a word?) for this chapter.
> 
> I also really want Isobel and Alex to interact more in the next chapter. See ya'll on Sunday!
> 
> Comments make me squeal with delight!


	16. Ain’t ever wannabe’s

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Russia, Alex gets the chance to help Michael out for a change and Isobel and Alex.... attempt to bond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy shit, chapter 16 already?!   
I was so good today, I had an idea for a oneshot-fic thing, but I finished my chapter first! (I might still write the one shot now, but shhh, don't tell anyone). Either way, We're heading into the final stretch of the season, there's (not including the one in this chapter) 5 races left. :O. 
> 
> I'm so thankful for all of your comments!

Alex didn’t make a habit out of staying up late during race weekends, but Maria had demanded some “friend time” with him and Kyle, so he’d spend the last two hours hanging around her hotel room, attempting to make sense of Russian television, laughing at posts Maria had found on something called “Tumblr” and arguing about whether or not Kyle could pull off a cowboy hat.

He’d left Michael in his room, so they could sleep in the same bed. They both agreed that there was really no reason not to. They generally met up with everyone else at breakfast, and most of the people close to them knew, so they didn’t ask questions. Plus, they were friends now, that seemed enough of an explanation for most people. There was only one person Alex was worried about right now, and it was Wyatt Long. There was something in the way he looked at him and Michael that made his hair stand up. Michael said he was being paranoid, but Alex wasn’t so sure.

He stuck the key card in the lock. The room was dark, which was logical at midnight, and Michael was in bed, probably asleep already. Alex used the flashlight on his phone to make his way around the room, avoiding the explosion of clothes that had occurred around Michael’s bag. That was one thing Alex had certainly learned, Michael wasn’t good at packing suitcases, and when he opened it, stuff ended up _everywhere_. Alex, on the other hand, was a meticulous packer. Everything needed to be neat and in it’s place and everything stayed within a one meter radius of his bag so that he didn’t lose anything.

He didn’t realize something was off until he heard Michael make a noise while Alex had his toothbrush in his mouth. It wasn’t one of his normal sleepy mumbles that Alex had gotten used to. Alex frowned, but finished brushing his teeth. When he shoved his toothbrush back in his little bag of toiletries, he heard the sound again. He set the bag neatly on the shelf and headed back into the bedroom.

Michael was curled up in a little ball on his side. That was unusual. Alex was used to him taking up 75% of the bed, at least. Alex moved closer and Michael whimpered. Alex blinked. Michael was in distress. Something in his belly clenched.

‘Michael?’ Alex asked softly. He got no reply, Michael just shifted, curling himself into an even smaller ball and made another whining sound low in his throat. ‘Michael.’ Alex said a little louder, moving to his side of the bed. He knew better than to touch him, Kyle had done that with him once and he’d ended up with a black eye. Dreams could fuck you up. ‘Michael, you’re dreaming. Wake up.’

A little frown appeared on Michael’s face at Alex’s words. Maybe he heard him.

‘It’s okay. I’m right here, Michael.’ Alex sat himself down on the floor next to the spot where Michael was still curled up. He made another whimpering noise, but it was less heart-wrenching this time. ‘You’re fine. It’s not real.’ Alex pressed on, Michael uncurled a little and one of his hands appeared from where they’d been clenched against his chest. ‘It’s okay. It’s me, it’s Alex. You’re okay.’ He repeated. Michael mumbled something that sounded dangerously close to “Alex”. ‘I’m right here.’

Michael had stopped whining and flinching, he was still curled into a ball, but he looked less tense now. More aware. Alex was fairly sure it was safe to touch him now. He carefully reached out to the hand that Michael had laying on the mattress.

‘’lex.’ Yeah, he was sure now. Michael was saying his name.

‘Yeah, I’m here. Wake up.’ Michael opened his eyes just as Alex brushed his fingers against his.

‘Hey.’ He blinked like he wasn’t quite sure where or when he was.

‘Hey.’ Alex tangled his fingers with Michael’s. ‘Are you okay?’ Michael blinked tiredly at him, whatever sleep he’d gotten clearly hadn’t given him any rest.

‘I’m not sure. What happened?’

‘You were having a nightmare, I think.’ Alex said and it hurt more than he cared to admit to see Michael’s face shut down. It was like he dropped the shutters and a heavy gate and locked Alex out.

‘Oh, well. I’m fine now. Come, let’s go to bed.’ He tugged at Alex’s hand, but the fake-ass “oh look I’m _totally_ fine” voice made Alex feel a little sick.

‘You were clearly not fine.’ Alex forced his voice to stay calm, sharp would only work against him right now. ‘But if you don’t want to talk about it right now, that’s fine. Tomorrow morning is okay too.’ Alex pushed himself to his feet, letting go of Michael’s hand and manoeuvring over to his side of the bed, sliding under the covers and wiggling around until he was comfortable. When he’d settled he looked at Michael, he was staring at him. ‘What?’

‘You’re not going to push?’

‘When I told you I needed space, you gave me space. You need time, I’m giving you time.’ Alex said sincerely. Michael blinked at him, like he couldn’t quite believe what Alex was saying.

‘Okay.’

‘Okay.’ Alex confirmed. Michael watched him for a few more seconds before scooting closer and letting Alex snuggle up against his side.

Alex wasn’t just going to let this go, but he recognized the need for some breathing room. The need to figure shit out yourself before sharing it with someone, even when you trusted that person one hundred percent. It was one of the things him and Kyle or Maria had fought over. They’d know something was wrong and push and push and push until Alex wanted to run away to a tiny hut in the mountains and never come out. He was learning, at least, that’s what he was trying to do.

Michael had been there for him through Alex’s bullshit, the least he could do was try and be there when Michael needed someone.

Come morning, Alex woke up to the feeling of Michael slipping from the bed. It felt like he was trying to be quiet, sneak out. Alex shifted and watched quietly as Michael searched around for his clothes and disappeared into the bathroom. It wasn’t until Michael headed for the door that Alex spoke up.

‘You’re not trying to sneak out, are you?’ Michael stopped, hand raised towards the door.

‘Uh, no. I was just going to let you sleep in a little more.’ Michael said, but it was a lie if Alex ever heard one.

‘Well, there’s no need.’ Alex said. He sat up and pushed a few pillows behind his back so he could lean back against them. ‘C’mere.’ He patted the bed next to him.

‘Alex.’ Michael sighed.

‘Michael.’ Alex parroted. Michael rolled his eyes, but he walked away from the door and flopped down on the bed. He laid down on his back and put his head in Alex’s lap.

‘What?’ He asked once he’d settled. Alex stayed quiet. Michael knew “what”, Alex wasn’t really going to dignify that with an answer. As it turned out, silence worked. Michael lasted about a minute. ‘I don’t get them that often anymore, especially not since you’ve been around at night.’

‘Tell me?’ Alex asked, settling his hand on Michael’s head, running his fingers through the silky soft curls. Michael was like a cat, scratching his head worked every time. Michael sighed.

‘Remember that one foster family I told you about?’ Michael asked, he’d closed his eyes.

‘The one that tried to exorcise your demons?’ Alex couldn’t quite keep the flash of anger from his voice. Oh what he would give to get his hands on people like that. ‘Yeah, I remember.’

‘Sometimes I dream that I’m back there. That I never got away.’ Michael took a deep breath. ‘It’s like I’m locked in a dark basement and I keep hearing their voices, talking about what they’re going to do with me. How they’re going to “handle” me. How I’m sick, how I’m a monster. It’s like this looming darkness that just creeps closer and closer until I feel like I can’t breathe. If it lasts long enough I convince myself that I never got out, that all this is just a dream.’ Michael motioned around with his hand, eyes still closed. Alex put a little more pressure behind his fingers, a way to say “hey, this is real”.

‘You couldn’t dream this up, Michael.’ Alex said with a small smile. Michael let out a huff of laughter.

‘Yeah, that’s probably true.’ He relaxed a little more into Alex. ‘And even if this is a dream, I don’t really want to wake up.’ Alex wasn’t sure what to say to that, so he just watched Michael lay there for a bit.

‘If you ever need me to pinch you, just tell me.’

‘Thanks.’ Michael said with a laugh.

‘That was not so bad, now was it?’ Alex asked.

‘No it wasn’t.’ Michael admitted. ‘It’s weird though, because you _get_ it.’ Alex titled his head in confusion. ‘If I tell Is and Max this stuff, they don’t get it. They try, but they don’t know what it’s like to be scared like that, and I’m glad for that, but it makes it hard to tell them this stuff. I can tell that it hurts them, but they just can’t quite understand, so I just stopped telling them.’

‘Yeah, I get that.’

‘What is it like for you?’ Michael asked. Alex had to think about that for a second.

‘Well, Liz, Maria and Kyle have all met my father, I think that makes a difference. Still, it’s not the same as having lived through some of this stuff. It’s… a mindset you develop. You automatically expect the worst of people, because that way they can only positively surprise you, or prove you right.’

‘The optimistic look on pessimism.’ Michael said and Alex laughed.

‘Yeah, I guess so. It can make you feel very lonely though, when you feel like the people closest to you don’t understand.’ Alex said and Michael nodded silently. They fell back into silence, Alex still running his fingers through Michael’s hair.

They didn’t move until Alex’s phone lit up on the nightstand. He leaned over to grab it.

Maria DeLuca: _Are you up yet? _

_Yeah. _

Maria DeLuca: _Stop snuggling your bf and get down here._

Alex sighed.

‘Maria demands my attention.’ Michael whined.

‘No, you’re so comfy, I want to stay here.’ He flopped a hand against Alex’s chest, grabbing for his shirt.

‘I know, but Maria will ruin me if I ignore her.’ Alex said, working Michael’s fingers loose.

‘Maria gets you all day, nights are mine.’ Michael complained as Alex poked him in the side to get him to sit up.

‘It’s almost 9am, this doesn’t count as night anymore.’

‘Well she stole some of my time last night, so it’s only fair.’ Michael said as Alex’s phone lit up again.

Maria DeLuca: _Bring Michael_.

‘Your presence is demanded as well, I’m afraid.’ Alex patted Michael’s head before sliding from the bed and heading to the bathroom. He texted Maria back, ignoring Michael’s appreciative look as he shrugged off his shirt. He was just trying to distract him.

_Let me take a quick shower, fifteen minutes._

Alex didn’t even end up needing fifteen minutes. Mostly because he didn’t do anything with his hair, he just grabbed a team-branded hat and planted that over the brown mess.

‘Let’s go.’ He said firmly. Michael hadn’t moved from the bed, but at Alex’s request he rolled off the mattress and followed. He was still complaining under his breath, but he was leaving the room, so Alex counted that as a win. They met up with Isobel, Maria and Kyle in the breakfast hall.

‘Good morning boys.’ Maria said, her smile made Alex apprehensive. It was her “I’m up to something” smile. ‘Isobel and I were talking yesterday, and we have an idea.’

‘Oh no.’ Michael said what Alex was thinking. Isobel ignored him.

‘We were thinking that I haven’t had the opportunity to spend much time with Alex and Maria hasn’t spend much time with Michael.’ She said, hands folded neatly in front of her, looking at them like she was daring them to try and run.

‘So, for today we figured we’d switch racing boys.’ Maria said. ‘I’ll spend the day with Michael and Isobel will hang out with Alex for the day.’ Oh, this seemed like a horrible idea.

‘Shouldn’t we, um, maybe not do this in a race weekend?’ Alex suggested. Maria rolled her eyes.

‘Please, Alex. Don’t be dramatic. All I really do on race weekends is make sure you don’t forget to eat.’ Alex tried to find another argument against this. He couldn’t. It wasn’t like he was against spending time with Isobel, she seemed like someone he could get along with, but she also seemed a little intimidating.

‘Fine, whatever.’ Alex caved. Michael, who seemed to be trying to have an entire conversation with his eyebrows only, also sighed.

‘Fine.’ Isobel’s self-satisfied smile made Alex feel like he’d just been lead into a trap, but it was too late now.

The silence between him and Isobel was stifling until they got in the car. Maria had demanded they’d do this properly and take separate cars to the track for FP.

‘So, what exactly are your intentions with my brother?’ She asked, all sharp and business-like. It was good this particular car separated the back from the front so the driver couldn’t hear them. Alex took a breath before he answered. He was twenty one years old, she didn’t scare him.

‘I’m not sure what you mean by that.’ She rolled her eyes.

‘Are you going to hurt him? Because if you are, I will make you disappear, and no one will ever find your body.’ Now, this made Alex a little angry.

‘Why would I go into this with the intention to hurt him? I’m not that cruel. Look, we’re both adults, I can’t promise that I’m not going to hurt him, but I can promise I would never hurt him intentionally.’ Alex said, looking her dead in the eye. She simply raised an eyebrow at him. ‘How would you feel if I gave you the same speech about Maria?’

‘My thing with Maria is not the same, plus, she’s not your sister.’

‘She’s as close to a sister as I’ve got, and I don’t care how “casual” this is, casual can hurt just as bad. I’m not going to say anything like that though, because I trust Maria to take care of herself.’ Alex said, keeping his tone level, but firm.

‘Are you saying I don’t trust Michael?’ Isobel asked, Alex didn’t miss the steel in her voice.

‘I’m saying you don’t trust him to look out for himself.’

‘Michael doesn’t do love, but when he does, he loves hard and fast and with his entire self, that can make him blind to someone else’s faults.’ Isobel had turned towards him as much as he seatbelt allowed, her body language was challenging him to fight her on this.

‘You don’t think I’m aware of the fact that he’s too good for me?’ That was clearly not what she was expecting him to say. She narrowed her eyes and took a second to just look at him. Alex suddenly felt really vulnerable. He cleared his throat. ‘I know, okay. He’s handsome and kind and funny and talented and I’m a snappy, insecure mess. Trust me, I know, but he wants to be with me, and as long as he wants me, I’m going to be there.’

Isobel stayed quiet for a while, studying him as Alex turned away and looked out of the window. Why Maria thought this was a good idea was beyond him. Alex watched the scenery pass by. He’d had a feeling him and Isobel would either be best friends or worst enemies and right now, it seemed like they were leaning towards enemies. Maybe they could still turn it around.

‘I wasn’t expecting you to say that.’ She finally said as they exited the car and headed towards the garage.

‘Yeah, I figured that out myself.’ Alex said blankly.

‘I didn’t mean it like that.’ Alex didn’t roll his eyes because that would have been rude, but he felt like it.

‘Sure you did.’

‘No I didn’t.’ She pressed. He glanced at her, she looked serious. ‘I said that because I wanted to make sure you knew just how serious he is about this. He talks about you like you’re the best thing since sliced bread, “oh Alex did this” and “Alex said that”. He is dead serious about this, I’m just making sure you are too.’

‘I am.’

‘Yeah, I’m starting to see that.’ Isobel said. ‘Michael doesn’t really open up to people, but with some of the stuff I think he’s told you, you’re clearly an exception to that rule. He trusts you to a degree he trusts very few people, and with how you two started off, that means you’ve done _something_ right.’

‘We had some similarities in our upbringing.’ Alex said diplomatically. Isobel looked at him carefully, reading between the lines.

‘That explains some things.’ She kept her step purposeful as she walked next to him. ‘Contrary to what you seem to believe, I actually quite like you.’

Alex was kind of surprised he agreed.

‘I quite like you too.’ Sure she could be cold and harsh and she still didn’t seem to completely be on board with the idea of him being with Michael, but she clearly cared about him and so did Alex. Maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

He survived the rest of the day. They had no more major disagreements, just a small argument over tea and whether or not you should put milk in it. They did actually get along quite well. She was sharp and her quick wit matched Alex’s very well. Free practice was good too. They were looking pretty good for the weekend, the pace was solid and the Mercedes just didn’t seem to have it, which was even better.

‘One more thing.’ Isobel said as they headed back to the car. They’d barely seen anything of Maria and Michael today, so Alex was curious to hear how that went. ‘I know the team is aiming for you to win the championship this year, and that’s fine, but Michael wants to win too.’

‘I know. The only reason he’s not giving me a run for my money is because he’s had a lot of bad luck.’ Alex said, holding the door open for Isobel. She nodded approvingly at him.

‘That’s right. Next year he’s going to bring the heat.’

‘I’ll be ready.’ Alex said easily. At this point, he felt like he could separate what happened on the track, with how he felt off the track. That hypothesis hadn’t really been tested yet, but he felt good about it.

When he met up with Michael he seemed much more relaxed than he’d been that morning. Maria had been her normal sweet self to him and she’d also dragged Kyle along as much as she could. Michael even admitted to kind of liking Kyle from time to time, when he wasn’t being a dick, obviously.

‘So Alex, you’ve kind of ruined Ferrari’s party here, how are you feeling about the race tomorrow?’ One of the reporters at the press conference asked jokingly. Alex grinned. He had kind of screwed up Ferrari’s front row lock by setting the second fastest time in his last lap, pushing the Ferrari in second back to the second starting row.

‘Manes always ruins everything.’ Long made it out as a joke, but Alex knew him well enough to hear the nasty undertone. Alex responded with one of his better fake-laughs.

‘I feel pretty good about it to be honest, the car has been amazing these last few races and I hope we can keep that up for the rest of the season.’ Alex answered.

‘What’s the secret? You’ve really been on a roll since the summer break, is there anything you’re doing differently?’ Another reporter asked. Alex responded with a sly grin.

‘Well, if I told you, it wouldn’t be much of a secret, now would it?’ That got him a laugh from the room. ‘No, I don’t think there really is one-‘ He was going to say that there wasn’t really a secret, he was just driving well in a great car, but a disbelieving noise from Long interrupted him. This guy was just making a point to involve himself in everything at this point.

‘Of course you don’t want to share your secrets.’ He said and the look in Long’s eyes was far too knowing and threatening. Alex forced another smile.

‘I don’t think there’s a secret, I’ve just been lucky enough that the car has been running really well and I’ve been able to get a few wins in the last few weeks.’ Maybe if he just didn’t give him any attention, he’d get bored and stop, that was how you dealt with little kids right?

When they were released from the press building Long stayed annoyingly close to Alex, who caught up to Michael, Maria and Isobel. When Long kept following them, Alex could feel the anger start behind his breastbone and spread over the rest of his body.

‘Can I help you?’ Alex asked by the time they’d reached the Red Bull garage. Maria, who’d been in the middle of a random, meaningless story to distract them, stopped in the middle of a sentence.

‘I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page.’ Long smiled coldly at him.

‘We’ve never been on the same page.’ Alex said, he’d stuffed his hands in his jacket pockets so Long couldn’t see they were balled into fists.

‘Look, I’ve started to realize some things, and I suggest you start being a little nicer to me or-‘

‘Or _what_?’ Alex asked. He could tell by the way Maria tensed that he sounded dangerous. ‘Look, I get it, you’re not getting podiums anymore, no one is paying attention to you anymore, so you figure “hey let’s piss Alex off, then people will pay attention to me” and I get it, life is hard, but let me make this very clear. If you ever threaten me, or him again, I will _ruin_ you.’ Alex said with a quick nod in the direction of Michael.

‘Oh and how were you planning on doing that?’ Long asked, but his bravado wasn’t very convincing.

‘Haven’t you heard? I’m a Manes, I ruin everything. It’s what I do.’ He threw Long’s own words back in his face. He didn’t wait for a response, he just turned on his heel and walked into the garage, he could hear the others follow.

‘I liked that.’ Isobel said, bumping her shoulder against his. ‘Good job.’ Alex returned the gesture.

And if the next day, Alex snickered to himself in the car when Long had to bow out with engine problems, well, no one had to know about that. And if he did a little mental wave at him from the second step of the podium, well that was nobody’s business but his own. His song of the weekend? Gives You Hell, by the All-American Rejects.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter I think we're probably doing 2 races, Japan and Mexico. 
> 
> Comments make me squeal with delight!


	17. The weird and the novelties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mexico comes around and it's nearing Halloween. Can Alex finally take the lead in the Championship? And how does Alex handle Wyatt Long this time around?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter seventeen, holy shit. I think this is one of the shorter chapters, but the next few are going to be big ones, so I'm preeeeetty excited to head into the last few chapters here!

Japan was the home race for their engine producer Honda, which meant they had to do twice as many interviews and appearances. That meant they barely had time to eat and sleep, let alone see much of each other. Alex was actually relieved to be in his car, where no one was allowed to bother him anymore, where all he had to think about was race, not smiling and being polite and saying nice things about the engine and avoiding questions about whether or not he was winning the championship this year. He was exhausted and the race had barely started.

Him and Tyler had been doing the math, he needed to finish top 2 in every race from now on, and ideally, he needed to keep the Mercedes behind him. Especially the one still ahead of him in the championship standings. He wasn’t that far ahead anymore, but there were only 5 races left, and Alex was so close, he wasn’t going to let this go now. They’d had a team meeting about it too, where Michael had agreed that if the situation called for it, he would give up a position to Alex. He knew Michael didn’t _want _to, _Alex_ didn’t even really want to (he liked to win because he was better, not because someone willingly let him pass), but it was common sense.

It was common racing strategy.

So when Alex was behind Michael, who was in second, with three laps to go, Alex’s radio came to life.

‘_Alright Alex, we’re going to have you two switch positions on the long straight_.’ Tyler said, he sounded like he was expecting Alex to fight him on it, which was _silly_, they’d _just_ discussed this. Apparently that didn’t matter because Alex’s brain immediately screamed _no_.

‘Copy.’ He said instead. He wasn’t making Michael give up a podium, just trade a second place for a third. The Mercedes was in fourth so it would bring Alex within only a few points of the championship lead. It needed to happen. Didn’t mean it felt good.

So, Michael braked early on the finishing straight and Alex didn’t, passing his teammate cleanly around the outside. The uncomfortable churn of guilt in his stomach was new, and unwelcome. It wasn’t as fun, celebrating second place when you felt like you hadn’t earned it. Michael wasn’t having it.

‘Stop pouting.’ He said as they were doing a final lap of the hotel room to make sure they (read: Michael) hadn’t forgotten anything.

‘I’m not pouting.’

‘Yes you are, I spend about fifty percent of my time staring at your mouth, and you’re definitely pouting.’ Alex cast his eyes towards the heavens.

‘I just don’t like getting podiums like this.’

‘I know you don’t.’ Michael grabbed Alex’s hand as he tried to pass by him and pulled him back. ‘Hey, I meant what I said in the meeting the other day. Next year I’m not getting out of the way for _anyone_, but this year? This year, you’re going to win it all, and if I have to take everyone else out to make that happen, I will.’

‘Please don’t do that.’ Alex said, because crashes weren’t something to be looked at lightly.

‘Figure of speech.’ Michael smiled at him, Alex sighed, but didn’t resist as Michael pulled him into a hug. ‘You did good today.’

‘So did you.’

‘Okay, so now that we’ve established that, can you help me find my phone charger, because I’ve just realized I don’t have it.’ Alex let his head fall back and groaned.

‘How you manage to lose these things is beyond me.’ 

It took them five minutes to find the charger stuck between the bedframe and the mattress. When it had been safely tucked into Michael’s bag they were finally ready to head to the airport. They were flying directly to Mexico, it was more efficient than heading back to Europe and _then_ flying to North America.

When they sat down in Red Bull’s private plane, Alex was once again reminded of how amazing his life was. Michael napped as Isobel, Maria and Alex played poker with peanuts. Maria won by a lot, as she usually did. Alex was still convinced she was cheating, somehow, he just couldn’t figure it out. By the time they landed in Mexico City, Alex was fucking exhausted. That was the problem with not being able to sleep on planes.

‘You’ll make sure he actually makes it to a bed, right?’ He vaguely registered Maria asking when they made their way into their hotel for the week.

‘Yeah.’ Michael’s amused voice floated into his brain. A soft hand on his back lead him down what seemed like random hallways. He didn’t really remember how he ended up in a bed, just that the moment his head hit a pillow he fell asleep.

They spend the next two days sleeping and enjoying the sunshine and also working out a little because Kyle wouldn’t let them off the hook. It was really nice, but Alex’s mind had some trouble shutting down. It kept reminding him that there was only 4 races left and he was still in second (only by two points but still), that he was so close, over and over and over again.

When Jenna texted them to meet her on Wednesday morning, he was ready for a nice distraction. He hadn’t really counted on _this_ being their Fun Thing of the Week.

‘We’re watching scenes from fucking horror movies?’ Alex asked, horrified. Michael, who’d clapped his hands excitedly when Jenna told them turned to him.

‘You don’t like scary movies?’ He asked with a grin.

‘No, why would I want to be scared? I watch movies for fun, not so they can traumatize me.’ Alex said with a frown. He’d never liked scary movies, when he was a kid his brothers had taken him to see American Psycho and the Exorcist and Alex had had nightmares for _weeks_. He was not excited about this.

‘Aw, it’s okay.’ Michael said, but he was grinning way too much for Alex to feel like he meant that. Alex narrowed his eyes at him.

‘Don’t make fun of me.’

‘I’m not, I swear.’ Michael said, holding one hand over his heart and the other in the air. He stepped closer as Jenna rolled her eyes and walked over to the set they’d put together. ‘You’re so cute.’

‘Stop it.’ Alex said, fighting a smile.

‘It’s okay baby, I’ll protect you.’ Michael said in a low voice, grin still firmly in place.

‘I’m going to _kick_ you _so_ hard if you don’t shut your mouth.’ Alex threatened half-heartedly. Michael laughed and turned to walk over to the couch that was set up. Alex whined, but followed.

It was actually a pretty cool set up. The couch itself was dark and it was surrounded with Halloween themed stuff. Fake light-up pumpkins, creepy witch-like dolls, fake spiderwebs and even a small skeleton man. There was also a few pillows on the couch, good, Alex could hide behind those.

He made sure to sigh dramatically before sitting down. The TV they were apparently watching this movie on was huge and Alex hated this more by the second. He folded his feet under himself and immediately confiscated one of the soft, fluffy grey pillows, clutching it against his chest. Michael was watching him, he looked incredibly amused. Alex glared at him.

When Jenna gave them the go-ahead to introduce themselves, Michael took the lead.

‘Hi! Greetings from Mexico. We’re only a few days away from Halloween, so today we’re watching some of the most iconic scenes from horror movies!’ Michael said with a grin.

‘Yay.’ Alex said as unenthused as possible. Michael laughed.

‘Oh yeah, Alex hates scary movies, apparently.’

‘Oh yeah, hate ‘em.’ Alex confirmed.

‘Well, I _love_ scary movies, so this should be good.’ Michael grinned and Jenna gave them a thumbs up.

It wasn’t _that_ bad. Michael was distracting enough that Alex didn’t actually feel like running away or hiding behind the couch. He actually managed to make Alex laugh a few times and he also knew a ridiculous amount of random movie facts. After they signed off, Alex felt like he had to thank Michael, so he did.

‘Thanks.’

‘For what?’

‘For not making fun of me and actually making his bearable.’ Alex shrugged, trying to stay casual even though he was being totally sincere.

‘Of course.’ Michael bumped his shoulder against Alex’s. He stuck close and lowered his voice. ‘And, you know, if you need someone to cuddle tonight…’ Alex rolled his eyes and pushed Michael away from him.

‘That’s every night, asshole.’ Michael laughed, loud and warm and free and holy shit Alex loved him. Wait. Oh.

‘Why are you looking at me like that?’ He’d clearly looked at him funny, or been quiet for too long because Michael looked a little concerned.

‘Nothing, just still processing the horrors I just watched.’ Alex lied, fairly smoothly, even if he said so himself. Michael nodded slowly.

‘Okay.’ He said before slinging his arm over Alex’s shoulder and dragging him along. ‘Alright, I need something to drink. Let’s go find some coffee.’ His touch was casual enough that they could absolutely pass it off as friendly, but they both knew it meant more.

‘I know a place.’

Alex was yet again, glad he spoke Spanish, because the best little coffee place, was one outside of the track that him and Maria had found last year. Michael hummed happily after taking his first sip. They were heading back to the hotel. Kyle had promised hellfire and destruction if they tried to avoid him today. When they made it to the hotel gym after getting changed, they found Isobel and Maria there too.

‘Did he rope you in as well?’ Michael bumped his hip against Isobel’s. She glared at him.

‘Yes, I regret everything.’ Michael laughed easily. Maria reached over and squeezed Alex’s hand. He looked over at her and she made a face at him.

_Are you okay?_

‘I’m fine.’ He said, smiling at her to make sure she believed him. Besides massive revelations about how deep his feelings for Michael actually went, he _was_ fine. ‘Jenna made us watch horror movies.’ Maria snorted.

‘How did that go?’

‘He hid behind a pillow for most of the time.’ Michael grinned, easily avoiding Alex’s half-hearted attempt at hitting him.

‘I did not.’

‘You totally did.’

‘You screamed when Pennywise came on screen.’ Alex said with a look to Isobel. ‘He sounded about six.’

‘Ah yes, his “oh god I saw a clown” scream, that’s a good one.’ Isobel smirked at her brother.

‘Traitor.’ He hissed at her, she replied by sticking her tongue out at him. It always made Alex smile to see them like this. Like proper siblings.

‘Alright, enough stalling!’ Kyle called out, clapping his hands. He was clearly in his no-nonsense trainer mode. ‘We’ll start with some cardio, let’s go.’

‘I hate him.’ Alex groaned, laying on the floor of the gym. He had his hands over his head, trying to catch his breath.

‘No you don’t.’ Michael said. He was sitting on the mat next to Alex, water bottle almost empty, his curls sticking to his forehead.

‘Oh yes, I do.’ Alex argued. Kyle had worked them to the bone. Alex was pretty sure he knew why. Alex had told him that he couldn’t get his brain to shut off. Kyle’s solution was to tire his body out to the point where it _had _to sleep.

‘I don’t.’ Michael said in a tone that made Alex look over at him again. Michael let his eyes drag over Alex’s body slowly, with intent. Alex raised his eyebrows at him. ‘I know what all this is for.’ Michael added with a nod at Alex.

‘Ah, so it’s just about the abs, huh? Good to know.’ He teased. ‘Well in that case, I guess I don’t hate Kyle _that much_.’ He pushed himself up and leaned towards Michael. ‘I do enjoy looking at you too.’ Michael bit his lip.

‘We can justify getting room service, right?’

‘Oh yes.’

‘You know, Manes. I think I’ve figured it out.’ Alex dropped his head back, hitting the wall with a thud and groaned dramatically.

‘For the love of god, can you go find a hobby or something?’ He asked Long. The asshole had come walking up to Alex while he was just sitting on the couch, minding his own business, waiting for the driver’s meeting to start. He was sitting there with Michael and Charles, the young driver from Ferrari.

‘Maybe figuring out what you’re up to is my hobby.’

‘That’s called stalking.’ Alex said with a sarcastic smile. It earned him a soft laugh from Charles. Charles also seemed to sense that there was a tension here he didn’t really want to be around, because he pushed himself off the couch and disappeared with a soft:

‘See you guys later.’

‘It’s him, right?’ Long asked, jutting his chin out in the direction of Michael, who was looking at him like he was trying to strangle him with his mind.

‘That is Michael Guerin. My teammate. The rookie that is still beating you in the standings.’ Alex said like he was talking to a small child.

‘Yeah, but is he _just_ your teammate?’ Long said. How was it possible for him to have a face that just _screamed_ “hit me please”? Alex raised an eyebrow. He was so tired of Long’s attempt at mind games. Alex had faced worse.

‘You know what’s so funny about this whole thing?’ Alex asked, as he stood up from the couch. He moved into Long’s space as he spoke. ‘You think you’re threatening me with this, you think I’m going to get scared and start losing my focus, but here’s the thing, Wyatt. I’m not ashamed.’ Alex kept his smile firmly on his face. ‘And you’re not going to say anything, because all that will do, is paint you as a homophobe, which you are, and a giant dickbag, which you also are. You feel the need to try and bully your former teammate, who’s a decade younger than you are, because you’re irrelevant.’

‘Oh really?’

‘Yeah. It’s easy to figure that out.’ Alex made sure to smile even more condescendingly. ‘How about you just accept you’re never going to get another podium in Formula One and go find a hobby that doesn’t involve sticking your nose in my private life. Go learn how to crochet or something.’

‘Or knitting, I’ve been told that’s fun too.’ Michael’s voice was much closer than Alex had expected it.

Long clenched his jaw, glaring daggers at them, but he seemed to realize he had nothing on them. Nothing that they would bend over backwards to keep secret. Alex hadn’t exactly talked to Michael about this, but he _knew_ Wyatt wasn’t going to talk. He just hoped Michael wasn’t mad he’d basically dared him to tell. Long turned on his heel and disappeared without another word. Alex was pretty sure he’d have spit at the ground if they had been outside.

‘That was interesting.’ Alex said, titling his head as Long angrily poured himself a cup of coffee.

‘That was badass.’ Michael said, his voice was low and gave Alex goosebumps. ‘You just got up in his face and called his bluff.’

‘He’s a coward at heart.’ Michael let out a disbelieving laugh. Alex turned around and Michael was watching him with a look so soft it made something in Alex’s chest _squeeze_. 

‘Did you have a song for the weekend yet?’ Michael asked. Alex tilted his head. He had an idea, but it was not subtle at all and he was still a little scared of admitting it out loud, that one would have to wait.

‘We should do one in the theme of the weekend right? Halloween-ish.’ Alex mused. ‘How about Highway to Hell, AC/DC.’

‘Not really a Halloween song, but I bet you want to send Long down the highway to hell.’ Michael grinned.

‘Well, there’s that.’ Alex shrugged.

‘Ready?’ Tyler asked, leaning over the cockpit.

‘Ready.’ Alex confirmed, giving him a thumbs up. He was more than ready to get out there and get going. The lead up to the race today had seemed unbearably long. There’d been endless discussions over an incident during qualifying that Alex had had no part in and he was just tired of the questions and he just wanted to get going.

Could they just let him race already?

‘_Alright Alex, radio check_?’ Mister Valenti’s voice sounded as Alex saw Tyler just disappear off the track.

‘Loud and clear.’

‘_Alright, ready to fight for this?’ _Alex stared hard at the silver car in front of him.

‘I’m always ready for a fight.’

‘_Good._’

His radio went silent as the lights turned on one by one and then went off. Alex kept it calm for the first few corners, just staying on the track, not getting in trouble, letting everything around him settle down, letting the field stretch out a little before going for it.

He knew it was a good one. He could feel it in his whole body, his heartbeat. His mind was one hundred percent on it and in it. This was really where everything else going on in his mind went quiet. Where all he had to do was be in the moment, in the race, only thinking about the next corner, because if you didn’t make it through that one, the rest didn’t matter.

‘_You are absolutely flying Alex, keep it up._’ Tyler sounded equally focussed.

He passed one car, and then another and then hunted the Mercedes in first until he passed him too. It was like everything just clicked into place. The car ran like a dream, the weather was exactly right and he felt _good._ He simply wasn’t going to lose today. He wasn’t. He was going to win and take the lead in the championship and not give it back.

This was his year.

He didn’t think a win had ever felt this good. Of course, he thought that every time. His favourite win was always the next one. Champagne still tasted awful, that sadly never changed. However, getting it all up in his hair and down the back of his racing suit (god dammit Michael) wasn’t the worst thing ever. Especially not when the first question he got asked was:

‘As of right now, you are leading the Formula One World Championship. How does it feel?’

‘It feels pretty good.’ Alex said and he could hear Michael laugh. ‘This is what I’ve been fighting for all year and now I’m so close to getting there, it’s almost unbelievable.’

‘There’s only three races to go, it’s going to come down to the wire here. Do you think that’s good for the sport?’

‘Yes, absolutely. I think this year there are still four guys that could technically win it with three races to go and I think that’s great. We’ve had quite a few different winners this season and I think it’s great for the sport, it makes it so much less predictable. It’s not fun when you already know who’s going to win the championship with five races to go. We want to make it exciting, and this year is certainly that.’

‘If you win, you would be the youngest World Champion in Formula One history, does that make you want to win it any more this year?’

‘Well, it’s in the back of your mind, that’s for sure, but I really just want to win.’ Alex said with a grin.

‘Alright, thank you Alex, enjoy this win.’

‘I will, thank you.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, on to chapter 18 where the boys head to the good ol' US of A. We'll get to go see Mimi, Liz, Max and maybe we'll dress the boys up in some cowboy gear, how about that?
> 
> Comments make me squeal with delight.


	18. Don't ever change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mimi is a Malex stan, Max is clueless and Alex has Elvis Presley stuck in his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, strap in everyone, because it's a long one. I forgot how much I love writing Mimi, she's the MVP. 
> 
> Thank you again for all your wonderfully kind comments on this fic. I can't believe we're almost at the end.

Driving into Roswell, New Mexico made every fibre of Alex’s being scream to turn around, to run. To do a one-eighty and just drive in the opposite direction until he ran out of road. He didn’t though. He was here with a goal, on a mission. Mimi did so much for him growing up, this was the least he could do. Maria kept glancing at him from the passenger seat, he knew his knuckles were white with his death grip on the steering wheel.

‘We can still turn around.’ She said quietly.

‘Stop giving me an out. We’re doing this.’ He said firmly in reply. He was already within town limits, it was too late to back out now.

‘Alright. Take a left here.’ Maria said, leaning forward and pointing to where he needed to go. Alex kept his eyes firmly forward as he followed Maria’s instructions. He forced himself not to look at every middle aged white man. He wasn’t going to run into the man, he just needed to send those vibes into the universe.

‘This is it right?’ Alex asked as he parked next to the building.

‘Yeah, we’re here.’ Maria sounded apprehensive. Alex understood. He turned the car off and hopped out.

‘Come on. Let’s go.’ Alex said as he made his way over to her side of the car. He held his hand out to her and she sighed but kicked the door open and took his hand before slamming the door shut.

‘Fine.’ Alex hit the button to lock the car and pulled Maria along into the building.

He got Maria’s apprehension. It was never fun to admit something wasn’t going well. Especially when it came to family. Mimi had done so much for Alex, much like Kyle’s father, he wasn’t about to forget about that just because she couldn’t always remember his name anymore. There were times that she did, and there were times where she knew she knew him, but she wasn’t quite sure how.

‘Alex.’ Today seemed to be a good day. Mimi smiled warmly as she reached out to him. She was sitting in a chair by the window, looking out over the desert. Alex leaned down to hug her.

‘Hi Mimi.’ He said, letting himself bask in the warmth she seemed to radiate for a second.

‘Maria, sweetie.’ Mimi turned to her daughter after Alex let her go.

‘Hey mom.’ Maria hugged her mom as Alex dragged two chairs over to her.

‘So, Alex, tell me about this boy.’ Alex blinked at her as she looked at him expectantly. What? Maria smirked at him.

‘I don’t-‘ Mimi gave him a (for her) sharp look. ‘He’s great?’ She smiled and motioned for him to continue. ‘Maria must have told you about him, right? His name is Michael and he’s very kind and funny.’

‘And handsome.’ Maria added. ‘And I didn’t tell her anything.’

‘She didn’t have to, boy. I could feel him, and I can feel you too, you are so much happier.’ Alex didn’t believe in this stuff. He really didn’t. But it was really hard not to believe the sincerity in Mimi’s face when she smiled all serenely at him like this. ‘I’m glad. You were always such a strong kid, but it’s good that you don’t always have to be so strong anymore.’

Alex didn’t know what to say. He didn’t even really know what to do. He felt like laughing and crying at the same time. He just didn’t understand. How could she read him like this? How could she put into words exactly how he felt, when he couldn’t even find the words himself.

‘Alex is going to win the championship this year, mom.’ Maria gave him some room to breathe by breaching a new subject.

Alex wasn’t ashamed to admit he didn’t really listen while Maria and her mom talked. His mind went to Michael. He did make Alex feel safe. Safer than he’d felt in a long time, at least with someone he hadn’t known as long as Kyle, Liz and Maria. There was just something about him that made all of Alex’s reservations and rules fly right out of the door. Something that made him feel fearless and free.

‘Alex, sweetie.’ Alex blinked out of his thoughts. Mimi was smiling at him like she knew exactly what he’d been thinking about. ‘Make sure you tell him how you feel. It’s okay, he feels the same.’

By the time they left, Alex was humming along to the song playing in his head.

‘Are you humming Elvis Presley?’ Maria asked, opening the driver’s side door. She’d offered to drive them the first leg of their 500 mile journey to Austin, Texas. They had both agreed they wanted to do the trip in one go, they had incentive to get to Austin. Michael, Isobel and Kyle had flown straight there from Mexico.

‘Yeah.’ Alex said, hopping into the passenger seat. He felt so much lighter now. He was leaving this hellhole, he hadn’t seen his dad, he’d seen Mimi. He was going to Michael.

‘You two communicate in songs, right?’ Maria asked as she smoothly moved the car out onto the road again.

‘Sometimes.’

‘Text him which song you’re humming right now.’ Maria glanced at him sharply. ‘You heard my mom, Alex. She’s never wrong.’

Wouldn’t that be poetic. In this town, where he’d been _so afraid_ of people knowing, of anyone finding out. He’d been so damn scared and he’d felt so alone. But he wasn’t. Not anymore. Wouldn’t it be the best and the biggest fuck you?

_I’ve got a song for the week(end)_

He texted Michael. Immediately the little speech bubble appeared. His phone vibrated in his hand.

Michael Guerin: _A little early, but alright. Hit me._

Alex hesitated over the letters.

_Elvis Presley_

Michael Guerin: _Are you wearing Blue Suede Shoes?_

Alex laughed and Maria sighed and rolled her eyes, but Alex didn’t miss her smile.

_No, and I’m not going to jail either. _

Michael Guerin: _So, which one is it?_

So, this was where he was supposed to do it.

‘Should I not do this face-to-face?’ He asked Maria. She’d turned the radio on, it was playing some kind of country song.

‘It’s your call, do whatever feels right.’ He wanted to do it here. Now.

_Can’t help falling in love_

Alex hit send and immediately squeezed his eyes shut. The longer his phone stayed silent, the more sick he felt. He nearly dropped his phone when it started buzzing in his hand. Michael was calling him. His hand was shaking as he swiped to accept the call.

‘_How far away from Austin are you right now?’_ Michael sounded….wrecked.

‘About seven and a half hours.’ Alex said, Maria titled her head.

‘_Tell Maria to step on it. Seriously Alex, you can’t just text me shit like that when you’re, like, a thousand miles away from me_-‘

‘Five hundred.’

‘-_what am I supposed to do now? God I need you to be here yesterday_.’ Michael barrelled through.

‘I take it you like the song?’

‘_Like it? Fucking hell Alex. Wise men say, only fools rush in_-‘

‘But I can’t help, falling in love with you.’ Alex finished. ‘Yeah, I know. I was talking to Maria’s mom, and she was saying how I seem so much happier, lighter and I know we probably shouldn’t do this over the phone, but when have we ever been traditional, right?’ Michael laughed, a light almost a little watery sound. ‘And since we talk through music a lot, I figured…’

‘_Get here_.’ Michael just said and Alex could feel his cheeks heat up at the promise in those two words.

‘Copy.’ Alex said. He hung up and Maria glanced at him all knowingly. ‘Shut up.’

‘I didn’t say anything.’

‘No, but I can feel you thinking.’ Maria laughed. ‘Michael told me to tell you to step on it.’

‘I bet he did.’ Maria grinned as they passed by the sign saying they were leaving Roswell, New Mexico.

Maria was back behind the wheel by the time they made it to Austin, which was probably good, because Alex was about ready to push their rental to Formula One speeds.

‘Why the fuck didn’t I wait?’

‘Something about a big fuck you to the town that tried to break you?’ Maria repeated. They’d been over this, at least twice at this point. Alex was glad she still found it somewhat amusing, and that she hadn’t kicked him from the car. Alex felt like his entire body was vibrating. He just wanted to see his face.

‘Right. It seems really stupid in retrospect.’

‘I’ll drop you off in front of the hotel and then I’ll go find a parking spot.’ Maria said with a sigh.

‘You are an angel. Have I told you that today?’ Alex asked, folding his hands together.

‘No, not today.’

‘Well, Maria DeLuca, you are an angel.’

‘Yeah, yeah, yeah. Suck up to me a little more, why don’t ya?’ She waved him off, but grinned none the less. She pulled to a stop in front of a large building. ‘Room 412. Go on.’ Alex unbuckled his seatbelt and threw the door open.

‘I love you!’ Alex called before letting the door fall shut.

He was pretty sure that the staff thought he was slightly insane. He had to check in, he wasn’t about to get tackled by a security guard because he looked like a crazy person. He nodded and smiled, but also impatiently tapped his foot as the lady behind the desk checked him in with a wonderfully soft Southern drawl.

‘Thank you.’ He said hurriedly before heading to the elevator. God these things were so _slow_.

He felt a little insane, bursting from the elevator, head whipping around to find the right hallway. He could feel his blood rush through his body. He needed the calm Michael brought. He found the right room number in one go, by some divine intervention. He knocked. The footsteps on the other side of the door were hurried, stumbling and then hurried again. The door opened.

‘Thank fucking god.’ Michael grabbed him by the back of the neck and dragged him inside the room. ‘You fucking little shit.’ Michael said before dragging Alex into a heated kiss. Alex somehow managed to kick the door shut behind him before tripping forward, nearly breaking his neck over something on the floor.

‘Listen.’ Alex managed between kisses. ‘I love you, but dear god-‘ kiss ‘how his your room already a hazard to my-’ kiss ‘safety?’

‘You love me. That’s all I heard from that.’ Michael pressed his forehead into Alex’s. Everything was sort of out of focus, but sharing breath like this, felt right.

‘Yeah. You’re messy and kind and I love you.’

‘I love you too.’ Michael laughed into the little space between them. ‘You have terrible timing, you’re stubborn and gorgeous and funny and honest, and I love you.’

‘You’re going to have to tell me that, like, fifty more times.’

‘I can do that.’ Michael said earnestly. Alex kissed him, because what else was he supposed to do? He dug his fingers into Michael’s hair and tried to pour everything into that kiss. Everything he didn’t have the words to say. Every touch felt magnified, like someone had taken their connection and doubled the intensity of it. When Michael kissed his way down Alex’s chest he had goosebumps all over. _I love you, I love you, I love you_. His brain kept chanting it over and over and over again.

‘Alright boys, saddle up.’ Jenna looked immensely proud of herself.

‘It is too early for puns.’ Michael said.

‘It’s _never_ too early for puns.’ Jenna disagreed.

‘It’s too early for everything.’ Alex mumbled. Jenna narrowed her eyes at them. They met Jenna at eight am in front of what seemed to be some sort of cowboy store. There was a literal cartoon picture of a cowboy on his horse on the storefront and all Alex could see through the window seemed to be boots and hats and flannel.

‘The lovely folks here are opening early so we can film here. Get your game faces on, there will be no complaining from this moment forward.’ Her voice promised hellfire and destruction if they didn’t comply.

It was actually pretty fun. Even though Alex had grown up in New Mexico, he’d never really been one for the cowboy get up. He’d never owned a cowboy hat or boots and sure, he had a few flannels, but what kind of self-respecting gay didn’t? Michael however, seemed very much in his element. They just meandered around the store. Alex picked out a soft green/yellow-ish flannel for Michael and Michael in turn, picked out a deep red/black one for Alex.

‘Speaking to the emo kid in me huh?’ He asked with a grin, shaking his team branded jacket off his shoulders and switching it out for the flannel. Michael grinned back at him and shrugged.

‘It’s a good colour on you.’ Alex clenched his hands into fists in order not to reach out to him right there. He turned away and headed to the hats. He stood in front of the seemingly endless row of cowboy hats in all possible colours. He tapped a finger against his chin thoughtfully. Michael was jabbering on about something to the camera, so Alex wandered to the end of the row.

‘Oh yes.’ Alex whispered to himself, plucking the all black hat from the shelf. ‘Hey Michael!’ He called. ‘Come try this on.’ He started walking back to where the crew was. When he found them he planted the hat on Michael’s head. He huffed and readjusted it.

Oh. Alex had had somewhat of an idea that it would look good on Michael, but he hadn’t quite counted on the swoop of _want_ that swept through his system.

‘How do I look?’ Michael asked the camera with a cocky grin and oh yeah, there was a camera here.

‘Eh, alright.’ Alex shrugged, Michael made an insulted noise.

‘_Alright?_’

‘Yeah, it’s fine.’ Michael huffed and disappeared towards a mirror. Alex followed quickly, much more quickly than the camera crew and the guy with the mic could follow.

‘It’s fine, _bullshit_, I look great in this.’ Michael was mumbling to himself.

‘If you don’t buy that thing I will throw a complete temper tantrum.’ Alex said, sliding up next to the mirror. Michael raised an eyebrow at him.

‘I thought it was “fine”.’

‘You look fine, mighty fine. Like “damn girl, you fine”.’ Alex did his best impression of an annoying straight guy. Michael snorted out a laugh.

‘So it looks good?’

‘If there wasn’t a camera around…’ Alex let his sentence trail off as the crew caught up with them.

‘And?’ Jenna asked.

‘I think I’m going to buy it.’ Michael said with a shrug that wasn’t half as casual as he’d meant it. Alex smirked.

They spend some more time trying to wrangle their feet in and out of cowboy boots. Alex had to give it to them, they were much more comfortable than they looked, once you had them on, that was. Alex may have hummed “These boots are made for walking” the entire time. Michael thought it was hilarious, so that was all that mattered.

‘Even though we had to get up at the ass-crack of dawn, this was fun.’ Alex admitted as they headed back to the car.

‘Yeah it was.’ Michael agreed. Jenna, who had just send the crew off in the van, walked over to them as Alex went to duck into the passenger seat of their SUV.

‘So, how long have you two been dating?’

Alex banged his head into the roof of the car.

‘_Ow_.’ He whined. ‘Jesus Christ, Jenna, was that necessary?’

‘Yeah, it was.’ She said, hands on her hips. ‘I’ve known you for _years_ Alex Manes, the least you could have done was give me a heads up.’

‘Sorry?’ Michael looked uncertain. Alex sighed.

‘Sorry.’

‘How long?’ Jenna asked again.

‘Since the summer break.’ Alex rubbed the top of his head, that had not felt good at all.

‘Oh for fucks sake.’ Jenna threw her hands in the air.

‘We said sorry.’ Alex tried and failed not to sound like a little kid.

‘Yeah, yeah, whatever. Now I’m just going to have to try and get the editors to cut out most of the flirting you guys were just doing.’ Jenna rolled her eyes and snatched the keys from Michael’s hand. ‘Unreal.’

‘Liz.’ Alex grinned as she threw herself into his arms, squealing.

‘Alex!’ He could feel her smile against his shoulder. He’d missed her. _Man_, had he missed her.

‘Nice to see you too, I’ve been fine, don’t worry about me.’ Michael pouted, Alex let go of Liz with one hand to gently shove Michael.

‘No need to be jealous.’ Liz said as she let go of Alex and pulled Michael towards her for a hug. ‘I promise he doesn’t like me like that.’ Michael huffed out a laugh.

‘Maybe I’m jealous of _him_.’ He said with a truly ridiculous smirk.

Liz pushed him back to look at him with narrowed eyes.

‘If you tried anything like that I’d make you sing soprano for a week.’ Michael widened his eyes.

‘_Okay_. Got it.’

‘He was kidding.’ Alex reassured Liz, rubbing her shoulder to get her out of attack-mode.

‘Totally kidding.’ Michael said.

‘Michael.’ Oh right, Max was there. ‘Aren’t you going to introduce me?’ Alex turned to Max with a frown. He was looking at Liz like… oh good god.

‘Liz, this is Michael’s brother Max. Max, this is my best friend, Liz.’ Alex introduced them, because it didn’t seem like Michael was going to. Liz smiled at him and shook his hand. Max looked awestruck. Alex sighed.

‘Let’s go get some food, yeah?’ Michael said, he was mostly looking confusedly at Max.

They lead the way, Max and Liz chatting behind them as they followed.

‘What is happening?’ Michael asked.

‘Your brother is trying to flirt with my best friend.’

‘Max doesn’t flirt.’

‘Well, I didn’t say he was doing a good job, I was just saying he was trying.’ Michael laughed. ‘This would be ridiculous though.’

‘Why?’ Michael asked with a frown.

‘Well, your sister is already sleeping with Maria, now your brother wants to date my other best friend, do you have another long lost sibling that could sweep Kyle off his feet? Then the party would be complete.’ Michael snorted.

‘Nah, not that I know of.’ Michael shook his head.

‘Hm, too bad.’

‘How are you feeling about qualifying?’

‘Pretty good. The car felt awesome in FP, so it should be a good weekend.’

‘A win would go a long way, right?’ Michael asked. Alex nodded.

‘Yeah, if I win here, I could lock in the championship next week.’ Alex could feel a wave of nerves run through him. ‘But the Mercedes would have to finish out of the points in Brazil, and I don’t see that happening yet.’

‘So it might come down to the wire, huh?’ Michael bumped his shoulder against Alex’s.

‘Yep. It might not be decided until Abu Dhabi.’ Alex was okay with that. If the only thing he needed to do, was keep that one car behind him, he could do that.

‘On the other hand, I’ve heard it might rain in Brazil next week, rain is good.’

‘Yeah, rain would be good.’ Alex agreed. Most drivers didn’t enjoy rain, Alex did, because he knew it would give him opportunities.

‘Well, than we’ll just have to get you some rain.’ Alex laughed.

‘What are you going to do? Throw buckets of water onto the track?’ He asked, sliding onto the bench next to Michael. They’d finally made it to the cafeteria.

‘I was thinking about a sprinkler system, but buckets might be easier.’ Michael nodded thoughtfully. Max, who slid onto the bench across from him, seemed to have dragged himself out of his conversation with Liz. He was frowning at them. ‘What?’ Michael asked.

‘When did you two become all buddy, buddy?’ Oh, that was right, Michael hadn’t told Max about them. Liz looked confused.

‘Oh, right, I forgot you didn’t know.’ Michael said. ‘Around summer break.’ Max’s frown deepened.

‘I saw you during summer break. Weren’t you traveling after you left New Mexico?’

‘Yeah, I travelled to Barcelona.’ Michael wasn’t really making an effort to make this understandable for Max. ‘Alex lives in Barcelona.’

‘Why? Doesn’t your family live in New Mexico?’ Max turned to him. Alex hadn’t had many interactions with Michael’s brother, but he didn’t feel like they were ever going to be best friends.

‘My dad does, but I don’t talk to him much.’

‘Why not?’ Max asked. He flinched. ‘_Ow_, Michael stop kicking me.’ Alex put his hand on Michael’s leg under the table.

‘We don’t get along.’ Alex was giving off his best “god please stop talking about this” vibes, but Max didn’t seem to get it.

‘But he’s _your dad._’ Alex shrugged.

‘Just because we’re blood related, doesn’t mean we have to be family. Just like not being related by blood doesn’t mean you and Michael can’t be brothers.’ Max’s frown stayed in place, but he seemed to consider that for a few seconds.

‘Okay.’ He said slowly. ‘So why were you going to visit Alex?’ Max asked, turning his attention back to Michael. Liz made a face at Alex. _You’re making this so much more complicated than necessary_. Alex made a face back. _I know_.

‘Because I wanted to?’ Michael started to sound annoyed now. Alex squeezed his leg.

‘Maybe you should just…. spell it out.’ Alex suggested.

‘We’re not just friends.’ Michael rushed out, softly though, which Alex appreciated. The setting wasn’t exactly private, even though there was no one in their direct vicinity. Max still looked confused, it was almost impressive. ‘We’re together? Dating? In love?’ Liz snapped her head up at that.

‘_Love?_’ She hissed at Alex, leaning over the table. Alex shrugged with an apologetic grin. ‘Why was I not informed of this?’

‘Wait, wait, hold up. Weren’t you dating that girl last year?’ Max asked Michael, he rolled his eyes in response.

‘Yeah, Max. I’m bi, it’s not that complicated.’

‘It seems pretty complicated to me.’ Max said, narrowing his eyes at Alex before turning back to Michael. ‘Aren’t you supposed to be trying to beat him?’

‘I can leave that on the track.’ Michael sounded like he regretted everything.

‘Can _he_?’

‘_He_ can hear you.’ Alex snapped. God, was being supportive so difficult? ‘Look, buddy, we’ve talked this through, okay? We didn’t just jump into this head-first without thinking about what we’re doing. So instead of being a judgemental dick, you could just be happy for your brother.’

‘Alex is a good guy, he would never intentionally hurt your brother.’ Liz added with a little steel to her voice. Of course, _that_ was what seemed to do it for Max.

‘Okay, fine. I guess I don’t care who you date, as long as you’re happy.’ Alex wanted to roll his eyes. When Liz told him something he suddenly believed it. Well, as long as she used her powers for good…

They managed to move on to other topics from that point forward. Maria, Isobel and Kyle joined them for lunch, it was a loud, warm atmosphere. One that screamed family.

Alex felt like he could sprout wings and take off. His second win in a row. Expanding his championship lead. A one-two for Red Bull, which was even better. Sure, the Mercedes finished third, but Alex didn’t care. If he finished outside of the top 8 in Brazil and Alex won, he’d be World Champion. There would be no one left who could catch him. After the podium ceremony, interviews and a celebration with the team, Alex was about ready to take a nice, long shower.

‘Alex.’ Something in Kyle’s tone made him stop dead in his tracks.

‘Yeah?’ He asked, Kyle looked serious enough that for a second Alex thought he may have been disqualified.

‘First of all, security did their job, so don’t worry about it-‘ That wasn’t reassuring. ‘but your father is here.’

‘Where?’ Was he supposed to be able to _feel_ his lungs like this?

‘Security kept him out of the pitlane, but I’m not sure where he is now.’ Kyle stepped closer, like he could feel Alex’s impending panic. Why did this man still have this effect on him?

‘I want to leave.’ Alex said, as firmly as he could manage.

‘Maria already called for a car. She’s grabbing your stuff at the hotel, you’re going directly to the airport.’ Sometimes he felt like an heiress from old money when they did this. They would move him like he was precious cargo, under threat of being damaged.

‘What about Michael?’

‘Isobel found you two an earlier flight to Brazil, he’s going with you.’ That made it a lot easier for Alex to breathe. The idea of his father getting to Michael was enough to make Alex want to fight, scratch and claw. There was something on Kyle’s face though.

‘Thank you.’ Alex said, swallowing away the lump in his throat. ‘Thank you for trusting him with me.’ Kyle smiled softly.

‘I see the way he looks at you, Alex.’ Kyle squeezed his shoulder. ‘He’ll look out for you.’ He pulled Alex into a quick hug. ‘Now go, and save me a Caipirinha.’ Alex actually managed a laugh before checking his pockets for his phone and heading to the car. Time to get out of here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love that song okay. Can't help falling in love. It makes me tear up. "Like the river flows, surely to the sea, darling so it goes, some things are meant to be" 
> 
> Oh and I, of course, couldn't resist getting Michael his black cowboy hat. That hat is my favourite character.
> 
> So yeah, two more chapters to go. Holy shit. 
> 
> Comments make me squeal with delight.


	19. We wanted everything, wanted everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for the race at Interlagos, it was supposed to be the weekend that Alex won the title, but when an uninvited guest shows up, can Alex keep his focus?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy hell, I can't believe it's almost done. This chapter was kind of a pain in my ass. I sort of knew where I wanted it to go, but then there were all of these other ideas that were like "No, pick me! Pick me!"   
Either way, this is what I ended up with.

It was going to rain in Brazil. Interlagos was covered with a thick blanket of clouds. Alex loved rain races. The adrenaline was always high, there were always opportunities and it was a test, a challenge. He wouldn’t just be fighting the other drivers and the track but the _weather_. Nature itself would try to derail him, and he wouldn’t let it.

He also enjoyed the feeling of rain in the air, the smell of it. He also enjoyed that even though it was a wet weekend, it still wasn’t cold here. Because the cold was the one thing he didn’t like about rain.

‘Have you found the answers to the secrets of the universe yet?’ Michael’s voice sounded behind him. Alex smiled before turning around. ‘You’ve been out here for a while.’ Michael was standing in the opening of the door leading out onto the balcony.

‘I’m just enjoying the weather.’ Alex said, settling his elbows on the barrier behind him.

‘Your love for rain races isn’t healthy, you know.’ Michael said, he looked uncharacteristically cold. Alex laughed.

‘_I’m singing in the rain, just singing in the rain_.’ Michael snorted as Alex played conductor to a band that wasn’t there.

‘Yeah, yeah alright.’ Michael stepped outside, tugging the sleeves of his sweater down over his hands. ‘Is that the song of the weekend?’

‘Nah.’ Alex shook his head. ‘I was thinking some Queen.’

‘Nice.’ Michael said, grinning. ‘We are the champions?’

‘No, that’s a little presumptuous. I was thinking… “I want it all”.’ Alex said, tilting his head at Michael.

‘Ooof, that song has some _good_ lyrics.’ Michael said. ‘Nice choice. _A young fighter screaming, with no time for doubt_.’

‘Oh yeah. And I do, want it all.’ Alex said. ‘Come on, let’s go inside.’ He made sure to slide the door closed behind them.

‘If the Mercedes finishes eighth or under, and you win, you’ve got it, right?’ Michael asked, like they hadn’t discussed that exact thing at length yesterday in the team meeting.

‘Yeah.’ Alex nodded. ‘And like I told you yesterday: no, I don’t want you to “take him out” for me. If I know anything about this guy, it’s that if you put a little pressure on him, and you give him a challenge, he’s going to crumble. He’ll take himself out, he doesn’t need you to do that for him.’

‘I thought you didn’t believe in premonitions.’ Alex rolled his eyes.

‘It’s not a premonition, it’s a calculated prediction based on previous seasons.’ He said. ‘I’m just trying to get myself to believe it can happen this weekend.’ Michael stepped closer and rubbed his hands up and down Alex’s upper arms.

‘I know, but if you don’t get it this weekend, you’ll get it in Abu Dhabi. Just keep winning, that’s all you’ve got control over, unless you change your mind about me playing bumper cars.’

‘Stop it with that. You’re not just here to get me the win. Get your own points, get the experience, show them what you’re made off.’ Alex said, punching Michael softly in the chest. ‘Don’t forget to fight for what _you_ want.’ 

‘I just want you to be honest.’ Alex kept his face unimpressed, even though he felt a little bit like swooning.

‘As sweet as that is, I know you want to win too, so cut the bullshit.’ Michael rolled his eyes.

‘Fine, _right now_, I just want you.’

‘Better.’ Alex said, stepping into Michael’s space. ‘We’ve got thirty minutes, right?’

‘Oh yeah.’

He qualified third, but that was fine. He knew his real strength this weekend would be in the actual race. He knew how to find grip where others didn’t. He was actually feeling mostly relaxed when he was walking through the paddock the morning of the race. The amount of media seemed to have doubled, but most of them left him alone. He knew the car was good, the qualifying times had been really close to each other and he felt like they had a really good game plan.

He was almost at the Red Bull garage when a voice made him freeze.

‘Oh yes, I’m so proud of my son. What a season he’s had so far.’

‘He could win it all today, how are you feeling about his chances?’

‘Well as long as he doesn’t do anything stupid, he has a chance of winning, but it’s really up to the Mercedes to stay on the track and make sure it’s still all to race for in the next Grand Prix.’

‘Oh, I think that’s Alex over there.’

Run. All his brain seemed to be able to process was that he needed to get out of there, but his legs wouldn’t move. He felt like he’d faced off with Medusa and had been turned to stone.

‘Alex.’ The way his father said his name startled him from his panic. Or into his panic. He was being pulled into a hug he returned mechanically. His father’s hand settled around the back of his neck. It felt more like a noose. He tried to relax his jaw, breathe, he was on camera. The reporter looked at him expectantly.

‘I’m sorry?’

‘I asked how you were feeling about your chances today.’ His father’s hand tightened.

‘Good.’ He managed, but he didn’t sound all that good. ‘It’s going to be a fun one with the rain and all.’ He needed to leave. ‘I’m sorry, but I have to-‘ Alex tried to move out of his father’s grasp.

‘Alex. Don’t be rude. You can spare a few minutes, can’t you?’ Alex felt his breath rush out of him, and he wasn’t sure if he remembered to breathe in again.

‘No, he doesn’t, actually.’ He didn’t think he’d ever been this happy to hear the voice of mister Valenti. A warm hand landed on Alex’s shoulder and mister Valenti moved him away from his father. The hand on his neck fell away and Alex felt like he could breathe again. ‘Sorry, Jesse, but I need him focussed right now.’ To anyone else he would have sounded joking, or even friendly, but Alex could hear the steel in his voice. ‘Go on Alex, Kyle is waiting for you.’ Alex couldn’t seem to get his mouth to work, but he nodded and fled into the garage.

He barely saw where he was going as he weaved around people. There were several concerned sounding questions he didn’t even really register. He didn’t stop until he physically ran into Kyle. He caught Alex by the upper arms and without a word, he moved him into a quiet side room.

‘Alex, take a breath.’ It was only then that Alex realized the wheezing noise was him. ‘Come on buddy, easy.’

‘He was- I saw- I can’t-‘

‘We won’t let him near you again. I promise.’ Alex let himself slide down the wall, pressing his shoulders back into the plain white surface until it hurt. The pain grounded him in the moment. He was fine. Kyle was here. They wouldn’t let him get hurt.

‘How the hell did he get in?’ Alex hissed, running his hands through his hair, tugging on it.

‘Maria is raising hell trying to figure that out as we speak.’ Kyle said, he was standing between Alex and the door, almost like a bodyguard. ‘She went off like she was shot out of a gun, trying to find who was responsible for letting that bastard in here.’

‘I want him out.’ Alex knew his breathing wasn’t quite right yet, but it was getting there. Just being out of physical reach of the man made Alex feel better.

‘We’ll make that happen. He wasn’t supposed to be in here in the first place.’

The door opened and Alex’s breath hitched on the way in. Kyle tensed like he was fully ready to tackle whoever came through the door. The head that poked around the corner however, was Isobel’s. She took one look at Alex and disappeared.

‘He’s in here.’ Alex could hear her say outside. Did that mean…?

‘_Alex_.’ Next thing Alex knew, Michael was through the door he looked more panicked than Alex ever remembered him seeing. He stopped dead in his tracks, looking at Alex as he was sat on the floor, arms wrapped around his knees.

‘Hey.’ Alex said, he could feel a wave of calm rush over him.

‘Hey? _Hey_?’ Michael asked. ‘Holy shit Alex, you scared the ever-living fuck out of me.’ Michael brushed past Kyle who hadn’t relaxed even a little bit. Michael dropped onto his knees in front of Alex, the thump didn’t sound comfortable. Isobel had also come inside and closed the door behind her.

‘Sorry.’ Alex said, he hated that he was the reason for the anguish on Michael’s face.

‘No, no, no. Don’t apologize.’ Michael seemed to want to reach out, but hesitated. ‘I didn’t mean it like that. I was coming into the paddock and I saw you standing there, and he was holding you _like that_ and I could see how freaked out you were. By the time I got there mister Valenti had already gotten you out of there.’ Alex reached out to him, setting his hand on Michael’s arm. ‘I couldn’t find you.’

‘I’m okay.’ Alex tried to reassure him, even though he didn’t sound that convincing yet. ‘Maria is going to get him kicked out and if he tries to give them issues she’ll strangle him with her bare hands.’

‘Really?’ Michael didn’t look like he could picture it.

‘There’s a reason she graduated early so she could take over as my manager.’ Alex said. ‘Look, now that you’re here, I am, legitimately much better. I need a few more minutes, but I’ll be okay, as long as I know he won’t be getting near me again.’

‘If he does I’ll break his nose.’ Kyle sounded positively _seething._ He seemed to be trying to glare a hole in the door.

‘K, I’m okay.’

‘That son of a bitch. Whoever let him in here is going to get his ass fired.’ Alex sighed as Kyle just barrelled through.

‘Kyle, I think you should take a deep breath and look at Alex for a second.’ Isobel said, nodding at where Alex and Michael were still on the floor.

Alex wasn’t sure what he looked like right now. He _felt_ like he looked about twelve. Tucked into a corner of the room, knees up to his chest. He probably looked a little wrecked, he usually did after he’d been panicking like that. Still, Kyle seemed to see whatever it was that Isobel saw. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and forced his shoulders down. Alex had known him long enough to see he wasn’t actually relaxed, but he was trying.

‘Alright.’ Isobel said with a smile. ‘Now, I’ll go check in with Maria to see how we’re doing on the whole “get Jesse Manes evicted from the planet” plan, you two stay here, keep breathing. Kyle, why don’t you go find Alex some water.’

Isobel seemed to take charge of the situation and Alex loved her for it. He sighed in relief. He hadn’t really meant to do that, but it was already out there now. She smiled at him, warm and kind, and Alex realized he trusted her.

‘Thank you Isobel.’ He said, making sure to smile at her.

‘No problem. I almost hope he tries to put up a fight, I haven’t had a chance to use those karate lessons before.’ The bark of laughter that bubbled up surprised him as much as everyone else in the room. It got everyone else laughing too, that was good. ‘Alright I’m going to head out. I’ll keep you updated.’ She said, mostly to Kyle.

‘Yeah, thanks Isobel.’ Kyle said.

‘Thanks Is.’ Michael agreed.

‘Yeah, yeah, you can all compliment me until your heart’s content later.’ She waved them off. She motioned for Kyle to follow her and he did. The door closed behind them and it got quiet in the room.

‘Talk to me.’ Michael said softly. Alex wasn’t sure where to start. ‘Are you going to be okay?’ Not “_are_ you okay”, but “are you _going_ _to_ _be_ okay”. Alex appreciated that.

‘Probably. If I can just focus on something else entirely, I’ll be good.’ Alex had done this before. ‘I’ve been through this bullshit before. I drove my entire first season with that asshole breathing down my neck.’

‘I don’t even know how.’

‘Well, looking back, I’m pretty sure I spend most of that half-way into a panic attack.’ Alex shrugged. ‘It’s just… he used to do that all the time, put his hand on the back of my neck like that.’

‘It’s such a manipulative thing to do.’ Michael said sharply. ‘It can look like such a fatherly gesture, but at the same time it’s so threatening and domineering.’

‘Yeah, that sounds like my dad. Threatening and domineering.’ Alex said, only half joking. Michael laughed anyways.

They fell silent after that, but Alex felt so much more comfortable. Michael made him feel safe. Also because he wouldn’t fight his father for himself, but he would fight his father for Michael. It was a strange sensation, the idea that he would actually _physically_ fight his father for someone, but at this point he wouldn’t give up the quiet Michael brought for anything.

When Kyle reappeared with a water bottle, Alex realized that had taken him much longer than necessary. In the look he gave Alex he could read that was intentional. He handed Alex the bottle and sat down next to him. He was boxed in by the two men he trusted most in this world.

‘I’ve got a new song for the weekend.’ Michael said into the silence as Alex took a drink.

‘What is it?’ Kyle asked.

‘Survivor.’

‘Destiny’s Child? You don’t seem like the type.’ Kyle said with a teasing grin.

‘I have a sister Valenti.’

‘Or, Fighter, Christina Aguilera.’ Kyle suggested.

‘You don’t seem like the type.’ Michael mocked.

‘I’ve got- no, actually, I don’t have a sister, I just appreciate some Christina.’ Kyle shrugged.

‘Eh, I’m more of a Beyoncé man myself.’ Michael said, dead serious.

‘Who’s talking about Beyoncé?’ It was like Isobel was summoned or something, because she came walking in with Maria right behind her. Michael ignored her.

‘Well?’ He asked. Isobel glared at him for a second, but then turned serious.

‘Well, we had him removed from the premise and we figured out how he got in.’ Isobel said, crossing her arms over her chest.

‘How did he get in?’ Alex asked.

‘Wyatt-fucking-Long.’ Maria said from between clenched jaws. Alex knew he stilled.

‘I’m gonna kill him.’ Kyle flew right back into fight-mode.

‘No, you’re not.’ Alex said firmly. ‘How?’

‘Security stopped your father, because he obviously wasn’t on any list, but then apparently Wyatt said he knew your father and told them to let him in. They figured, he was one of the drivers, so he would know, and they let him in.’ Isobel explained.

It was strange. Alex didn’t really feel angry at all. Well, maybe he did, he just wasn’t registering it. He nodded slowly. He felt empty, really empty and just sort of… a little destructive. Like he wanted to break something.

‘You look ready to break his neck.’

‘Do I?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Okay, maybe don’t let me anywhere near him today.’

‘We can do that.’ Isobel said firmly. ‘Also, the organisation is having a firm conversation with him about letting “random people” into the paddock.’

‘Are you good to drive?’ Kyle asked, pushing himself to his feet and holding a hand out for Alex. He accepted Kyle’s hand and let him pull him to his feet. His legs protested, they didn’t appreciate being used after being in the same position for so long.

‘How long until lights out?’ Alex asked. Kyle checked his watch before holding his hand out to Michael as well.

‘About two and a half hours.’ He answered as he pulled Michael to his feet.

‘Yeah, I’ll be good to drive by then.’

‘Okay, you go find a quiet corner and listen to some soft jazz or whale sounds or something, I’ll go and make sure no one talks to you until lights out.’ Maria said, coming forward and wrapping him up in a tight hug. ‘I would have kicked his ass for you.’ She said low in his ear.

‘I know, thank you for taking care of this.’ Alex said, hugging her back.

‘That’s what I’m here for.’ She pulled back and took a deep breath, steadying herself. ‘I’ll also make sure that the camera crew removes any of the footage they caught and that no one dares to ask you questions about this.’

‘They weren’t live?’ Kyle asked. Maria smirked and shook her head no.

‘Nope. I already told them that if they broadcasted that I would hunt them all down, so I don’t think they’ll try anything.’ Isobel laughed.

‘I’ll help you out. I love telling people what to do.’ She hooked her arm through Maria’s. ‘Alright boys, don’t do anything stupid. We’ll see you later.’ The two ladies left.

‘Do you need anything else?’ Kyle asked. ‘Otherwise I’m going to find my dad and check in with him, give him an update.’

‘Go update your dad, and thank him for me.’ Alex could feel the emotions crawl up his chest. Kyle smiled softly at him.

‘He knows, Alex.’

‘Alright stop, I’m not crying today.’ Alex shooed him out of the room. Michael’s hands settled on his shoulders.

‘Come on. Let’s find a couch.’

Yeah. He loved driving in the rain. The weather was pretty bad. There were moments where he could barely see anything with the spray coming off the car in front of him. Because of the rain, the field got pulled pretty far apart, that meant there was a lot of traffic on his laps. That was where he did his own thing though, he found grip around the outside, on the dirty lines no one else was using. He found grip and vision there. He could see and he wasn’t sliding all over the place.

Well, he wasn’t until they put him on Inters. The track had been drying up a little and Michael (who was already on Inters) was putting up great lap times, so they talked about it and decided to also put Alex on Inters. And for three laps it was the best decision of the race. Then the rain picked back up and it was like driving on ice.

‘I can’t get around the track on these_._’ Alex said, even though he was still _on_ the track and he hadn’t had any major slips yet, he could feel it coming. He was just waiting for it at this point.

‘_Yeah, we’re going to have to put you back on the Wets.’ _Mister Valenti said. _Shit. _Another pit stop so soon after the last would drop him all the way back down the field.

‘Alright, I’ll make it work.’

‘_Good kid._’

He believed it too. While the tire choice wasn’t the right one, the car ran like a dream. The pit stop was one of their fastest of the season and Alex came back on the track in thirteenth. It was shit, but he wasn’t about to give up. With the Wets he was right back in control of the car, and he started doing what he did best. Hunt. He went wherever the others weren’t.

‘_You’re back in fifth Alex, nice going. Next up is the Mercedes._’ Tyler said over the radio. This was the one he was most exited to leave in his dust… or in this case, spray.

‘Copy.’

It was almost laughable how easy it was. He knew why the guy didn’t put up much of a fight. It was all strategy. He was the one trailing, he _needed_ to get the points, if he crashed out it was pretty much over. If he just kept his head down and got his points, he’d live to race another week. Alex didn’t want to race it safe. He wanted the win.

He was back in second when it happened. He’d taken the turn onto the finishing straight the same way all race long, and it hadn’t been a problem until right there and then. He clipped the curb and suddenly he lost control of the car. He reacted on pure instinct. He was almost completely sideways on the track. He hit the brakes, locked the wheels, slowing himself down, buying time. He left it as late as he dared and then hit the gas and yanked at the wheel.

He wasn’t sure if it was luck or skill, or both, but the wheels found traction and it jerked away from the barrier. He put the pedal to the metal and let the car flee away from the barrier and back onto the track.

‘_Well held, Alex. Well held.’ _He knew that was mister Valenti even if he hadn’t recognized his voice, because Tyler was no doubt cursing like a sailor right now.

‘Yeah, my heartbeat is up, that’s for sure.’ Alex replied, flexing his fingers around the wheel for a second.

‘_The last one is three seconds ahead.’ _Tyler said, Alex could hear the adrenaline in his voice. ‘_Go get ‘em.’ _

‘You got it.’

And get ‘em he did.

‘_Hell fucking yes Alex.’_ Tyler said as Alex made the pass for first and started to push the car to get some distance between them. ‘_I don’t know how you’re finding the grip you’re finding, but keep doing it._’

‘Where is the Mercedes?’ Alex asked.

‘_Fifth, but he’s been struggling for grip. We think they’re trying to decide whether to pit him again or no.’_ Alex nodded to himself. Good. Let him struggle.

Alex kept the lead for three more laps before his radio came to life, just as he spotted the first yellow flag. He frowned, most of the crashes had happened in the first couple of laps, the people that were still on the track had a good enough handle on the car to keep it out of the barrier, or so he thought.

‘_You’re not going to believe this._’ Tyler said. Alex could feel his heart beat jump. ‘_Yellow flag is for the Mercedes. He crashed in the exact same spot where you had to save it.’_

‘What?’ Alex asked blankly.

‘_Alex Manes, as of right now, you are virtually World Champion.’ _

Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy _shit_.

‘Holy _shit_.’ Alex said and Tyler laughed delightedly.

‘Yeah. Holy shit. All you need to do is drive it out like this and you’ve got it.’

When he crossed the finish line he was cold and wet and he didn’t really feel any of it. He let himself let out one ridiculous scream. He wanted to jump and drop to his knees and laugh and cry and he wanted to get the hell out of this car and kiss it.

‘_Alex Manes, you are officially the youngest World Champion in Formula One history! Congratulations my boy!’ _Mister Valenti was the first over the radio. Alex let out a laugh that could just as well have been a sob.

‘Thank you. Thank you so much. I can’t believe it.’ He laughed.

He barely remembered driving the car to the winner’s circle. He just remembered wrangling himself from the car and leaning over the Halo to kiss the nose of the car. It was gross, dirty and wet and probably really bad for him, but he couldn’t have cared less. He raised his fists in the air and let out a loud whoop. He hurled himself into the delirious crowd of mechanics. Tyler was right there to catch him.

‘You insane little bastard.’ He yelled in Alex’s ear over all the noise. ‘That was the save of the _century_ and the drive of your _life_!’

‘Thank you so much for talking me through it all.’ Alex wasn’t sure if he heard him, but he seemed to get the message.

He spotted the dark blue of Michael’s racing suit before he headed towards the podium. He was still wearing his helmet so he let the ridiculously wide grin spread over his face. They crashed into each other, Michael’s hug was tight and warm.

‘I’m so fucking proud of you.’

‘I can’t believe it.’

‘Well get on that, because you’re getting a real nice trophy soon.’ Michael’s eyes were shining with happiness inside his helmet. Alex really wanted to kiss him. But there were cameras everywhere and he wasn’t sure where they stood in that regard. He would have been fine telling the whole world he was in love right there and then, but did he want his win coloured by that? Did he want to be the gay one, or the youngest world champion ever? They could talk about it later.

‘I bet it’s heavy.’ Alex said, trying to get his shaking fingers to take off his helmet.

‘I bet it is.’

He tried to take it all in, but it was a lot. There was confetti and a fuck-ton of champagne being dumped over his head and he fought back tears as he held the trophy over his head. There was also approximately a billion people that wanted to ask him a question.

‘How are you feeling right now?’

‘A little cold, very, very happy.’

‘That was probably the save of the century, how did you keep it out of the barrier?’

‘Quick reflexes and lot of luck.’

‘How _much_ would you say was luck?’

‘Probably fifty percent.’

‘How was your preparation for this race?’

‘Not ideal, but I’m good at compartmentalizing.’

‘What’s been the difference this year?’ That got Alex thinking.

What _was _the difference?

‘Well, the team worked incredibly hard, the car was amazing, that really allowed me to be competitive. There was also a little luck involved here and there and also…. I met someone special this year, and they’ve really helped me feel more calm and grounded.’

‘What would you say was your lowest point this year?’

‘Probably Spain. That was a shitshow for the whole team.’ Alex flinched. ‘Sorry, I didn’t meant to curse.’

‘Anything else you’d like to say?’

‘Just a massive thank you to the whole team over at Red Bull, without them working their butts off and getting the car and me in the shape we are, I wouldn’t be here. We’re really like a big family, and I wouldn’t have wanted to do this with anyone else.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The "save of the century" I attempted to describe is a real thing that happened. I have proof: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQCeQKQ7_vI
> 
> Our child is World Champion. I feel like a proud mom. He didn't let his father ruin his weekend because he doesn't have that kind of power over him anymore. 
> 
> I'd love to know what you guys would like to see for the last chapter. I was thinking maybe some snap shots of the rest of their lives? Milestones maybe? About Michael's career, Alex's career, their life together? What do you want to see? Proposal? Wedding? Kids? Coming out? Michael winning a championship? Jesse Manes getting flattened by a truck?   
Let me know!
> 
> Comments make me squeal with delight.


	20. Stay up on that rise, and never come down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The songs on the soundtrack to their future life moments.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've arrived at the end. Holy shit. 
> 
> A shout out to Birds_Eye for commenting "what are the songs on the soundtrack of their future life moments?" and inspiring this chapter.   
I'll do my sappy end note at the end. ;)

**The Cure- Little Mix**

‘Alex, don’t panic.’ Isobel said, coming up to him in the hallway of their hotel. He raised a single eyebrow at her when she didn’t continue.

‘I’m not panicking, but you staying quiet like this is making me wonder if I should be.’ Alex said, trying to get her to explain what was going on.

‘It’s fine.’ She didn’t seem to get it.

‘Okay, why don’t you tell me what’s going on.’ Alex tried.

‘Right, there’s some pictures.’

‘Okay?’

‘Of you and Michael.’

‘Okay?’

‘On your vacation during the summer break, kissing.’ Ah, okay.

‘Where is Michael?’

‘In your room, freaking out.’ Now that wasn’t okay. He moved past Isobel towards their room and made his way inside, followed closely by Isobel. Michael indeed looked like he was freaking out. He was pacing up and down the room and his hair looked messier than normal.

‘Alex. I’m _so_ sorry.’ Alex frowned.

‘What are you sorry for? Babe, relax.’ Alex said as Michael paced past him. ‘Michael, breathe. Come here.’ Alex caught his arm as he tried to pace back to the other side of the room.

‘Look, you told me while we were over there that we should just keep it friendly outside of the cabin, but I didn’t want to listen and now there’s pictures all over the place and-‘ Michael thought he was mad at him.

‘Michael, stop.’ Alex said, firmly but kindly. ‘Look at me.’ Michael did, he looked on the verge of tears. That hurt. ‘Do I look mad?’

‘No.’

‘That’s because I’m not mad.’ Alex grabbed Michael’s hand, making sure that he focussed on him. ‘We decided we’d keep our private life private, but I’m not ashamed of this, never have been. I don’t care that people know, I just don’t want this to be focussed on over the fact that we’re the best goddamn team on the track right now.’ He made sure to look Michael dead in the eye as he continued. ‘I love you and I don’t care who knows. I don’t care what anyone thinks, as long as our family is behind us, everyone else can kiss my ass.’

‘No they can’t.’

‘What?’

‘They can’t kiss your ass, it’s mine.’ Alex rolled his eyes so hard it actually hurt a little, but he also laughed a little because Michael was ridiculous.

‘You’re an idiot.’ Alex said fondly. ‘Okay, now, we don’t have to talk about this at all if we don’t want to. This shouldn’t be a big deal and I refuse to treat it as one. If anyone has a question they can ask, if I don’t want to answer it I’ll tell them they can stick it where the sun doesn’t shine.’

‘Please don’t.’ Isobel said behind him, he may have forgotten she was there.

‘Yeah, yeah, I’ll do the polite version of that.’ Alex waved her off, but didn’t take his eyes off Michael. ‘You okay?’

‘Better now.’

‘Okay. I love you.’

‘I love you too.’

‘That’s all that matters to me.’

It was hectic at first, everyone wanted something from them and people suddenly seemed to think it was okay to ask them all sorts of personal questions. Alex wouldn’t have any of it. He gained the reputation of being difficult and uncooperative, but he didn’t really care. What exactly they got up to in their private life wasn’t anyone’s business, and Alex refused to budge on that. It didn’t make him any friends with the media, but Michael appreciated it.

Of course, there were plenty of assholes that argued that this wasn’t going to be “good for the team” (which was bullshit because they’d been together for a year at this point), that this was going to “affect their efficiency” (they were numbers one and two in the Championship but _sure_) and that it was going to be a distraction. Luckily there was also a large group of people out there that supported them. According to Maria, the “Tumblr fandom”, whatever that was, had a full on meltdown when their relationship came out. When he told her to thank them for their support, she’d called him adorable and patted him on the cheek.

They were fine. Better than fine. In fact, they showed everyone exactly how good they were. Alex still won the Championship that year, his second, but Michael was right on his tail all the way to the final race. When they got from the car they hugged each other tight, and on the podium, Alex wanted to kiss Michael, so he did.

**Critical – Jonas Brothers**

He didn’t remember how it happened, all he really remembered of the accident itself was the impact. After that, voices in his head asking if he was okay and smoke. He remembered struggling against the belt keeping him in the car. He remembered being disoriented and hearing the voices of stewards asking if he was okay. He didn’t remember being driven to the hospital.

The one thing he remembered most clearly was Michael’s panicked face as he came bursting into the hospital room. Isobel trying to reign him in, but not succeeding. He remembered repeating the same few words over and over, running his fingers through Michael’s hair. “I’m okay.”

**High Hopes – Panic! At the disco**

‘It looks like Michael is going to secure his first championship win this weekend, you two have shown to handle the competition between the two of you really well, has that changed at all this year?’

‘No, not at all. Winning the Championship is something that I will never forget and that was such an amazing experience for me. I was lucky enough to win it twice in a row, I’m just so happy that he’ll get to experience the feeling of winning it all too. I am so proud of how well he’s driven this year, and I couldn’t be happier for him.’

‘You had some bad luck early this year, a pretty heavy crash in Spa, how are you looking at these final few races?’

‘Well, I used to live my life by the principle of: If you’re scared, put your foot on the gas. But, that’s not what I believe in anymore. Sometimes it’s okay to take a second and realize “hey, this could have ended a lot worse, maybe I need a minute”. It’s okay to not always be okay and after Spa, I needed a bit of time to find my groove again. I’ll be back, I don’t doubt that, but for the rest of this season, if I just finish every race in one piece, I’m good.’

When Michael needed one more place to secure the Championship, and Alex just so happened to hold that place, he was out of the way before the garage could even tell them to switch. Alex finished fourth, but Michael got the big one, and Alex felt at peace. Calm and warm and happy to see Michael’s grin that was positively blinding and the tears in his eyes as he held the trophy over his head. Alex stood back and watched as Michael got showered with confetti and champagne.

He’d been afraid he’d feel jealousy or that he’d envy him, but there was nothing but the warm quiet in his mind and that content hum of his heart that never seemed to stop when Michael was around.

**Nightingale – Demi Lovato / The Only Exception - Paramore**

They were on a warm, sunny island during the off-season when Alex realized something.

He didn’t ever want to be without Michael.

Of course, he’d thought this before. In the heated moments and in the quiet ones, and all the ones in between where he couldn’t imagine his life without Michael in it. But he’d never thought about it this deliberately.

‘Have you ever thought about getting married?’ He asked, he was leaning back, his elbows resting in the sand and he felt more relaxed than he had in a while. Michael tipped his head back to look at him. His curls were messy and sandy from their swim in the ocean.

‘Sure.’ He shrugged. ‘I never really did, but since I met you… I’ve thought about it.’ Michael flipped over on his stomach so he could look at Alex properly. ‘Why? Do you have a ring for me?’ He knew Michael was kidding. It was written all over his face, but Alex shrugged.

‘Why do _I_ have to buy you a ring?’ Alex teased. ‘Those things are expensive.’

‘You don’t think getting to marry me is worth a little money?’ Michael gasped, setting a hand over his heart. ‘You wound me.’

‘Is the ring a deal breaker?’ Alex asked. An idea was starting to form in his head. Michael seemed to realize that. His face softened.

‘No.’ He said tracing his index finger over Alex’s hand. ‘I don’t need a ring to know that you love me.’

‘I just think, maybe you should get to choose your own, you know. What if I get the size wrong, or you hate it?’ Alex mused.

‘If you picked it out I could never hate it.’ Mushy bastard.

‘You don’t know that.’ Alex said. ‘I’m just spit-balling here.’

Michael watched him for a while, not saying anything. Alex let him.

He’d never thought he’d ever get married. But he’d also never thought he’d get out from under his father’s thumb, but here he was. He never thought he’d find someone he’d want to be with forever. Someone that would make him feel the way Michael did. He never imagined he could feel this settled and happy with his life.

‘Is there something you want to ask me?’ Michael said after a few minutes of nothing but the sound of the soft waves brushing over the sand and the seagulls flying overhead. Alex turned his head to look at him again. He pushed himself up so he was sat up straight. He turned so he was properly facing Michael.

‘You know I’m not that good with words, but there’s a few things I’ve figured out over the last three years. I love you, and you love me. You make me feel invincible and strong and loved and so goddamn happy. I’ve always loved the idea of love, but I never thought I could have it myself. Then you came barrelling into my life and for a bit I felt like we were just… speeding towards disaster. Like this could only end in heartbreak and misery, but it hasn’t and our connection is one I can’t explain. It’s-‘

‘Cosmic.’

‘Yes, it’s cosmic.’ Alex agreed. ‘Marry me?’

‘Yes.’ Michael said it so certainly, Alex was sure he wasn’t imagining that his eyes were a little watery. Alex leant forward, making sure he didn’t headbutt his… fiancé, and kissed him. It wasn’t their best effort, the angle was sort of awkward and Michael tasted like the ocean, but it was the thought that mattered.

‘Isobel is going to freak out.’ Alex mumbled as they pulled apart. Michael dropped his head forward with a groan.

‘Oh god, she’s going to be an absolute terror.’ Alex laughed.

‘We’ll handle her, together.’

‘Together.’ Michael agreed.

**Not Alone – Darren Criss**

They hadn’t even really talked about kids. Well, they had, but it had usually been dark and they’d been tipsy and Alex hadn’t thought they’d actually ever go through with it. They _had_ been talking about retiring from racing. Alex didn’t love the constant tension as much as he used to and, well, they’d both won the championship more than once at this point, there was plenty of young talent that deserves their chance to make it, maybe it was time.

But, he wasn’t seriously considering retiring after this season until they met Camilla. They were doing a charity thing for Red Bull and they were spending an entire day with a big group of foster kids. Michael was the one to bring up the idea to do something like this in their home state, and Alex had loved the idea immediately. He knew how much being in the system had sucked for Michael, and doing something nice and fun for some kids that could really use some easy fun felt like the least they could do.

So they’d taken over an entire karting track and the kids could race, they had games planned, food, fun, good times. All the kids seem to love it. There was immense amounts of screaming and laughing going on. Alex was heading over to the giant bouncy castle when he spotted her.

She was probably about eleven. Dark hair, tanned skin and dark brown eyes. His first thought was that she looked like Liz when she was young. She seemed like she’d grabbed whatever food she could carry and she was now sitting with her back against a fence, looking around, taking everything in with a look that didn’t belong on the face of a kid that young.

‘You should probably get something to drink with all that.’ He said, as he approached her. Her eyes snapped towards him and the immediate apprehension in them made his stomach clench. What happened to this little girl? ‘Lemonade?’ He asked, nodding at the table filled with cups near the bouncy castle. She didn’t say anything, but nodded.

So Alex got her and himself a red solo cup filled with lemonade. He set hers carefully in the grass next to her. He went and sat down with his back to the fence himself. He made sure to leave enough space between them that she didn’t feel cornered. She kept glancing suspiciously at him from the corner of her eye as he just quietly played with his cup and watched the other kids play.

He was just trying to make sure she didn’t feel so alone.

‘Aren’t you supposed to ask me why I’m not playing with the other kids?’ They were the first words she spoke and they were sharp and curious.

‘I could if you want me to.’ Alex shrugged. He looked at her. ‘Do you want me to?’ She shook her head no, finishing off the sandwich she’d been eating.

‘You’re one of the racer guys right?’ She asked, suspicion still colouring her voice.

‘Yeah. I’m Alex.’ He didn’t ask for her name, he figured she’d tell him if she wanted to.

‘The curly haired one is your boyfriend?’ She asked and that made Alex laugh a little. Even after all these years, the curls were still the first thing people noticed about Michael.

‘He’s my husband actually.’ He said, it had been years, but that never got old. It still made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside. The girl hummed.

‘He seems nice.’

‘He is.’ Alex agreed. He wasn’t sure what he was doing, he just wanted to stop her from looking so old. He wanted her to be able to be a kid.

‘How do you know, though?’ She asked, she was playing with a napkin, tearing it apart slowly.

‘How do I know what?’

‘That he’s a good person.’ This kid was just going to keep punching him in the heart, wasn’t she?

‘I’ve met enough bad people to know one when I see one.’ Alex said. ‘It’s scary, loving someone, because you give them the power to hurt you, but that’s what it’s all about. It’s about loving someone so much that the risk of them hurting you is worth it. It’s about trusting someone and giving them that power, knowing they won’t use it.’

‘I don’t think I understand.’ She said and Alex couldn’t help but chuckle.

‘Yeah, that makes sense. I hope you will get it, one day.’ He said, and he really did. Whether it was a partner or friends or family, he really did want her to find it one day.

‘Do you want a sandwich?’ She asked, out of the blue. Alex recognized it as her reaching out. Sharing her food stash.

‘Thank you.’ He said, taking one from her as she handed it over. ‘Do you want more lemonade?’ She nodded and Alex handed her his untouched cup.

‘Thank you.’ She said. ‘I’m Camilla.’

‘Nice to meet you, Camilla.’

Later, when Alex managed to get a few minutes alone with Michael, the first words out of his mouth were:

‘I think we should move back to New Mexico.’ Michael blinked at him.

‘What?’

‘I want to move back here and I want kids.’ Michael looked…awestruck?

‘Yes.’ He said immediately.

‘Yes?’

‘_Yes_.’ Michael surged forward, kissing him soundly on the mouth. ‘Yes, of course I want kids. I don’t give a damn where I live, as long as it’s with you. Montana has been great, but I know you miss the heat.’

‘I do miss the heat, but also with all the kids we saw today… I want them to have a home.’ Michael made a face.

‘Babe, I love you, but we had like forty kids here today, maybe we should start with one?’ Alex laughed.

‘I meant, maybe we could be foster parents?’ Alex saw approximately a billion emotions in Michael’s eyes. ‘I’d be down to adopt too, but maybe we could just… give them a steady place to live. We know what it’s like not to be wanted or loved by our blood family and we also know how much it can mean to find people that do care, that want you to be happy and succeed in life. Money is never going to be a problem, we could give them a home, put them through college.’

‘I think it takes about three to six months to become a foster parent.’ Michael said, swallowing thickly. ‘We couldn’t race anymore though.’

‘I’ve been thinking about retiring anyways.’ He was pretty sure it said enough that he didn’t really feel any stab of fear or guilt for admitting that.

‘We’d just have to break the news to the team.’ Michael sounded completely on board and already four steps ahead. 

‘They’ll understand.’ Alex said.

‘Yeah they will.’ Michael agreed. He smiled at Alex, all bright and warm and loving. ‘Our own family.’

‘Yeah, I think we should start with Camilla.’

‘Camilla?’ Michael asked.

‘One of the kids that was here today. She seemed like she could really use something stable.’ Alex said and Michael grinned.

‘Ah so you already had one picked out before you even knew if I’d be on board with this?’ Alex rolled his eyes.

‘I knew you’d be up for this, and if you wanted to drive another season, I’d just stay home and be a house husband.’ Alex said, he wanted Michael to feel free to do that. ‘I’m serious about that by the way. I don’t just want to spring this on you and make you feel like you can’t say no.’

‘Alex, a house, a bunch of kids, maybe a dog? That’s all I need. Racing is fun, but I don’t _need_ racing. Mister Valenti already asked me to do some stuff for Red Bull on the engineering side if I ever wanted to retire from racing.’

‘Okay.’

‘Okay.’

So, they found a house in New Mexico, not anywhere near Roswell, but in the state. They announced their retirement together and got their license so that they were allowed to be foster parents. Camilla was their first foster kid. It took time, but with Michael’s never ending optimism and understanding and Alex’s stubbornness and patience, they figured it out.

Leo came into their lives at thirteen, all bravado and sass.

They met Julia at nine, she was smart and fearless and Alex was convinced she’d rule the world one day. She was also the first one that they officially adopted.

Justin was their biggest challenge. He was fifteen and had been through almost every foster home in the state. He was angry and he didn’t trust anyone and he tried to run more than once, but they refused to give up on him. Even when he broke nearly every plate in the kitchen, even when he tried to hotwire their car and take off with it, even when he screamed and cried and tried his absolute hardest to push them away. When he eventually turned eighteen and he went off to college, he cried because he didn’t want to leave. They told him he was always welcome in their home.

Many other kids stayed with them, some stayed a few months, others stayed years, three stayed forever. Michael worked for Red Bull from their own home from time to time. Alex wrote a book. Michael learned how to knit. Alex started a vegetable garden. They got a dog, a cute little Beagle called Ellis. They got a cat, a lazy orange monster, they mostly called him asshole, but around the kids they called him Blue, because Michael thought it was hilarious. “He’s an orange cat named Blue, come on Alex it’s funny”.

Alex had never really thought he’d be able to live without racing, but he realized that racing wasn’t the thing he loved, it was the family he had in racing. Now, with Maria managing several young racing drivers, Kyle still working drivers to the bone, Liz out there doing all sorts of impressive things Alex wouldn’t even pretend to understand and Isobel starting her own company, he’d realized it was _them_ that made him happiest, not racing itself. Did he miss it? Sometimes. The excitement and the trophies, but he had other things that gave him those moments of joy now.

The first time he grew a proper pumpkin and he and Michael carved it out for Halloween. That moment when Julia beat all the boys in their local karting competition. Shay coming home with an A on the math test she’d studied so hard for with tears in her eyes and a thank you on her lips. Hunter getting his acceptance letter to Harvard, and heading out into the world with a steely determination to make it a better place. Michael. Just Michael. Michael lazing around in bed, mumbling about pancakes. Michael swinging Julia around, her screaming and laughing at the same time. Michael in the kitchen, covered in flower because him and Shay tried to bake cookies. Michael coming back from paintballing with Hunter covered in bruises but smiling because “holy shit he’s so good!”. Michael late at night on their roof, watching the stars and questioning if there was life out there somewhere. Michael telling him he loved him, every day and Alex saying it right back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there it is. Done.   
Phew, this was an adventure. This was a tricky one, it was a challenge that at certain points I hated and at other points I loved. I just want to say a massive thank you to all of you who read, gave me kudos and commented. You really kept me going with this one and I'm so glad that you cared enough to come back every time to read another chapter of these two silly boys falling in love. If you want to see what's going on in my head, or be kept up to date with what I'm up to, follow me on Tumblr: Daffietjuh. Not sure what I'm going to do next, so for now: Thank you and I'll see you around! 
> 
> Comments make me squeal with delight.


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